California Gurls
by Your Father
Summary: Unsupervised sex, drugs, IHOP and partying ensues for twenty-one days. What could possibly go wrong? Stan/Kyle/Kenny/Craig/Tweek and eventually other people they find. But mostly Style. And a side of just about everything else. Welcome to California.
1. Airplanes in the Night Sky

**CHAPTER ONE**

airplanes in the night sky

_can we pretend like airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now._

airplanes by paramore

* * *

"Kenny, you're crazy," Kyle rolled his emerald jade evergreen eyes as Kenny waved five airline tickets in his Jewish face. Kenny could suddenly afford a ton of stuff so he bought five tickets even though he didn't ask any of his friends about it because it was a surprise.

"No, I'm not. This is the best idea I've ever had. Think about it, this will be such a blast," Kenny talked back with his angelic voice, his blonde hair blowing in the wind.

"An airplane? To California? How will our parents let us get away with that?" Kyle scolded, in a feminine voice because when he hit puberty he became significantly effeminate.

"We won't tell them. Simple as that," Kenny laughed. They were sixteen, so they were doing all of these independent things because they're total rebels.

"But I can't do that! I can't lie like that," Kyle admitted, because he was Jewish so he was going to Jew everybody out.

"Just don't speak to them. The flight is a red-eye this Friday night, so you just need to sneak out that night without a word. Don't you know any of this stuff?" Kenny laughed again.

"Okay, okay, fine," Kyle sighed, slumping over. His hair was really gorgeous and large ginger curls hugged his face and framed it beautifully.

"Hell yeah!" Kenny cheered and handed Kyle a ticket. "Don't lose this. If you lose it you can't go on the airplane."

"Okay, I won't lose it," Kyle replied, but he was of course lying because he was Jewish and would lose everything because he was a Jew. He smiled and his jade emerald evergreen eyes smiled too.

"You'd better not. If you lose it you can't fly on the airplane," Kenny scolded, and his eyes were blue like cyanide and happiness.

"Okay, I won't lose it," Kyle lied again.

"Okay. Well, let's go ask Stan and Cartman, then," Kenny announced, and Kyle grabbed his arm dramatically.

"If Cartman goes, I'm not going to go," he frowned, crossing his arms. He and Cartman were total enemies and Cartman ruined everything for him but they were secretly gay for each other.

"What? Oh. Okay then, who else are we going to ask?" Kenny sighed, putting a hand to his chin in deep thought.

"Craig and Tweek?" Kyle suggested, because Craig and Tweek and them had recently been really tight so they always asked them to come along when they went on flights to California.

"Okay, I'll ask them. They'll be super stoked," Kenny agreed, giving Kyle a thumbs-up that was especially sexy and emphasized his agreement with Kyle. Kyle smiled Jewishly and they proceeded to find Craig, Tweek and Stan to ask them if they wanted to fly on Friday night to spend three weeks in California because skipping school no longer mattered. Kenny did it all the time because he's rebellious and poor.

Kenny and Kyle were on the way to Stan's house when they conveniently passed a Starbucks that were everywhere and they saw Stan ordering coffee through the window. Kyle pointed to the Starbucks and poked Kenny.

"There's Stan," Kyle swooned effeminately and paused for some reason so the dialogue could end with a period. "Ordering coffee."

"Oh, there he is," Kenny smiled and clicked his tongue because not only was he a sucker for Kyle's gorgeous looks, but he was also in love with Stan because he looked like an emo kid did but he wasn't an emo kid.

They went inside the Starbucks and saw Stan talking to the cashier at Starbucks and ordering coffee. Stan got coffee because he liked coffee. Kyle didn't even try to get his attention because he has some sort of mental connection with Stan so he turned his head to Kyle and stopped midsentence. Stan's raven black hair slid over his eye and he did a hair-flip to flip his hair black like a raven away from his eye. His hair is black, like a raven.

"Kyle," he greeted in a husky but emo-kid-like voice. Stan smiled and so did his eyes that were the same blue that his tight skinny jeans were. Kyle smiled.

"Stan," Kyle greeted in a feminine and Jewish-like voice. He smiled and so did his eyes that were jade emerald evergreen like emeralds and pine trees in a blender. Stan smiled.

"Stan," Kenny greeted in a sexy but poor-like voice. He smiled and so did his eyes that were blue like cyanide and the drugs that he's addicted to but don't affect him at all. Stan smiled.

"Kenny," Stan greeted in a husky but emo-kid-like voice. Stan smiled and so did his eyes that were the same blue that his tight skinny jeans were. Everybody smiled.

"I didn't think you'd be here," Kyle said, standing next to Stan and cutting everyone in line because his super best friend was ordering coffee so he had a privilege to cut everybody in line. Stan handed money to the cashier.

"Yes, I am here," Stan responded, taking the change and receipt from the cashier and walking out of the line. Kyle followed behind his super best friend. Kenny wasn't mentioned in this portion because it was a special Style moment when they were standing in line right there.

Stan sat down at a table and Kyle sat down at the table and Kenny sat down at the table. Kenny pulled out the airplane tickets from his pocket and slammed them down on the table.

"We're going to California," Kenny announced, fist-pumping like the player that he was. Stan gasped but he was happy about it to so he smiled. Stan was the type of person that liked surprises because he was unique.

"Sweet! I'm in complete agreement! When is it and how long?" Stan asked, totally fine with leaving because he was sixteen so he wanted to get the fuck away from the mountain town that they lived in because they didn't really like it so they went to exciting places such as California.

"We are leaving Friday night and we are going to be there for three weeks!" Kenny announced again and smiled with excitement because he was excited. Kyle wasn't excited at first but now he was because Stan was excited. Everybody was excited for this.

"Okay, that's cool! What time are we sneaking out of bed?" Stan asked, because he already was aware of the plan because they did things like this all the time so he was experienced and aware. This makes him romantically interesting.

"At 11:30PM! Then we can take my orange Lamborghini to the airport. You guys should all go to 7-11 so I can pick you up there and you can bring snacks for the road," Kenny organized. Kenny already had his driver's license because he was sixteen and for his sixteenth birthday Kenny got an orange Lamborghini that he droved everywhere and played 3oh!3 and Cobra Starship with the windows down because those bands described his views on life. This makes him romantically interesting.

"Okay, that sounds awesome! I'm so excited. Aren't you excited?" Stan cheered, looking at Kyle. Kyle stared deep into Stan's skinny jean blue colored eyes and nodded.

"I'm so excited," Kyle admitted and did a quaint Jewish dance.

"I'm so excited," Kenny also admitted and handed a ticket to Stan. "Don't lose this. If you lose this you can't go on the plane."

"Okay, I won't lose it," Stan said truthfully because Stan is honest and responsible and a perfect romantic partner for everybody. He wasn't going to lose his ticket.

"Okay, cool," Kenny concluded because he believed Stan, because everybody believed Stan. Kenny loved Stan and Kyle but they already knew that because Kenny was gay for everyone but he also liked vagina. Kyle also had a really, really amazing ass that turned everyone around him into a fag.

"Mocha frappechino, for Stan," the Starbucks person behind the desk announced and Stan arose from his chair like a God and grabbed his coffee. His raven black hair slid into his eye again so he did a hair-flip so that it wouldn't be in his eye anymore. He sat back down and sipped his coffee. His hair was also black, like a raven. When Stan was Goth, his Goth friends referred to him as Raven.

Kenny really wanted a coffee too but he shrugged and then looked at Kyle and Stan. "Okay, let's go find Craig and Tweek."

"Okay, let's go," Stan agreed, and they all stood up from their table but didn't push their chairs in because they were rebellious. They exited the doors of Starbucks and the three of them walked outside and went to Craig's house, because it was a small town and they can walk to everyone's house.

They approached the door to Craig's house and they saw a sign taped to his front door. It read "OUT TO LUNCH" but they shrugged and opened the door anyway because they were sixteen, so fuck the rules. The door creaked open because locks don't ever exist and it opened into a room. The room was the living room to Craig's house and Craig and Tweek were on the couch watching "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami" with their arms around each other. Craig noticed the three of them enter the room and he flipped them off.

"What the fuck," he declared and continued to flip them off. "Did you fucking read the fucking sign?"

Kenny didn't answer because he was rebellious, and he pulled out the two remaining tickets. Craig still flipped him off but he was actually happy. Tweek spazzed around and screamed, but he always did that. "We're going to California."

"Fuck," Craig replied. "When the fuck is it?"

"On Friday night. We're going to sneak out at 11:30PM and meet at the 7-11 that everyone knows the location of and then I'll pick you up in my tight ride," Kenny declared. Craig flipped him off.

"Fuck, okay," Craig sighed. Kenny handed the tickets to him and Tweek and Craig had to take it from Tweek so that he wouldn't rip it up because he's insane. Craig was angry and swore and flipped everyone off but he was secretly smiling inside. He was happy about this but no one knew.

"Okay," Kenny smiled. "We'll see you then. 11:30."

Stan and Kyle were also standing in Craig's house but they didn't talk. Kenny turned around and when they all left Craig still flipped them off, but then he stopped and sunk back into the couch. They were watching television.

Time suddenly sped up and it was already Friday night at 11:20PM. Kyle had packed a suitcase and he made sure not to lose his ticket because he knew he was going to lose it but he actually didn't in the end. He was too hard on himself a lot but so was everybody else so it works out. Kyle opened the window of his bedroom and he hurled the suitcase out of it and it landed on the grass in perfect condition. Then Kyle leaped out of the two-story window without any concern and he landed on his feet like a cat. The window was closed already so no one could suspect that Kyle had left the house. He was a sneaky Jewish boy.

Kyle grabbed the handle of his rolling suitcase and started to run to 7-11. Even though it was several blocks away, Kyle could make this distance in less than ten minutes. He was experienced with travel and locomotions, so he had a good sense of timing and directions.

He continued to run and run down the sidewalks and he ran through the roads too because no one hardly drove down them at 11PM in the night. He didn't lose his ticket yet because he was still holding it in his hand that was covered by a green mitten. The green mittens matched the collar of his jacket and also matched his green hat with the flaps. He liked to be coordinated and was also very neat, this pattern continued when he hit puberty.

Kyle finally saw the 7-11 sign illuminated in the distance and sped up his pace. He jaywalked and then ran through the parking lot, entering the sliding doors. He looked at the friendly cashier man and was going to ask him the time but was kind of scared because usually he ends up getting raped in the ass by strangers when he's alone. It had happened in this 7-11 before. But he was still slightly brave despite his feminine qualities, so he politely asked the man the time.

"What time is it?" he asked and stood in the doorway of 7-11. The sliding doors didn't close on him because he was standing in the way.

"It's 11:21PM," the man said and smiled a friendly smile, but Kyle could feel him undressing him with his eyes. He still stood awkwardly in the doorway with his suitcase of all of his personal belongings even though he was nervous about the suspicious figure behind the counter. The ticket was still in his hand. He didn't lose it.

Nine minutes already passed, so Stan and Craig and Tweek showed up in their cars. Kyle was going to get a car really soon but he didn't have one yet. He was jealous of his friends with cars. All of his friends had cars. Stan, Craig and Tweek all exited their cars with sunglasses even though it was dark and then they took them off. Craig also had black hair but it wasn't raven black like Stan's was black like a raven. Craig's was just black. Tweek's hair was messy and blonde because he was insane and on drugs so he wasn't concerned about personal appearance.

"Kyle," Stan greeted in a husky but emo-kid-like voice. He smiled and so did his eyes that were the same blue that his tight skinny jeans were. Kyle smiled.

"Stan," Kyle greeted in a feminine and Jewish-like voice. He smiled and so did his eyes that were jade emerald evergreen like emeralds and pine trees in a blender. Stan smiled.

Their moment ended and Craig and Tweek and Stan met Kyle in the doorway. The man behind the counter no longer looked like a possible rapist because Kyle and his infectious ass were no longer alone in the room with him. Kyle was happy with Stan because they were super best friends and Craig and Tweek made him happy too. Craig flipped him off but Kyle smiled.

Then they heard bass and synthesizers and the voice of the guy in 3oh!3 really loud from a mile away but they could hear it it was so loud. The floor was shaking and then Kenny's orange Lamborghini sped like the fucking speed of light and shook the ground like a giant earthquake. Glass everywhere shattered. He pulled into the parking lot and then they recognized the song as "Touchin' on My" by 3oh!3 which was one of Kenny's favorite songs because 3oh!3 and Cobra Starship describes himself.

The floor was shaking with Kenny's music and there wasn't glass in the windows of 7-11 but they all were okay and walked outside. Kenny's Lamborghini was orange and it was so sexy that it made Kyle hard. The music shook the floor and the door to his Lamborghini slid up, and the trunk popped open. Kyle and Craig and Tweek and Stan put their luggage in the trunk and then they closed the trunk and then they got inside. The inside of the car was black leather and really low to the ground and it was lit with lights that circulated the entire spectrum of colors. It was really beautiful. The 3oh!3 was too loud for them to hear anything but they could still hear Kenny sing along.

"Girl, I gotta know how you dance like that, D-d-dance like that, you dance like that; 'cause you're puttin' on a show, can I take you back?" he screamed along, headbanging and he started the ignition again. The car went illegally fast but nobody really cared because Officer Barbrady was mentally incapable. 3oh!3 could be heard by everybody and it shattered all the windows except the car windows because they were indestructible. Kenny could afford all of this by himself because even though his family was poor and he had no job he was successful by living.

Kyle was content in Kenny's back seat with his best friends for life when he suddenly gasped because he was startled.

"Oh no!" Kyle exclaimed and gasped with hands on his face.

"What, Kyle?" everybody except Kenny asked in response because now they could all hear him suddenly over the amazing music. Kenny didn't respond to Kyle because he was singing along but he still heard him and was aware of his concerns.

"We didn't buy any food at 7-11 because time went really fast and I didn't know what was happening!" Kyle cried, but then Kenny turned around even though he was driving but he didn't care because he was sixteen, so fuck the rules.

"Yes we did," Kenny paused. "Remember?"

Kyle didn't remember.

"Remember?" Kenny handed him a bag of snacks.

Kyle didn't remember.

"Oh. Okay, but we did," Kenny confirmed, and Kyle shrugged. Oh well. At least they did buy snacks, even if Kyle couldn't keep track of all the things that were happening. He opened the bag and inside it was every snack inside of 7-11. Kyle pulled out Twinkies, the Lunchables with the turkey and cheddar cracker sandwiches, and a Coke, because the fact that he was kosher and diabetic never applied. He liked to eat food and he was sixteen, so fuck the rules.

He opened the Lunchables and headbanged to 3oh!3 while making a cracker sandwich of turkey and cheese slices. These were very delicious and he ate them all immediately and ate all the twinkies too. But he kept drinking his Coke.

Even though the bag was in his lap Craig, Tweek, and Stan were all eating Lunchables too. He felt like they were all connected by some mental psychic connection that brought them all together. They were friends for life.

"We're here!" Kenny announced and pulled by the sidewalk to their terminal. It said "terminal 3" but Kyle knew that they were at "terminal 5" according to his ticket. But then Kyle forgot about that. Kenny hit a button and valet people waited outside for them and unloaded their baggage from the trunk. Kyle frowned and got outside, along with Craig, Tweek, and Stan who were also there. They were all really tired. Kyle was tired too. Kenny got out and shot the peace sign to his valet people and then he did a little dance because he was sixteen, so fuck the rules.

"Okay, we're here!" Kenny cheered. He was happy. They pulled it off. The valet people drove his orange Lamborghini safely into the parking garage that was across the street but they didn't have time to do it themselves, so it was always better to have other people do shit for them. Everybody cheered too because they were happy that they were at the airport. They walked inside and got in line to check in their baggage. But they kinda just shoved everyone else out of the way because they were sixteen, so fuck the rules. No one really cared because they knew that they were inferior to the five of them. So they got to the front of the line and were called up.

"Good evening, gentlemen," the woman behind the desk greeted as Kenny hit buttons on the touch-screen. He went through the process and then frowned.

"We want first class," Kenny demanded, because he was shit you didn't mess with.

"Okay, you can upgrade for-" the woman started, but Kenny shoved his credit card and papers in her face. She obeyed because she was inferior and granted them all first class seats. Everyone was super stoked now. First class seats meant that they got dinner and ice cream and got to lie all the way down even though the flight was like three hours. Kenny put his baggage on the scale and the woman threw it behind her like the obedient bitch that she was, and she did the same for everybody's luggage because she wasn't being paid to stand around. Then the machine printed out their boarding passes like _zrrzrrzrrzrzrr _and then Kenny gave them to everyone. Kyle was sitting next to Stan so he was happy but nervous. Because he was starting to have sexual tension around Stan now.

Then everybody left the desk and they went to security. They cut more people again and they got on their knees as the five of them walked ahead in the really long line of security. They reached the thing where you take off your jacket and shoes and put it in the boxes and so they started to do that. They put their baggages on the belt thing too because the people were going to make sure that they weren't terrorists. But how could they be? They were sixteen, so fuck the rules.

They all walked through the metal detector and no metal had been detected by the metal detector so they put on their hats and shoes and jackets again. It was a brief time for them because they're fast at doing everything. Kenny led the four of them to their gate that they were going to sit in to enter the plane to California and they followed. They were all really happy. Kyle's jade emerald evergreen eyes were happy too, because they had opinions of their own. Then they all came to the gate because they're fast at doing everything.

They sat down and sleepily looked at each other because they were sleepy. Tweek spazzed because he was insane and then he closed his eyes to sleep but woke up again. This continued. Kyle was thinking about the flight because he was going to sit next to his super best friend for life and he was nervous. Craig flipped Kenny off who was hungry because he left the snacks in the Lamborghini, and Stan's raven black hair was in his eyes again so he flipped it away like a raven would have done.

Boarding was in twenty minutes.


	2. Like A G6

**CHAPTER TWO**

like a G6

_popping bottles in the ice, like a blizzard. when we drink we do it right, getting slizzard. _

like a G6 by far east movement

* * *

Twenty minutes were gone. Everybody was on the airplane in the seats in the first class. They took up rows one _and_ two, because they were more privileged than everybody on the airplane. Kenny didn't need to worry about kicking people sitting in front of him because there was only a wall in front of him and walls wouldn't talk to him. Kenny moved his seat that was made of leather all the way back so that he was lying down, like a bed but it wasn't. You can't do this before the plane is in the sky. Nobody cared so they all lied down.

Kyle's jade evergreen emerald eyes looked at Stan's skinny jeans blue denim eyes and there was a connection. Kyle knew there was a connection but he didn't want to say anything, because this would ruin the connection. Stan didn't realize that there was a connection yet. There was just silence.

People walked into the airplane and into their seats that were all behind theirs, because Kenny also bought the second pair of seats in row two so no one could sit behind him. He also bought the seat next to him so no one would sit with him. Kenny was a badass. He was sixteen years old.

Everyone took forever to sit their asses down. Tweek began to get that phobia of small spaces and he began to have a phobia of small spaces. Craig didn't really know what to do so he tapped Stan's shoulder who was in front of him and flipped him off.

"Fuck," Craig announced. "Tweek is getting the phobia of small spaces."

"That isn't good," Stan frowned. He made a sad pout with his supple lips.

"No, it isn't fucking good," Craig said what Stan said but said "fucking" and "no". Stan shrugged.

"What are we going to do?" Stan asked, and he flipped away his raven black hair. Craig's regular hair was jealous of Stan's raven hair, but didn't say anything.

"I don't fucking know, I thought you would fucking know," Craig said, and laid down back in his chair again.

Then the door closed, and the airplane flew in the night sky in that brief time period. Kyle wondered if someone was thinking about this plane like the song by Paramore. Someone was making a wish on him, he thought. This made him happy.

He turned to Stan, who was already asleep because his eyes were closed. This didn't make him happy so he was sad again.

Kyle didn't feel like sleeping. He looked out of the window into the sky full of stars and he shed a single tear from out of his eye. Nobody would understand. He was lost in this world of people who didn't understand. He was only one person.

"Nobody understands," Kyle said and closed his jade emerald evergreen eyes that were crying. He went to sleep.

_"Kyle," Stan's voice said to him. Kyle saw him. This is in italics because it is a dream._

_"Stan," Kyle said to him back. _

_"You aren't alone in this world. I understand," Stan purred like a cat, and he felt Stan's hand on his shoulder. Kyle was very happy and tears came from his eyes. Someone understood._

_Kyle didn't feel that any longer no one would not understand him. Kyle knew that they had a connection. He had a connection with Stan. But then Stan started to fade away. He was standing there and then he started to fade into the blackness that was surrounding his soul. Kyle couldn't take it. There was blackness all around him._

_"Stan, no," Kyle cried, but he couldn't hear him. There was nobody. Kyle was all alone now. Hope? There was none._

Kyle woke up from his dream, and he was sleeping against Stan's shoulder. He started to blush because he just now realized that he _was_ secretly gay for Stan, who he had known since they were babies. He had known Stan when he was a baby and he was a baby too. This was wrong.

Kenny hit the button that called the flight attendant to his seat. He needed a drink. He needed a drink right fucking now.

"Yes?" the woman in uniform asked him. She had a metal tag that said that her name was Karen, so Kenny read this. He lowered his sunglasses, which he was wearing on the plane because it wasn't dark enough for him.

"Karen," Kenny paused for a dramatic effect. "I need a beer."

"Okay," she said, and walked away obediently. She didn't ask Kenny for an ID, because he looked like he was over twenty-one but in a good way. No one would ever know that he was sixteen because he was too sexy to be sixteen through the eyes of strangers.

Kenny needed a beer more than ever before. Karen walked back over, and she put down a can of beer on his tray table. Kenny didn't even acknowledge her or thank her because he didn't have time for petty things like respecting people. He was sixteen, for Christ's sake.

And you know how it's illegal to smoke on an airplane? Kenny doesn't give a shit. Kenny pulls out one of his several expensive lighters and lights a fucking cigarette. He breathes it in and breathes out smoke that floats around the airplane.

A guy in row three starts coughing but he was being really fake and rude about it, so Kenny unbuckles his seatbelt when the seatbelt sign is off and gives this guy a Kanye West shrug. Then he sits back down and he takes another drag without even buckling his seatbelt.

This got Karen's attention, though, so she walks down the aisle and stands by row one.

"Sir, you're violating-"

"Karen," Kenny paused. "Okay?"

"You don't understand, sir-"

"I'm sixteen, it's okay," Kenny said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, okay," Karen said, and then left him alone to smoke and drink as he pleased because she realized that he can do whatever he wanted because he was sixteen, so fuck the rules. Three hours actually passed just now, so the plane was about to land.

When Kyle woke up on Stan's shoulder three hours ago he went right back to sleep there, so three hours later he was in the same place. Stan's jeans blue skinny eyes opened and they were right in front of Kyle's evergreen green jade emerald eyes. They didn't say anything, because when you have a gay discovery moment there are no words. There was a beep over the speaker and someone said that the plane was going to be on the ground. None of them paid attention to who was talking and then the plane was on the ground.

Craig and Tweek are still here too, they just weren't mentioned within the last three hours.

**DAY ONE IN CALIFORNIA**

Everybody walked out of the airplane and into LAX, which means Los Angeles Airport but for some reason "airport" now starts with X. Kenny stretched his nicely toned arms and he threw his cigarette at the carpet without putting it out.

"We made it, you guys," Kenny said. "We're in California now."

Kyle's ginger curls bounced when he bounced up and down effeminately. They all busted out their sunglasses except Kyle who didn't own sunglasses because he was Jewish. He didn't own sunglasses. He was jealous of all of his friends with sunglasses. All of his friends had sunglasses.

The five of them walked down the terminal with sunglasses except Kyle, because even though it was only 5AM, it was always sunny in California. Craig specifically was aware of this.

They kept walking until walking made them hungry, and then they stopped walking.

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" Kenny said.

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" Kyle said.

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" Stan said.

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" Craig said.

"Yes," said Tweek, so then they decided that they were hungry and it was time to eat. They walked out of the airport relying on Kyle's locomotionary knowledge.

Kenny also happened to own a Lamborghini in California, and it pulled up to the sidewalk by itself because it has auto-pilot, too. The auto-pilot feature can't find parking, though, which is why he has the button for valet people. The Lamborghini slid open the door by itself and then the five of them all got inside.

"My Lamborghini in California listens to my voice," Kenny declared. Everyone seemed kind of interested so he showed them how he did this.

"Computer, locate nearest IHOP location," Kenny said. IHOP means International House of Pancakes, because they were hungry and it was time for breakfast.

_"Locating… IHOP…" _the car said. Kyle thought it was cool and it made Kenny more romantically interesting now.

The car had like a screen that came out of the front of it and there was a map on it. There was a little dot where the IHOP was and the car made a buzzing noise. Kenny would normally have to pull that lever that makes the car drive forward, but he didn't need to because the car did it all by itself. His car started driving forward to the IHOP.

"Oh, cool, I like IHOP," Kyle said, because he did like IHOP.

"I like IHOP too," Stan agreed, because he also liked IHOP but not as much as Kyle fucking liked IHOP.

Craig and Tweek didn't say anything because they were too busy making out because Kenny's voice recognition feature made them really hard. Tweek still flailed around when he was kissing Craig because he is insane. They were kissing together. Kyle watched but he didn't. Kyle knew that they understood.

"Welcome to California," Kenny said.

Kyle felt like he was in a movie because he was in California with his best friends for life.

"Welcome to California," Kenny said again and this time it was so much better.

The car drove down the streets in California like _zrzrzrrzrrzr _and the streets were growing palm trees and then they looked out the windows. It was now 7:00AM already and the sun was out in the sky and making everything sunny. Kenny sat in the front seat, but he didn't have to do anything because there's no time for driving when the car drives for you.

The car came to IHOP within a matter of seconds, and they all got out of the car and then put on sunglasses, except for Kyle. Kyle didn't have sunglasses yet. He was jealous of all of his friend's sunglasses because he was Jewish. All of his friends had sunglasses.

They walked into the doors of IHOP but Kenny went first because he is the best person of the five of them. He also has money and is a beautiful, flawless human being. There was a woman behind the desk and a sign that said "Please wait to be seated" but they didn't have time for this shit, so they threw their sunglasses on the floor except for Kyle who didn't have any and just got their own seats without waiting. They sat in that really huge circular booth because when you sit in the really huge circular booth it looks like you have a ton of friends and you're really popular, which they were.

There were already menus at the table because their waitress was Jesus Christ himself.

Kyle didn't know what to eat, because he was capable of eating everything on this menu. So he decided that he was going to get bacon with a side of sausage, and maybe a medium steak, because the fact that he was kosher and diabetic no longer mattered. Kenny decided that he was going to get waffle-house hashbrowns because that's an innuendo for something and Kenny likes innuendos. Stan is getting fruit because he is fruity. Craig is getting nothing and Tweek is going to get coffee, because Tweek can't live without coffee even though this is the first time in this story he'll drink it.

Then there was a hole in the ceiling that formed and a beam of light blinded everyone's vision for a few seconds. Babies screamed and old people died, but Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Craig and Tweek were perfectly okay. Then they could see again and light was shining down upon them through the hole. It was Jesus, and he was here to take their order.

"What can I get you, boys?" Jesus asked them.

"Men," Kenny said, because he was being matter-of-factly. "We're men. Not boys."

"Sorry, I should have known that. Anyway, what can I get you men?" Jesus corrected himself because he was wrong, and Kenny was right. Jesus and Kenny used to be total BBFLs in heaven, but they got in a long-term argument and have been rivals ever sicne. Jesus was secretly jealous of Kenny because he was an angel.

"I'm going to get bacon, sausage, and a steak," Kyle told Jesus. He didn't say please because he didn't need to.

"Okay," Jesus wrote it down.

"I'm getting fruit," Stan said before Jesus.

"Okay," Jesus wrote it down. "And what about you?" This question was directed at Craig but this is the only way I can tell you that.

"Nothing. I don't want anything," Craig told Jesus. Jesus was taken aback because Craig was very strict with him but he held back his tears.

"Okay," Jesus wrote it down.

"C-coffee! COFFEE! _COFFEE!_" Tweek screamed. He has italics and dashes because he is stuttering and freaking out, because he is Tweek and he needs to have coffee.

"Okay," Jesus wrote it down. But then it was time to ask Kenny what he wanted to eat. He didn't even look at Kenny but Kenny knew that he was asking him because Kenny can read Jesus's mind, and only Jesus's mind.

"I'll take the usual," Kenny said, but it was monotoneyously because Kenny really, really didn't care about Jesus or IHOP or food. He only cared about sex and money and cars because he was a money-making player who brought in the money and turned all lesbians straight and all straight men gay and all straight women straighter.

"Okay," Jesus said, because Jesus was always Kenny's waiter too so he knew what Kenny ordered at IHOP. "I'll put your orders in."

Then the hole closed up and then the light went away, because Jesus was going to the kitchen to tell the chefs what Kenny and his friends ordered. Did you notice how I pointed out that Kenny is the leader here? Because he is the most successful of all of them and has leader qualities. And he also talks a lot and is completely legible because he doesn't wear his hood up anymore so everybody can be blessed with the presence of his fucking gorgeous cherubic beautiful flawless face, and everyone respected him and would get on their knees.

The whole time when they were waiting for their food, Kyle was nervous about Stan. He hasn't said a word to Stan since the incident on the airplane that was really drastic. He was really nervous and scared, because after that dream he had that opened his eyes he didn't know how to take in all of this. What if Stan had the same dream. He thought about this while looking at Stan's raven black hair sitting there like a content and mysterious raven would have done. Stan saw, and he knew it was his raven hair.

"Kyle," Stan paused because this is the way it happens in every fanficton. "You're staring."

Kyle was staring. Kyle stopped staring and blushed and then got a lot hungrier all of a sudden. Kyle ripped open one of the sugar packets and then poured it all over his plate because he was hungry and he ate it with a spoon. Even though he was kosher and diabetic he ate sugar all the time, no big deal. He was sixteen, so fuck you. Seriously.

Then the food was all ready and the hole in the ceiling burst open again. Everyone's skin dissolved and there was screaming all around but Kenny, Stan, Kyle, Craig and Tweek were all still flawless gay men. Except for Kenny who was a bisexual. But the four of them were gay.

So then the light illuminated everything, and Jesus bestowed upon them the food of IHOP. Kyle's meat, Stan's fruit, Craig's nothing, Tweek's coffee, and Kenny's hashbrowns descended from the sky on plates arranged by Jesus Christ and they twirled before they landed delicately on the table like feathers of a raven like Stan's hair would have done. Kyle shed a tear because he wasn't as manly everybody else and he couldn't control himself. Then all the plates landed in front of them, and the hole closed. Craig and Kenny flipped off Jesus as he left but he was turned around so he didn't notice. What badasses.

Kyle stabbed his steak with a knife and bit right into that motherfucker and snarled too because when it comes to meat, Kyle is a feisty little Jewish bitch. Stan watched Kyle do this while he nibbled on his fruity fruit. Kenny licked his waffle-house hashbrowns and Tweek drank coffee and Craig didn't do anything but flip everybody off. This was their first breakfast in California. They finished eating. Kyle devoured his meat completely.

Then they were done with their breakfast. They didn't even pay for it or leave a tip, they just walked away and Kenny didn't even eat his hashbrowns but he smeared them all over the table when he left. They pushed open the automatic doors because the doors weren't fucking fast enough. Then the Lamborghini that was orange pulls up with like music already blasting. But this time it was the song "Like a G6" which described Kenny really eerily and it made him almost shed tears at the thoughtfulness of the deep song choice made by his car, but he didn't want to shed tears because fuck, he was Kenny McKormick. Fuck.

So then, they all got in the car and Kyle felt empty and unloved for a few seconds. Then he looked into Stan's jeans skinny blue eyes and everything was okay again. Then Kyle looked at Kenny with curious evergreen green emerald jade eyes.

"What now?" Kyle asked him because he was confused in many ways.

"What do you mean? We're checking in to our luxury hotel now. It's right by the beach and we have a giant fucking suite," Kenny said. Then Kyle knew. Stan already knew this, though, because he's romantically interesting. But he and Kenny are in a secret unmentionable war for Kyle and they constantly try to be more romantically appealing than the other. But you weren't supposed to know that.

"Computer, locate the Sex on the Beaches Hotel," Kenny said. The hotel that they were staying at was called Sex on the Beaches and it was on the beach where people had sex on the beaches.

"_Locating… Sex on the Beaches Hotel…"_

And it did, and it began to autopilot like _zrtzztztrt_.


	3. Dynamite

**CHAPTER THREE**

dynamite

_i throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying ayooo, gotta let go._

dynamite by taio cruz

* * *

Within the amount of time it took you to click that button, they had already reached the Sex on the Beaches Hotel and the Lamborghini was driving away by itself to find parking. It's hard to find parking by the beach because California is always bad with parking. Kenny's Lamborghini was not aware of this. They were all standing outside and they were looking at Kenny, because if you don't remember this trip was his idea so they depended on Kenny, because he is successful and dependable.

Kenny started to walk inside and they followed. Sex on the Beaches Hotel was covered with gold, the walls were gold, the floor was gold, the statues of naked men getting rammed in the ass by other naked men were gold, and the gold fountain that was making gold was also gold. It was all gold and "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha was playing quiety in the background to add to the beautiful mood.

_It's really beautiful_, Kyle thought and his manliness broke again and his evergreen green emerald jade eyes came tears. Stan saw him and he hugged Kyle close to him for comfort and Kyle started to cry more so that Stan would hug him tighter. Kyle is such a little Jewish whore.

Kenny walked with his best friends for life and up to the desk made of gold. The woman behind the desk was wearing solid gold had really big titties and they bounced around when she inhaled.

"Reserv-" the woman with large titties behind the desk wearing gold asked but was interrupted because Kenny can read her mind as well as Jesus's mind, so don't fuck around with your words.

"McCormick, Kenny. We need four room keys. Get it done, bitch," Kenny demanded. Kyle was going to say something because there were actually five of them and Kenny asked for four room keys but then Kyle realized that he couldn't be trusted with a room key because he would lose it because he was Jewish and effeminate. He frowned and held in all of the words that he builds up every day and when he gets really bitchy he lets them out because Kyle likes to speak his mind. This does not make him romantically interesting.

_How can Stan ever love me_, Kyle thought.

The woman with big titties behind the desk wearing gold handed Kenny the four room keys that weren't actually keys but they were cards. He turned around to his best friends for life and he handed a key to Stan, a key to Tweek, a key to Craig, and then licked the last one and gave Kyle a Kanye West shrug because he didn't give a shit. Kyle cried into Stan's brown jacket that was now a rag for his tears because it was now romantically acceptable for them to interact in that way.

Every body took their cards and walked away from the desk without saying anything to the woman with big titties behind the desk wearing gold, and then the California sun light was reflecting off of the gold everywhere and it blinded them so they put on their sunglasses except for Kyle who used Stan's muscular torso as his sunglasses. Kyle didn't have sunglasses yet because he was Jewish. He was jealous of all of his friends with sunglasses. All of his friends had sunglasses.

They strided with sunglasses except for Kyle to the gold elevators and Kenny hit a gold button that said "up" in the voice of a ghetto woman over the speakers when he pressed the button. Tweek screamed when he heard the voice but when Craig who was the last person you think would be romantically interesting kissed him he could only see magic and he stopped. The gold doors opened like _zrrtrzztrztr _and everything was covered in gold inside. There was a picture that was framed with gold inside the gold elevator of rocking tits and Kenny admired it for seven seconds before pushing the gold button that said "up" in the voice of a ghetto woman over the speakers when he pressed the button. Tweek screamed when he heard the voice but when Craig who was the last person you think would be romantically interesting kissed him he could only see magic and he stopped. The elevator went up like _zztrtrztr _and Ke$ha was even louder in here because it was a small space. They were really cool with their sunglasses in the gold elevator except for Kyle.

But Kyle failed to see the logic in this because he is logical when it comes to locomotions. "We're on floor ten, you just hit the up button."

Kenny didn't respond with his voice but he gave him the Kanye West shrug to answer Kyle's question and it was then answered. Kenny had a manly power over Kyle because he was Kenny's bitch, but everybody was Kenny's bitch so this doesn't really apply to anything. Kyle cried on Stan and Stan felt bad but he wanted to be a man around Kyle so he could win Kyle's heart, even though he already had won Kyle's heart but he didn't know that and Kyle tried to win Stan's heart by being emotional and sexy but he already won Stan's heart but he didn't know that so it was a war of love that didn't end. Nobody understood the heartache that Kyle went through. This is a summary of everybody's romantic condition except for Craig and Tweek, who are going to be talked about later.

Then the elevator hit the floor number ten because Kenny didn't need to hit the number ten like Kyle said, because the elevator knows what Kenny wants. The doors opened like _zrztrtzt_ and Ke$ha got quieter. The floor was solid gold and the walls were solid gold, and there were gold statues of gold gay men getting rammed by other gold gay men just like in the lobby but this time they were in the halls by the room doors.

They walked all the way down the gold hall until they came to the biggest gold door, because this was their room. It was a suite that Kenny bought with his lots of money. Kenny opened the gold doors and then the sight of it made everybody's hearts stop beating but not long enough for them to die because their hearts were just admiring the view with them and weren't that stupid. But Kenny's heart was immortal so it never stopped beating because he didn't care about anything except all of the money that he had.

So then they saw the inside of their suite. It was really beautiful. The floors and the walls are gold, and there was a gold fountain and gold gay sex statues but they were even bigger. There was a living room with gold walls and gold floors and a gold plasma TV with three gold couches and a gold lamp and the gold walls had a bunch of gold pictures of boobs that were in gold picture frames. Then the gold kitchen had a ton of gold things to make food with and there was a gold blender and a gold toaster for blending and toasting. Oh, and there was a gold oven and a gold stove and a gold microwave and a gold juice maker and a gold fridgerator and a gold freezer for ovening and stoving and microwaving and making juice and fridgerating and freezing. Kyle was specifically excited about this because he was a little bitch and he likes to cook and he was going to make all the food for everybody because he's Jewish and effeminate.

Then there was only two gold bedrooms with one gold king size bed in them. Kenny called the gold couch so that he wouldn't have to sleep with another gay guy because even though Kenny was gay he wasn't that gay, or at least he wanted everybody else to think that. So then Craig and Tweek flipped off Kenny and Stan and Kyle and they took one of the gold bedrooms because they were gay for each other and they wanted to share the gold bed together and ram each other's asses. So then that meant that Stan and Kyle had to share the last gold together and Kyle blushed because he was nervous because when Kyle sleeps he can't control himself and he recently had uncontrollable sexual urges for his newly discovered gay love for his super best friend for life. Stan smiled because he knew because Stan is always aware, and he is the most romantically interesting except for Kenny.

So then everybody split up into their gold rooms and Kenny turned on his gold plasma TV and scrolled through the channels but it was all porn so he masturbated because he is bisexual so he still likes boobs and vagina but he likes penises too. Kenny masturbated with his penis on the gold couch and nobody noticed and if they did they couldn't say anything because he was sixteen, so fuck the rules.

In the gold room that Stan and Kyle were in Kyle was sitting on the gold bed and he was getting really tense around Stan. There was extreme sexual tension that went on between them now ever since that vivid, vivid dream that Kyle had and he couldn't ever forget about. Kyle was bursting inside with many emotions and he had to let everything out because he is a pussy and has to confess everything now.

"Stan," Kyle said and Stan looked at him because he said his name. "On the plane…"

Kyle trailed off there because it's dramatic and he's nervous too about telling Stan his darkest secrets.

"On the plane I had a dream about you," Kyle told him and then he shed a tear because he just told Stan his darkest secret ever. Stan was shocked at what Kyle said but he can't be mad at Kyle because he is in love with him but Kyle doesn't know this yet.

"Oh really?" was what Stan said because he didn't know what else to say so he said "oh really".

"Yeah really. It… you…" Kyle stopped to think about what words to use before saying them so there's a pause here. This moment that they're sharing will be significant to the rest of the story, so pay attention. "You told me that… that I wasn't alone in this world, and that you understood me too, and I was so happy but then you just faded away into darkness."

Kyle cried and Stan held back tears because when Kyle cries it makes Stan cry because he loves him forever.

"Oh, Kyle…" Stan said and he sat next to Kyle on the gold bed and he put a hand on his back because he didn't want to be too gay if maybe Kyle wasn't but he _was_ but he didn't know that yet. So Kyle cried more and hard and Stan didn't know how to make him stop but he patted his back. But then, Stan thought, _if Kyle had dreams about me, he must be gay for me,_ so he decided that he was going to kiss Kyle because he is full of brilliant ideas like that one. So he pushed his face against Kyle's face and then they were kissing. Their kiss was really romantic and it meant everything to Kyle because now he knew that Stan was gay for him too and it made him feel like Kenny's eyes. He also finally got to touch Stan's raven black hair because it was acceptable now, and it felt like stroking a raven. When he ran his fingers through it romantically if felt like he was running his fingers romantically through a raven too. Kyle kept crying but he wasn't sad. Kyle was crying because he was happy now. And now he was sitting in Stan's lap because the kiss was long and he didn't want to sit far away so he could be close to Stan's face when he kissed him. Stan is apparently also a really excellent kisser because he was born an amazing romantic human being, and all of his kisses were perfect and he was born knowing how to love because this is how the fandom has deemed him. So they kept kissing in the bedroom and it was beautiful.

Craig and Tweek haven't been mentioned at all recently about their romantic status so now they're going to be. In their gold room they were kissing before Stan and Kyle were kissing so it was their idea first but anyway they were kissing. And when they were driving back from IHOP Craig asked Tweek to be his boyfriend even though that's completely out of character and Tweek said yes and they had their first kiss then. But no one noticed or cared so it wasn't mentioned earlier but now it just was.

So then, Stan and Kyle finished kissing just now and Kyle was the first to pull away and Stan noticed this but didn't care because he kissed his super best friend and he was feeling shocked. Kyle was blushing because he just kissed his super best friend and he was feeling shocked. But the most important thing was that now they were passionately in love and they knew that they were in love. Kyle was waiting for Stan to ask him to be his boyfriend and then Stan was waiting for Kyle to ask him to be his boyfriend but it didn't happen because they were both waiting like that. So they were sitting on the gold bed in the gold room and staring because they were both waiting because they're both pussies but Kyle is more of a pussy. But nothing happened so Kyle gave him a Kanye West shrug and left the room. When you have a gay discovery moment there are no words.

Kyle left his room and he crossed his arms like a woman because he was disappointed in his man for not asking him out. Kyle is now forever deemed the bitch in this relationship. Kyle went to go look at the kitchen because he was going to be in there most of the time. So he went into the kitchen and Stan still sat on the bed in his room.

Kenny saw Stan all alone and he stood up from the couch and put his penis away because he was masturbating to porn because it's one of his regular daily activities. And he walked into Stan's gold bedroom and he closeded the door and then he locked it with his fingers. Kenny can lock doors with his fingers. Stan was confused why Kenny closeded the door and locked it with his fingers so he raised an eyebrow. Kenny waved around the room seductively like a snake.

"You know, Stan…" Kenny said. He put a finger under Stan's chin because he was sexy and seductive like that and because Stan was gay for Kenny too even though he was loyal to Kyle he sat there and did nothing because he was seducted by Kenny's seductive seduction that seducted him. Kenny's blue cyanide eyes looked deep inside Stan's blue skinny denim jeans eyes and their hearts suddenly collided because Stan was feeling something new. "You're the first person I was gay for."

Stan was suddenly really hard in his pants because Kenny's seduction was seducting him. He swallowed and then thought about Kyle. He was betraying his true love forever. "But-"

Stan started to say some shit about Kyle but then Kenny jumped on him and pinned him down to the gold bed because Kenny was really hot for Stan and it made Stan really hot too. So then Kenny started to kiss Stan with his tongue and he touched him everywhere and Stan moaned like a submissive pussy because he topped Kyle but he didn't top Kenny so he suddenly lost all of his masculinity. Kenny grabbed hand fulls of Stan's ravenly hair, and it was a lot different than Kyle because Kyle was gentle and nice but Kenny was a fierce motherfucker and he fucking pounced on Stan because he is a savage. Kenny grabbed the raven that was Stan's hair and he choked that bitch like there was no tomorrow because he is a feisty fierce savage.

Stan really enjoyed it. He _really_ enjoyed it. He really enjoyed it too much and he started moaning really loud so then someone knocked on the door and he knew that it must be Kyle. But he didn't care right now because Kenny's tongue was in the back of his throat and he was clinging to Kenny and kept on moaning. But then Kyle kept knocking at the door.

"Stan?" Kyle said because he was curious and he knew Stan was doing something that wasn't not unacceptable. He knocked again and put his hand on his hips because he was mad. He was also holding a spatula because he was in the kitchen.

Craig came out of his room and he laughed really hard because it was funny. "Stan's fucking getting his fucking brains fucked out, Kyle," he said because it was what it sounded like it was happening. But Kyle didn't believe this because he was in doubt because his precious Stanley would never betray him like that within the few minutes that he left the room, but this was California, bitch, deal with it.

"_Ken! KEN!" _Stan screamed from inside. This filled Kyle with uncontrollable rage because he knew that Kenny was in there and he was jealous because Stan wasn't even really his boyfriend yet so it was socially acceptable but it still crushed him. So he burst through the door because he could unlock the door and when he opened it he threw his spatula on the floor and he screamed.

Stan pushed Kenny's face away from his face and then he looked really sad and stood up from the gold bed with a sad face.

"Kyle, I can explain-"

But before Stan could explain like he said he could explain Kyle ran away crying and he locked himself in the bathroom.

"Oh, shit," Kenny said because shit was going down now.


	4. TiK ToK

**CHAPTER FOUR**

tik tok

_wake up in the morning feeling like p-diddy, got my glasses, i'm out the door, i'm gonna hit this city._

tik tok by ke$ha

**authors note: lol hey guys sry for such a delay ive been busy and didnt have time to work on this godly piece of imagination that no one could ever top rofl so yah enjoy and thank you for all of the reviews because there are so many from my hundreds of loyal fans lmao OKAY ENJOY!11one**

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* * *

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Kyle's crying was really loud in the gold bathroom with the door locked and you could hear him screaming and crying in every room. Nobody really knew what to do because he was probably on his period or something so everyone sat on the gold floor outside of the gold door and they looked at each other like "oh shit".

Maybe they would have cared more if Kyle wasn't interrupting their dinner, because it was 7:12PM now and Kenny was wondering why the fuck they weren't eating dinner. So then Kenny crossed his arms and he started to make a fist with his hand and knock on the door that Kyle was crying in. Kyle made sniffing noises with his nose that was crying too and then he stopped screaming for like five seconds.

"_Go away!_" Kyle shrieked and started to cry again because he was so hurt.

"Bitch, we're hungry and it's dinner time. Get your ass in the kitchen," Kenny snapped back, and the Kyle stopped screaming. He stood up and he opened the gold door obediently and wiped away his tears and he started to go to the gold kitchen to make everybody their dinner because he was very obviously the woman of this household. So he went into the gold kitchen and he turned on the gold stove and started to make dinner for them because Kyle is really skilled in culinary things now because he's always cooking dinner for men that top his effeminate ass.

Kenny and Stan and Craig and Tweek exchanged high fives which were fives of the hand which were high, and they went to the gold living room and sat on the gold couch and hit the gold remote and flipped through the channels. They soon discovered that after 7:00PM the television people stopped airing porno and they played reruns of Barney & Friends until 5:53AM.

At exactly 5:53AM the television would go back to regularly scheduled programming and every channel would be broadcasting pornography. This made Kenny really angry because there weren't any women in the room so he relied on porn so he threw the gold remote on the floor and it shattered. But it was okay, because there were like twenty more in the spare room, so fuck the rules. So they sat there and they watched reruns of Barney & Friends while Kyle slaved away in the kitchen.

"Fuck, I've seen this fucking episode already," Craig said. Because he was a regular viewer of programs like Barney & Friends.

In the kitchen, Kyle was making like everything. He made sandwiches and pizza and ice cream and hamburgers and hot dogs and tacos and burritos and like everything else. He was working so hard that his feminine body was all sweaty and he was also sad that he had to cook for all of his men. _Why do I have to be the bitch_, Kyle thought. But, why does he even try to deny this fact, you know? It's Kyle motherfucking Broflovski, official queen of sexy Jewish whores who take it up the ass. Come on.

So then he sighed, wiping his hands that were all messy because cooking makes a mess on his pink lace apron. His apron was pink, and it was made of lace, and he had a ton of other identical ones that were all color coordinated because Kyle motherfucking Broflovski had to be color coordinated all the time. Fashion was his air and his blood. His perfectly large ginger curls bounced when he walked and framed his completely flawless, effeminate, Jewish face. They continued to do so when he walked out of the kitchen with hands on his hips and stood in front of the television so his men couldn't watch TV.

"Hey, bitch, out of the way. We're watching TV," Kenny ordered, but Kyle stood there with his hands on his hips because he was angry with his men.

"…Your food is ready," Kyle mumbled because he was really angry at everybody and was containing all of his rage because there was so much of it building inside of him. No one really gave a shit, but Stan kind of did because he felt really bad about _the incident_ so he was a total pussy now.

"Kay, sweet, move," Craig ordered. Kyle groaned with anger and his rolled his eyes and clenched his fists and stormed away. He was so mad at everybody. No one appreciated him. He did so much for them. He did so much for them and no one appreciated him. Kyle sat down at the table alone and twirled his fork around in spaghetti which he also had made.

After like two hours everybody sat down at the table. Kyle was crying earlier so now he was trying to keep it a secret again, and when everybody sat down it felt like someone was stabbing him in the heart because his heart was in emotional pain. He was in really, really deep emotional pain that no one would ever understand. Maybe Stan would understand him, but he didn't want to think about precious Stanley right now because he was a cheating back-stabbing manwhore. Fuck Stan.

Everybody started to put food on their plates. Nobody said anything to Kyle. But who gives a shit, really.

So then Kenny put his fork in his mouth. This was their first dinner out of twenty-one in California.

Kyle didn't eat that much because he was worried that he was going to get all fat. But he saw the ice cream and bacon and candy on the table, especially the bacon, and he couldn't resist so he made bacon and candy ice cream all in a pile on his plate and he started to eat it and he cried. Nobody said anything to Kyle. But who gives a shit, really.

Stan was eating a little bit of everything, because he was a little bit of everything too and everything that they eat has to reflect their personalities.

Kenny was eating a shitload of everything because Kenny _was_ a shitload of everything because he was a fucking immortal angel and his prescence at the dinner table was a motherfucking blessing to everybody, so he should be respected and praised forever. Kenny sprinkled his shitload of everything with a portion of his billions of dollars, using it as a flavorful garnish. Fuck yeah.

Craig was eating nothing again. Craig's nothing was really god damn delicious.

Tweek had coffee and meth, like always.

At one point everybody was looking at Kyle shoving his face with ice cream and bacon and Kenny was planning something really hilarious because he was full of brilliant plans such as that one. So he winked at Craig and Craig gave him a thumbs up and he winked at Tweek and Tweek screamed and he winked at Stan and Stan faked a smile and he was faking because he wasn't really happy about Kenny's decision but he didn't want to be not supportive so he smiled. Then Kenny brilliantly smiled a brilliant smile and then he proceeded to go forth with his brilliant plan.

"Hey, Kyle, do you want whipped cream on your ice cream and bacon?" Kenny asked, because this was the first step to his master plan which was brilliantly genius.

Kyle looked up from his ice cream with his jade evergreen green emerald eyes and he didn't say anything because his mouth was full and he also knew that Kenny was planning something behind his brilliant poker face. Kyle didn't say anything because he was suspicious. He made a serious face because he was serious.

"Do you?" Kenny asked again because his brilliant plan had to go on.

Kyle frowned and then everything flashed before his eyes and he knew what Kenny was going to plan so he flipped his plate of ice cream in the air and it shattered on the floor and there was ice cream and bacon everywhere. Kyle started to cry because he was holding back all of his tears forever because he is overwhelmed with heartbreak and depression constantly, and at this time of the month his fragile little body can't handle this pressure.

"I'm not your _whore!" _Kyle shrieked, storming off and slamming the door to the bedroom that he and Stan were sharing. Everybody stared at each other again but they didn't really know whether or not to care, except for Stan who really cared but he didn't want to ruin his reputation with Kenny by caring.

Stan's eyes, blue like denim of skinny jeans against the tight asses of emo kids, started to sparkle under the light that beamed down upon their golden table because there were pools of tears forming in a layer over his gorgeously tinted eyeballs. He was going to cry. But he really wasn't. It was just emotional pain deep inside him that he wasn't going to release.

Kenny laughed, because everything is funny.

"God, he didn't even know what my plan was. He ruins everything, he's such a little whore, right?" Kenny laughed and he stabbed his shitload of everything on his plate with his knife.

"Yeah," Craig said because he agreed.

Then dinner continued without Kyle.

* * *

Five minutes later, dinner was over. It was over because Kenny left the table, and Kenny controls everything so when he stood up from the gold table and shouted "clean the table, Jewish whore" everybody left too. Everybody referring to Stan and Tweek and Craig.

Kyle didn't act on Kenny's statement because he was in the bedroom totally silent so everybody was wondering if he killed himself because there were no crying noises. Everybody referring to Stan. _Oh no, what if Kyle killed himself. I wouldn't ever be able to sleep again,_ Stan was thinking and clinging to himself for emotional comfort. This wasn't a nice thought in Stan's brain. He frowned and then he pulled himself together like the manly emo-but-not-emo kid that he was, flipping the raven that was his hair away from his fucking gorgeous eyes.

Stan walked over to Kyle's gold door that was also his and he opened it because Kyle didn't lock it because hesecretly _wanted_ Stan to open the door like he did because he knows how to make Stan be concerned for him because he was born an attention whore for men.

Kyle was sitting on the bed and watching Love Actually with a box of tissues and eating out of a carton of ice cream with a spoon. He sniffled and looked up at Stan with his evergreen green eyes like forests and they were crying. Stan shut the door gently behind him because he was a romantic. Stan was happy that Kyle was eating the sadness away to chick flicks rather than hanging by his neck from a rope, so he kind of smiled but then he stopped because he remembered that he was mean to Kyle.

Kyle dug his spoon into the carton of ice cream that was vanilla ice cream and there were bacon bits sprinkled in it. He took a bite and he ate it. Stan stood by the door while Kyle sat emotionless and watched Love Actually and sniffling his nose. Kyle blinked.

"Kyle," Stan greeted in a husky but emo-kid-like voice. He smiled and so did his eyes that were the same blue that his tight skinny jeans were. Kyle didn't smile like he used to. He didn't even talk to Stan. He just sat there and ate ice cream bacon. Wow.

Stan swallowed saliva, because human beings do that, and he walked a little bit closer with caution. Kyle acted like he didn't notice but he actually did, but he didn't want to show it because he was clearly getting Stan's attention.

Then Kyle ate the last spoon full of vanilla bacon ice cream in the carton, and he groaned effeminately and threw the carton of ice cream and his spoon at the gold carpet. He crossed his arms and then he fell on his back onto the gold bed because he was being theatrical. Stan fell for this shit very easily, and Kyle was a total expert with this now because he's seductive, not like Kenny's seduction but a subtle seduction that subtly seduces you without you knowing that you've been subtly seduced. He's a sneaky little bastard.

Stan walked over to the gold bed and he sat on the end of the bed. Kyle put a giant gold pillow over his head and moaned.

"_Go away_," Kyle groaned at Stan even though he didn't want Stan to go away.

"No," Stan told him, because he wasn't going away even though Kyle told him to but he was lying. He paused in his words. "I feel bad."

Kyle whimpered because he was emotionally hurt by everybody.

"Kyle," Stan started to say again but then he stopped.

Kyle kicked his foot on the bed in denial.

"Kyle…"

Kyle cried again because he was sad. This next moment is really significant and it's going to cut off like every fanfiction ever, but better than all of them combined.

"Kyle, will you go out with me?"


	5. Just The Way You Are

**CHAPTER FIVE**

just the way you are

_when I see your face, there's not a thing that i would change, cuz you're amazing just the way you are._

just the way you are by bruno mars

* * *

**DAY TWO IN CALIFORNIA**

Kyle woke up and he was sleeping on his boyfriend's chest. His boyfriend was still asleep, and Kyle didn't want to wake up his boyfriend. Kyle blinked and looked down at his boyfriend with green evergreen jade emerald eyes that were filled with love for his boyfriend and he snuggled away from his boyfriend. His boyfriend moaned in his sleep beside him. There was something that no one but Kyle and his boyfriend knew now. Kyle had a boyfriend.

Kyle slid out of the sheets and he looked at the clock next to the bed that said 5:30AM. Kyle was very punctual and organized so he was programmed to get his ass out of bed at exactly 5:30AM to make breakfast and clean the whole damn house. Kyle secretly loved being the woman in the household but he pretended like he hated it so that he'd get men pitying him but his plans were always foiled.

He silently opened the gold door to the bedroom that he and his boyfriend were sleeping in and he silently closed the gold door behind him. Kyle effeminately walked down the golden hall and he noticed Kenny was awake and staring at the TV that was still playing Barney and Friends. Kenny turned his cyanide blue eyes and they saw Kyle standing there with his hands on his hips.

"Oh hey bitch," Kenny said and looked back at the TV. "The porn's back on in twenty minutes."

"Kenny," Kyle began to say. "Can we talk about my feelings?"

Kenny rolled his eyes. "Don't you need to clean or something?"

"Kenny, please," Kyle said again and he started to cry a little bit and used his super uke powers. "I'm so lost and I have nowhere to turn to."

Kenny was immune to all gay infatuation except for Kyle's, so he pouted a little bit and he shrugged too. Kenny made space for Kyle because he was generous now and Kyle sat next to him with his arms crossed all effeminately.

"I'm really hurt by you guys. You're hurting my feelings," Kyle confessed, and it was really deep so Kenny held back his tears because Kenny sheds no fucking tears. "I'm treated like a lesser person because of my tight ass and effeminate personality and body and brain."

Kenny didn't know what to say so he just looked at the television.

"_BARNEY, THAT'S NOT A TRIANGLE, YOU STUPID-ASS FAGGOT!"_ one of the children on Barney and Friends yelled.

Kyle started to cry because he felt like Kenny was ignoring him so he looked down at his feet and hugged himself and cried really hard. Kyle's feelings were really hurt. His feelings were hurting so bad that it felt like he was bleeding from his feelings. Kenny looked over and didn't know what to say again, but Kenny was really good with romance and seduction so he knew how to make people feel better with his tongue in their mouth. So this is what Kenny decided to do, and he grabbed Kyle's face that was crying everywhere and he slid his tongue into Kyle's mouth all passionately.

Kyle knew it was wrong because like seven hours ago he became boyfriend and boyfriend with Stan, so he was cheating on Stan by doing this and he also remembered how Stan made out with Kenny too so maybe this was like a revenge type of thing. Kyle didn't really care at the moment because Kenny's kiss was so angelic that it could have been from Jesus Christ himself.

In the bedroom, Stan conveniently woke up because his "someone-is-making-out-with-my-faggot" senses were tingling. He got out of bed because he was awake and he went down the golden hallway. And then he saw Kenny making out with Kyle and he gasped.

"Really?" he said. Kyle heard Stan and he falcon-punched Kenny away from him but it didn't effect Kenny at all but he still moved away to be generous.

"STAN, I'M SO SORRY," Kyle screamed and he clung to Stan's arm and cried some more. "I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF."

Stan usually would break up with someone if they were making out with someone else, but it was Kyle and he couldn't break up with Kyle ever. So he just gave Kyle a hug and he shrugged off the whole thing because he is such an amazing guy full of forgiveness.

"It's okay," Stan told him and he squeezed Kyle's body in the hug. "I made out with Kenny too, so it's only fair."

Kyle looked up at Stan and his raven black hair never looked more ravenly in any other time in his life and he was just waiting for it to say "nevermore" at him. Even though he just walked out of bed it was perfectly perched on his head and it was black just like the feathers of a raven. Kyle wanted to stroke the raven over and over again.

"If we're going to make this work, we need to promise to control ourselves and not make out with other guys," Stan told Kyle, and Kyle nodded in agreement because he agreed with him.

"Okay," Kyle nodded more. "I'll try. For you."

This was really romantic.

When suddenly Tweek burst the fuck out of his bedroom and flung himself at the wall and screamed. This ended all romantic activity for the next four hours.

"_GGGAHAGAGHDSFJADKFAS!_" Tweek legibly screamed.

Craig came out of the room and he yawned too because he was really tired-looking. It was exactly 5:49AM, so that would be expected. He walked out more and flipped everybody off and his messy and inferior-to-Stan's black hair was all messy.

"Tweek, calm the fuck down," and he did.

"What's wrong with him?" Kenny asked, chugging a can of beer and crushing it and throwing it behind him and making a gold window shatter. Fuck yeah.

"Hasn't had his fucking coffee yet," Craig swallowed saliva because people do this. "He needs his fucking coffee right now."

Everybody looked at Kyle because he was really skilled in everything involving the kitchen.

"How would coffee help-" Kyle started to say, but Kenny made him stop talking because he needed to shut his whore mouth right now.

"Get your ass in the kitchen," Kenny demanded, and Kyle obediently did so and he mumbled to himself to because he was being a little Jewish bitch. Stan got kind of mad about Kenny's tone toward Kyle, because they were boyfriends now and Stan obviously topped so now he had to be Kyle's balls.

"Dude, don't talk to my boyfriend like that," Stan snapped. Kenny ignored him and waved his hand with excitement.

"The porn's back. _The porn's back," _Kenny said, and he pointed at the TV that was a close shot of Barney's face smiling and "Like A G6" was playing backwards in the background. Then it cut to static for a minute like _zrtzrtztrt_ and then it went back to naked women and sex. Everyone cheered except for Tweek who was screaming in the corner and Kyle who was making breakfast in his frilly pink apron.

Kyle was putting eggs and toast on serving plates and a large steak for himself and coffee into mugs, doing all of this really fast because he was so advanced in the kitchen that you'd think he'd been in housewife training for like twenty years but that wasn't possible because he was sixteen and young and supple. He was just born with this intense skill of cleaning and cooking and doing other effeminate shit. He finished pouring the coffee and putting everything on the plates and he put it all out on the golden table all organized and watered the golden centerpiece made of golden flowers.

"_Breakfast!_" Kyle chirped, because the California sun was making it sunny everywhere and the sunny sun made Kyle feel like he was a sun and sunny over everything around him. He was happy now. And when he looked at Stan's face he was even sunnier over everything.

Everybody sat down at the table and Kenny and Craig flipped off Jesus before they stabbed knives into their eggs. Jesus cried somewhere in heaven, and Kenny laughed to himself because even though he is a beautiful cherubic immortal angel being he was evil sometimes. Tweek poured all of the coffee in the pot into his mouth and gargled it in his mouth like _zrtztrrttr_. This was their second breakfast in California.

"Thanks for the breakfast, _Kyle_," he said really loudly because he was mad at how ungrateful people were. Kyle shrugged and smiled but no one else really gave a shit.

Stan frowned as Kenny finished chewing. Then Kenny slammed his hands on the table.

"Okay, you guys, guess what we're doing today," Kenny said. Everyone looked at him when he said this so he just continued with his sentence because he didn't have time for people's voice right now. "We're going to the beach."

Everyone gasped with happiness and they raised their hands like yeah and all screamed "fuck yeah!" and they all high-fived, even Kyle. They were pretty much in California just to go to the beach. For twenty-one days.

So then they all talked about what they were going to do at the beach and Kenny pulled out a map and they all squealed like the faggots they were except for Kenny who was bisexual and they marked the places at the pier that they wanted to go to with sparkly unicorn stickers.

"Oh, oh, dude, we have to go on the roller coaster. I hear it's the most intense in the world," Kenny said. Everyone nodded, and since Tweek had his coffee now he was totally normal and cool so he nodded in agreement to because he is all for potentially dangerous activities. Oh, Tweek.

So Kenny marked the roller coaster with a sticker of a unicorn with wings, which would make it half Pegasus actually so he marked the roller coaster picture with a pegacorn sticker. Then Craig got out a pink marker and they drew a trail on the map on where in the pier they would go and how much time they would spend on the beach. This was really, really fucking exciting and you should be so fucking excited for them because they have never been to the beach ever because they live in the mountains.

They covered the map in sparkles and lines and pegacorns and unicorns and their schedule was finally complete. They all high-fived and Kenny rolled up the map.

"Okay guys," Kenny began. "We need to get ready to hit California now."

Everyone agreed with happiness and glee and joy, and then Craig and Tweek went to their bedroom to get all pretty and ready to go to the beach. Stan went back to the bedroom but Kyle had to stay and clean up all of the breakfast and Kenny even shattered his plate but thanks to Kyle's housewife magic it was all clean within a matter of seconds. Then he ran down the hall and jumped into Stan's arms in his bedroom. Stan spun him around the room and it was beautiful. Stan was such an amazing romantic boyfriend.

Then Stan and Kyle fell on the bed because they were dizzy from spinning and they giggled like it happens in all of the romantic movies. Kyle wanted to kiss Stan like that one time but he also didn't want to ruin everything _like last time _so he stood up from the bed and opened the golden dresser under their golden plasma TV and looked at the drawer magically full of a brand new fashionable wardrobe. Kyle squealed and pulled out a white t-shirt that had a zebra on it and it said "SURPRISE" in red, bleeding letters. Stan pulled out a black v-neck and Kyle smiled at the thought of his boyfriend wearing it tight against his emo kid figure and the raven that was his hair spreading its wings in the wind from the waves of the beach, black feathers rustling with the breeze.

He shook his head and was back into the reality that was his life again, and he watched Stan take his shirt off slowly through the part of his eye that was the corner because he is such a sneaky little Jewish whore. Stan noticed and laughed, slipping on the v-neck and sliding tight-ass skinny jeans over his black boxers because all of his wardrobe was black except for his blue denim skinny jeans that were the color of his amazing eyes too.

Kyle shook his head and put on the t-shirt with the zebra and blood letters that said "SURPRISE" on it and some jeans that were normal and loose and didn't grab his amazing ass like they grabbed Stan's. But he was still really sexy and attractive in it because he always looks effeminate because he is, so Stan still got massive boners for his appearance. So did Kenny, but you weren't supposed to know that.

Stan would have kissed Kyle when he noticed that he was watching him take his shirt off, but he was planning something five times as romantic so he didn't want to spoil Kyle because he wanted Kyle to really really want him when his plan went into action, because you know how Stan is the fucking master of romance.

So they both changed clothes and left the bedroom and met Kenny in the living room. He was wearing his sunglasses and a white button-down v-neck shirt that was incredibly sexy. Stan was wearing sunglasses too. And when Craig and Tweek came out, they were wearing sunglasses. Kyle didn't have sunglasses because he was Jewish. He was jealous of all of his friends with sunglasses. All of his friends had sunglasses.

Kenny tossed a backpack to Kyle and he caught it and kinda lost his balance when he caught it.

"What is this," Kyle said, but it was monotoneously and without a question mark because he wasn't approving of this.

"Our stuff, which you will carry," Kenny said. Kyle pouted and Stan groaned, taking the bag from Kyle's womanly arms and putting the backpack on his back. Kyle really appreciated it and he smiled at him and Stan winked at him, but it was all casual and shit. "Fine then, Stan."

"Alright, fags, let's hit the sand," Kenny did a quaint little dance and he pushed open the giant golden doors that said "latur" in a ghetto woman's voice when they did so and they all left the room. They walked down the stunning golden hallways and everything until they reached the elevators and then Kenny hit the button that made the ghetto woman's voice say "down" through the speakers. Craig had a hand over Tweek's mouth so he wouldn't scream loud.

Then the golden doors opened like _ztrztrztr_ to reveal a picture of boobs getting poured with liquid gold in a golden frame. They all walked inside and Kenny hit the down button and the ghetto woman said "dayown" and Tweek screamed but it was muffled into Craig's hand so it sounded like _zrztrtzrtz _and then the doors closed like _zrtzrt_ and then it went down like _zrtztr_. This time the elevators were playing "I'm In Miami Bitch" by LMFAO over the speakers.

In the elevator, Kyle also noticed that Kenny was wearing Axe and he inhaled deep and he was seducted by Kenny's seductive seduction. Stan didn't notice this though because he just thought Kyle was smelling the air because there was a Dancing Waters air freshener in the elevator, and everything smelling like the way dancing waters did.

But that wasn't what was seducting Kyle. Kyle knew this. He had a metaphorical third nostril for Axe, and he knew that Kenny was wearing it because he had thermal vision too so he switched to his thermal vision and there was Axe coming out from Kenny's pores so he knew for sure that it was him and so he switched back to people vision.

Because Kenny was a motherfucking cherubic angel from Heaven, he knew that Kyle liked his Axe but he didn't say anything because he was subtle and seductive. He didn't love Kyle, but he wanted him sexually because he was effeminate and right up his alley. So he pulled shit like this. The end.

The doors opens like _zrtzrtftzrtzr_ and then they all left the elevator and "I'm In Miami Bitch" was playing even louder in the lobby. The same woman from yesterday morning was behind the golden desk and she waved at them but they all flipped her off at the same time with their sunglasses except for the diabetic kosher effeminate homosexual inferior Jew.

But when they left the golden doors of Sex on the Beaches Hotel, Kenny got a text on his iBerrydroid 6G and it was like _zrztr_ztrztfrin his pants, so he pulled it out of his pants. _Who the fuck is it from_, he thought to himself.

"Who the fuck is it from?" Craig said. Kenny read his mind like yeah.

Kenny flipped open, slid to unlock, typed in a passcode, and spun his iBerrydroid 6G to unlock it and it said "_zzrtrtfr good morning Kenny McKormick_" to him, and then the message popped up. It had a picture of the front of his orange Lamborghini in a square and then the message popped up.

'_Sup Ken,_

_I'm chillin' with my homies in Cali today. Sry bro, can't drive you and shit today because I forgot to tell you bout my plans so I can't take you to the beach or the pier. LOL SRY MAN see you tonight after the nightclub but I'll be pretty fucking drunk_

_love, your orange lamborghini_

_p.s.: i can pick up subway or something on the way back what do you want on your sandwich_

"FUCKING CAR," Kenny yelled and threw his iBerrydroid 6G at the floor and it shattered but he pulled out his third one from his pants. "Always pulling shit like this."

"How the fuck are we going to get to the beach?" Craig asked.

Then everybody looked at Kyle, because they totally forgot about Kyle's advanced locomotionary knowledge of location directions. They didn't say anything, though. Kyle laughed because he was funny and he started walking to the pier in the exactly right way. Everybody followed him and they made it to the beach within a matter of one minute and twenty eight seconds. Kyle was like a Mapquest, but he was a person. It was like a two in one deal.

So then the five of them, in case you were in a tragic accident and forgot everything but decided to continue to read this fanfiction, were Kenny, Stan, Kyle, Craig, and Tweek. So then the five of them reached the sandy beaches at last and they all cheered and did high-fives. Then Kenny stopped so everyone stopped walking too.

"Oh, look, this is convenient," he said, and he pointed at five golden beach chairs that appeared in front of them and were perfectly in between the beach and the pier. They all did high-fives again and Stan put the backpack on one of the beach chairs and Kenny buttoned down his v-neck button-down white shirt to the last button so that his Axe smell was making the air all Axe-y. Stan finally smelled Kenny's Axe, but he was immune to it because he was a manly man but he turned to Kyle who was clearly infatuated by the smell and Stan groaned with anger and jealousy.

"Hey, Kenny, can I borrow your Axe?" Stan whispered subtly to Kenny. Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"I have like fifty-seven in the backpack. God," Kenny shook him off, and Stan kinda frowned and then he opened the backpack and he sprayed all of them on because he's so desperate. So now he was fifty-seven more times sexier than Kenny. He stood there in a glorious pose and then he heard a stampede from a mile away.

"What is that?" Kyle asked, squinting at the massive mass approaching from the sand. Then he saw what it was. "Oh _shit_."

It was billions of Californian women in bathing suits, and they were here because of Stan's intensely seductive scent.

"Bro, how much of that did you put on?" Kenny asked Stan.

"Like… like, I don't know, all of them-"

"YOU FOOL!" Kenny hissed, and he pushed Stan backwards and backwardser until he hit the ocean, and the Axe mixed with the salt water and it cleansed Stan's skin of all of the Axe aroma. So then Stan got out and he didn't smell like Axe anymore so the billions of woman stopped in their tracks and they all shrugged and did whatever women do. Oh, they all went back to the kitchen where they made billions of sandwiches to feed the hungry.

Stan sighed and Kyle raised an eyebrow because he was mad at Stan about the Axe and then when he saw him he forgot what he was going to say to him, because the raven that was his hair was all wet and dripping, and it spread its wings in the wind and shook the drops off when Stan shook his head. It was even longer when it was wet and his black V-neck was all wet too.

Stan was sad because he wasn't sexy now, but he didn't know that Kyle found him more attractive now even when he wasn't wearing seductive cologne.

"Okay, that's taken care of," Stan said. He looked at Kyle whose mind was currently breaking like _zrtzrttrtrfr_ and he was staring at Stan. "What?"


	6. We R Who We R

**CHAPTER SIX**

we r who we r

_tonight were going hhhhard, just like the world is ououours, were tearing it aparparpart, you know were superstars, we r who we r_

we r who we r by ke$ha

**authors note: Y U NO REVIEW I AM DISSAPPOINT**

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* * *

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So after that really dramatic thing that just happened, everyone tried to forget about it and they started to head to the giant pier that was on a boardwalk over the beach. There was also an eternal picturesque beach sunset in the sky even though it was barely almost 9:00AM in the morning. But it was California, so shut your whore mouth.

The five of them started to stride down the amazing shore of the beach that was all amazing and the waves reflected the pink and orange sunlight from the sunset. They left footprints in the sand behind them and it was completely beautiful. They were all wearing sunglasses, of course, except Kyle who was Jewish. Kyle didn't have sunglasses. He was jealous of all of his friends with sunglasses. All of his friends had sunglasses. Friends had sunglasses. Sunglasses. Glasses. Asses.

As they were walking, Stan who was all soaking wet and sparkly in the sun saw that Kyle was all sad. He wanted to hold his body against his sexy soaking wet body but he was trying to build up sexual tension between them so that his master plan would go down totally perfectly. Stan came up with very genius plans such as this one all the time. Kyle saw Stan looking at him from the part of his eye that was the corner and he smiled, but Stan looked away before then so it was all okay.

The five of them finally reached the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun, and they all did high-fives and Kenny did a jumping spin in the California air, pulling their map out of his pants that contained everything. He unfolded it and then he pointed at a smiling unicorn face sticker that was stuck on the picture of the entrance to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun. Then he followed the trail of rainbows and sparkles that they created with his supple fingertip along the paper that was the map. The next stop that they marked was the ticket booth, because they needed to get tickets to enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun. Kenny understood so his rolled it up and shoved it back in his pants and pushed his sunglasses closer to his face.

"We need to go to the ticket booth for the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun, that way we can get tickets for the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun and enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun so we can go on all of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun that are inside of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun," Kenny told everybody.

Kyle was confused.

"But we're standing in the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun, so we wouldn't be getting Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun tickets to get _into_ the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun, because we're inside of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun, so we're actually getting Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun tickets for the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun rides that are at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun," he corrected Kenny, because he was wrong. But he wasn't, god.

"Fuck the motherfucking Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun. The fucking Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun can fucking fuck its fucking Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun self," Craig insulted.

"Hey, don't get the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun into this, Craig. What did the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun ever do to you, besides being the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun and the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun? Nothing. The Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun did nothing but be the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun," Stan snapped back.

"NNNG, YOU GUYS, THE Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun IS NOT THE PLACE TO BE ARGUING ABOUT THE Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun BECAUSE THE PEOPLE AT THE Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun CAN HEAR ALL OF OUR WORDS THAT WE UTTER ABOUT THE Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun SO IN RESPECT OF THE Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun WE SHOULD SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT THE Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun! THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE AT THE Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun!" Tweek screamed.

"Come on you guys, this is the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun. Let's just enjoy ourselves at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun," Kenny groaned. "After all, we're all in this together."

"Yeah," Stan agreed because he was an all-around agreeable fellow.

So then they left the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun argument behind them, and went deeper into the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun and she took it. After striding through the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun with their sunglasses like yeah, they reached the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun. They moved closer to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun and Kenny went right up to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun while the four others stood further behind the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun with sunglasses except Kyle.

"Oh look, it's the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun," Kyle pointed out.

Kenny stood at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun desk and he looked inside for the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun employee, but they weren't there yet.

"This is the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun, right? Or is the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun somewhere else?" Kenny asked.

Then the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun was like _ztrtzrrtzrt_ and the door flew open and a Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun person was standing there with a T-shirt that said "I LOVE THE Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun". The Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun bowed because she was their slave.

"Welcome to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun. C the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun employee asked behind the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun desk.

Kenny, who was at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun desk, turned his head away from the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun and to his four friends who were standing at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun right behind him in line for the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun.

"Hey, you guys," Kenny started to say, and he was at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun with his best friends for life who were also at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun in California. "How many are standing at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun today?"

Kyle blinked at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun. Then he opened his mouth at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun because he was going to speak before the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun. Then he made his voice talk while he was standing at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun.

"Five," he said.

"Oh," Kenny said. "What?"

"Five," he said.

"Oh," Kenny said. "Okay."

So then, at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun, he turned his head back to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun to face the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun person at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun. The Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun smiled at him.

"Five," Kenny said to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun person.

"Okay, five," the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun person said. "That's going to be 899.99$."

Oh, shit. They forgot that California was an expensive place, but even more importantly the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun was an expensive place. But then, oh, Kenny remembered that he was Kenny McKormick, the richest man on planet Earth. So he slid a wallet made of solid diamonds from his pants, and pulled out a 1,000$ dollars bill. Then he pelted his wallet made of solid diamonds to the floor, and it shattered into billions of diamonds and slit the eyes of all babies within a five-yard radius of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun.

The Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun person took the 1,000$ dollars bill and she gave Kenny back 1,000,000$ dollar dollars money in change because she suddenly realized that this was Kenny motherfucking McKormick.

"Oh my god," the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun said with a surprised voice. "You… you're Kenny motherfucking McKormick. The richest, most successful, and entertaining player in the world."

Kenny motherfucking McKormick rolled his eyes. He got this every day from bitches like this, especially at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun. My god. "Yeah, yeah…" he shrugged it off without any respect or appreciation because, 1. He was sixteen, 2. He was Kenny motherfucking McKormick, and 3. The Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun.

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm so sorry to have been in your presence," the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun said before Kenny.

"It's okay…" he trailed off, scanning for the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun person's name tag. He found it. It said RUTH, Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun Employee. "…Ruth. I'll let it slide this time."

"Thank you, your highness," she got on her knees on the floor of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun but then quickly stood up from the floor of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun because she was wasting Kenny's time. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm wasting your time all of the time! Here, take your Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun tickets!"

The Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun stood up and she handed a ticket from the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun to Kenny, a ticket from the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun to Stan, a ticket from the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun to Kyle, a ticket from the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun to Craig, and a ticket from the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun to Tweek.

"Thank you for coming to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun," the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun woman said.

And then Kenny turned around, and they finally all left the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Ticketing Area of Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Tickets to Enter the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun Booth of Fun at last.

And they all exchanged high-fives.

"Okay, this means it's time for…" Kenny started, and he pulled out the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun map from his bottomless pants. He rolled out the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun map, revealing an elaborate, glorious picture of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun. His supple finger tips slid across the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun map and they followed the rainbow sparkle trail from the sticker of the ass of the unicorn shitting blood sticker and it led to the actual real gate of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun. "The actual real gate of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun!"

Then Kenny rolled up the map and shoved it back into his pants. It was time to go to the actual gate of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun.

Kyle was so hot for Stan.


	7. Whip My Hair

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

whip my hair

_i whip my hair back and forth, i whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth, i whip my hair back and forth, i whip my hair back and forth, i whip my hair back and forth, i whip my hair back and forth, i whip my hair back and forth_

whip my hair by willow

**authors note: THIS IS IT U GUYS ITS ALL COMIGN DOWN TO HTSHI THIS U WILL BE SO EXCITED!11! U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH U HAVE BEEEN SECERETLY WAITIGN FOR THIS CHARPETER OK LOLLOLOKMLMAO IM DONE TKLING NO WBECAUSE U NEED 2 READ THIS RITE NOW OKKTHXBYE ENJOY AND DONT FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE VIDEOS wait what**

**p.s.: now taking OCs to be involved in this incredible adventure. gogogolmaodesu**

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The five of them continued to walk deeper into the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun, this time to the actual gate of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun. Kyle really, really, really, _really_ wanted to hold Stan's hand but he was too afraid and intimidated by his soaking wet body to ask, and plus Stan would deny it anyway even though he didn't want to deny him but he had to to carry on with his plans. The two of them were always in some sort of sexually frustrating struggle which was not only sexual, but frustrating and struggling too.

Their relationship was not working.

_Our relationship is not working_, Kyle thought. They hadn't even kissed since Stan asked him to be his boyfriend. Kyle needed more attention from his man.

But whatever, the five of them walked to the actual gate of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun. There was a guy here at the actual gate of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun and he waved at the five of them as they all strode towards the actual gate of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun with their sunglasses except for Kyle.

They all strode in like yeah and the sights that their eyes saw when they entered blew their minds forever. Well, they all did a good job of hiding the fact that their minds were fucking exploding in their gay little skulls, except for Kyle who can never control himself ever.

So Kyle was having a little emotional fit as they entered and Stan_ really_ wanted to hold him and Kyle _really_ wanted to be held, but this couldn't take place because then it would interrupt Stan's plans of building up the sexual tension between him and Kyle to initiate his master plan of a lifetime. But Kyle was misinterpreting this though, and he started to feel like Stan was ignoring him and falling out of love with him. But Stan was going to make this awesome, don't worry.

So then they all flashed their tickets to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun guy, and he gave them a thumbs-up and they all flipped him off in response to this. But he continued to give them a thumbs-up because even though he was incredibly emotionally hurt by their careless actions, he sucked all of that shit up and just kept giving them a thumbs-up. But, alas, this is irrelephant.

Then Kenny pulled out the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun map from his pants, and everyone gathered around him because they were so interested. They were at the gate to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun right now, and the next sparkly pink marker glitter line led to the first ride, the Flamespin Revenge Of Fun. The Flamespin Revenge Of Fun was like a roller coaster that shot straight up into the sky, and it was incredibly tall and sickening to look at but you know how manly Kenny is so of course he was going to ride this bitch.

Oh, and there were flames on the Flamespin Revenge of Fun but this wasn't really all that relevant. Anyway, Kenny and friends stopped right in front of the Flamespin Revenge of Fun, which was currently shooting up and down and fucking shooting flames from the sides and Kyle could feel the heat against his smooth, supple skin. The ride terrified him beyond belief, and he stood rendered helpless next to the love of his life who was keeping himself together right now. Stan was on the border between total man and total pussy, and depending on who he was romantically involved with those levels would lean towards one side. But, alas, he wasn't currently romantically involved with Kyle because he was waiting for his _master plan _to be initiated, so he was at a neutral balance right now.

"Alright, I'm up for this. Who else is gonna ride the Flamespin Revenge of Fun with me?" Kenny asked, flexing while saying this because he's such a manly man with a penis.

Stan swallowed his pride. This was for Kyle. "I am."

"Oh, really? You sure?" Kenny raised an eyebrow and laughed pitifully for Stan's fake manliness.

"Yes. I'm riding the Flamespin Revenge of Fun with you," Stan gulped down his saliva while saying this, because this is an action that humans perform.

When Stan agreed to ride this ride, Kyle's heart silently called out for his boyfriend because he was so worried about him. The Flamespin Revenge of Fun was a complete death trap, there was even an asterisk on the "Flamespin Revenge of Fun*" sign, and at the bottom in fine print it said "_*a complete death trap. you are going to die." _and Kyle didn't want to lose his darling on this ride, even though he was ignoring him and all that dramatic bullshit.

So Kyle swallowed down his effeminateniscity, and he grabbed Stan's sleeve as he started to walk with Kenny towards the Flamespin Revenge of Fun.

"Stan," he said, because that was Stan's name. It was Stan.

Stan turned around and looked at his boyfriend, and his skinny jeans demin blue eyes blinked at him and into him.

"I'm riding with you," Kyle stated, and kept holding onto his sleeve and looking at him.

"Ky… Kyle, no, you're going to get hurt or die or something…" Stan pleaded at him, rubbing the back of his head. He was holding everything back from Kyle and it was dramatic.

"So will you! What, am I more prone to injury and death than you are?" Kyle snapped, with his hands on his hips.

Stan didn't respond to Kyle's comment, because Kyle really was more prone to death and injury because he was effeminate and Jewish but it was his boyfriend so he wasn't going to be a dick because Stan wasn't a dick. "I'm… I'm just worried about you, because the Flamespin Revenge of Fun will burn you alive and spike you and…"

"Then I want to get burned and spiked with you. You're my boyfriend. You aren't acting like you are, Stan," Kyle frowned. This was a really romantic moment between them, actually. But Stan can't be romantic because of his _master plan_, remember?

So he held back his tears and awful feelings and he shook his head and shook Kyle away from him and he walked towards the Flamespin Revenge of Fun and he shuddered too because the ride was really intimidating. Kyle was emotionally crushed, and he sniffled and cried and there was only Craig and Tweek there.

Tweek walked up to Kyle and gave him a backpat but it was all shaky and weird, but it was genuine. Tweek was the only other person who took it up the ass, except for Stan when he was with Kenny and Craig when he was with Kenny and Craig when he was with Stan. Kyle took a second to wonder who would top if he was in a relationship with Tweek and then he forgot about that thought.

Kyle watched Stan and Kenny, who were now at the front of the line and were getting onto the ride and pulled handlebars over their heads and onto their shoulders. They looked at each other and both swallowed down and then spikes shot out all around their seat and then handcuffs formed around their wrists and the flames shot the fuck out of these giant cannons on the seats where Stan and Kenny were sitting like _zrrtrtrtzrtrztrt_ and then the guy who let them through the line went to this big machine. The big machine had buttons and levers and stuff and then the man hit a button on the big machine and it was like _ztrzrtzrtzrtrftzr _and then the ride was like _zrzrrttrftzrftz_ and then the Flamespin Revenge of Fun shot up into the sky and it was fueled by intense flames. Stan screamed but Kenny was totally serious and silent.

Kyle had to turn away as his hot piece of ass boyfriend shot up into the sky with flames and spikes and was spun around. _He's going to die,_ Kyle thought all sad. Kyle needed support right now. He needed a lot of support. Then, all of a surprised sudden, Craig rolled his eyes and held Kyle against him. Kyle gasped, opening his eyes and thinking that it was Stan at first, but then he saw Craig's inferior black hair and he was emotionally crushed again. But someone was holding him. Craig was holding him. Kyle smiled gratefully, nuzzling against Craig's chest and crying into him.

Craig pet Kyle's back like he was a cat, and he rubbed against Craig and whimpered like _zrztfzrftzfr _and cried and cried and cried tears from out of his eyes. He had never done this with Stan. It was new. He felt wrong… Craig wasn't his boyfriend, Stan was. But Stan was ignoring him and being a dick. He was in a serious situation right now.

The Flamespin Revenge of Fun started to end and Kenny and Stan were all disoriented and shit. Kenny wasn't burned at all by the flames and shit, but Stan was very slightly toasted and had rosy colored skin. The Flamespin Revenge of Fun finally came to a stop, and the handcuffs and seatbelts and handlebars all came undone and Stan and Kenny got off all disoriented and dizzy.

When Stan stabled himself, he looked up and he saw Craig holding Kyle in his arms and Kyle crying into his chest. He clenched his fists, power walking towards Craig and Kyle and giving them a Kanye West shrug.

"Craig, what's your problem?" Stan asked with anger inside of him.

"What the fuck's _my_ fucking problem? I'm comforting _your_ fucking boyfriend who is emotionally crushed by your attitude," Craig snapped, squeezing Kyle.

"Well, get away from him. This isn't your problem," Stan growled, prying Craig's arms away from Kyle.

Craig released his grip, and Kyle who was fucking streaming with tears wobbled around and hugged himself.

Even though Stan's plan was going to get ruined, Stan felt that maybe he needed to stop creating sexual tension. They weren't ready for that. Right now, his boyfriend needed love and cuddles and nutrition. He didn't need frustration and sadness. This was a glorious epiphany that just occurred to Stan. He mentally kicked himself for being such a dick and then he walked over to crying Kyle. But maybe he could still continue with his plan but pay attention to Kyle too. This was his conclusion.

Crying Kyle slowed his hyperventilationing and he bit his lip when he looked up at Stan's face. Stan smiled, taking Kyle's hand and trying to make minimal physical contact with his boyfriend but just enough to shut him the fuck up. Kyle's heart was like _zrtzzrtzrgftfzrrt_ and then they all met up in a circle and Kenny pulled out the map.

"Okay, next is the Fun and Stuff Ferris Wheel of Fun," Kenny announced, pointing to a sticker of a unicorn frolicking in an endless field of roses and happiness.

"F-FERRIS WHEEL. WE CAN ALL RIDE THE F-FERRISS WHEEL!" Tweek spazzed and flailed around and Craig covered Tweek's mouth with his hand and Tweek stopped. He hadn't had coffee today by the way so he was especially over-spasmodic.

"Yeah, it'll be fucking awesome," Kenny added, starting to walk with everybody through the gorgeous beach pier amusement park boardwalk. The sun was setting eternally and it was all sunny and California-like, because they were all in California.

Kyle and Stan held hands the whole way to the ferris wheel, and Kyle swung their arms lightly so that it was now a beautiful swinging motion. It made Kyle filled up to the brim of his emotional level with happiness. Stan really enjoyed it too, even though he wanted to avoid all of his emotional connection with Kyle in order for his process of initiating the _master plan _that he was planning, but right now Kyle needed this. Stan squeezed Kyle's hand kind of and Kyle giggled all effeminately.

Kenny and the four other insignificant teenage faggots all approached the Fun and Stuff Ferris Wheel of Fun, which was really fucking huge and colorful and would give them a beautiful romantic view of the California beach on the sunset. Kyle squealed. This could be where Stan and Kyle would have their first kiss. Even though they already kissed in like the third chapter, that didn't really count because they weren't even dating so they actually haven't kissed yet, so forget all that you have previously read about any mouth-to-mouth contact exchanged between Stan and Kyle. Because it was all invalid. Deal with it.

Kenny and the four other insignificant faggots went up to the line for the Fun and Stuff Ferris Wheel of Fun, and it was really, really long. Kenny rolled his eyes, pushing people out of the way like "move bitch, get out the way" and shoving his way to the front of the line with his four loyal bitches. The man at the gate got on his knees before them, and opened the gate to the Fun and Stuff Ferris Wheel of Fun for them and they stepped inside.

Kenny and the four other insignificant faggots got onto the first gondola on the Fun and Stuff Ferris Wheel of Fun that they saw, and the man right away spun the wheel so that they were on the very top highest part of the Fun and Stuff Ferris Wheel of Fun, and everyone else was lesser and at lower heights. He stopped the ride for them and didn't let anyone else on. Kenny and Craig flipped off everyone else below them from the sky. They were sixteen, so fuck the rules, seriously.

Kenny, Craig, and Tweek all launched into an intricate educational discussion on the coordinational arrangement of astrophysics, so Kyle knew that this was the moment for him and Stan. Kenny, Craig, and Tweek were all on the other side of the gondola, and Kyle and Stan had the one side to themselves with a fucking sexy view of the California beach seashore with the sunset making the sky pink and yellow and orange and other varieties of orgasmic.

Kyle grabbed Stan's hands delicately and looked deep down into his skinny jeans demin blue eyes, smirking with one side of his smile. Stan smiled back at him and looked into Kyle's evergreen emerald pine jade green eyes, but then he finally realized what Kyle was getting at. Kyle wanted Stan to kiss him. Stan really fucking wanted to but it would mess up his entire incredible _master plan_ so he just couldn't do it. Kyle didn't know this and he thought Stan was ready, so Kyle leaned in his face a little closer and looked all sexy and effeminate and waited for Stan to kiss him. Stan could feel the sexual tension developing so he kept on not kissing Kyle. This was what he wanted. If this sexual tension built more and more, then Stan's _master plan_ would be very nicely executed.

Kyle was sad now. This was the most perfect moment ever and Stan wasn't going to kiss him. But then, Kyle spontaneously out of the blue got a really good idea too. Maybe, instead of Stan always taking the steps in their not very progressive relationship, Kyle could finally make a move on his fine piece of emo kid ass. Kyle could show Stan how far he's willing to take this. This was a really, really good idea that Kyle just had.

So then as the California waves were like _zrztzrtzffzsr_ and Stan was casually looking over the side of the gondola and down below him on the seashore side, Kyle licked his lips and pressed them against Stan's amazingly delectable and supple lips. Stan gasped, and at first he really liked it, but then he remembered the plans he had for his _master plan _so he reluctantly pulled away from his damn sexy boyfriend. Kyle was heartbroken, and let go of Stan's hands. Maybe they weren't ever going to be ready for romantic progression. _What was I thinking_, Kyle thought to himself. No one understood him.

Kyle and Stan had shared their first kiss and Stan pulled away from it. This fact emotionally crushed Kyle in every way possible. He didn't want to cry again but he couldn't stop it this time. He kept crying forever and ever and then he swallowed down his sadness and looked over at Stan who was really really sad looking too.

"St-stan, I… I think we should break up," Kyle whimpered, rubbing his tears away from his red and bloodshot eyes that were crying.

Stan gasped. _Oh, fuck, _he thought. "No! _No,_ Kyle, please-"

"But you keep ignoring me and pulling away and being a total dick to me… it really hurts my feelings. My feelings are so hurt that I can feel them bleeding, Stan. Do you like when my feelings bleed? Do you want some blood from my feelings? Because I have a lot of feeling blood gushing out of my feelings. Go ahead, take all of my blood, because I- _mmmmph…_" Kyle started to rant and cry, but he was interrupted by Stan, who had grabbed Kyle's delicate effeminate Jew face and kissed his lips for the first time. _This was the first time,_ so shut your whore mouth.

Kyle started to cry tears of happiness and he put his arms around Stan's neck, and he kept kissing him and kissing him high above the California beach seashore side, their faces lit perfectly by the warm sunset. It was so beautiful that somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, Jesus Christ himself shed a tear of pure joy for Stan and Kyle's glorious connection at the lips.


	8. Teenage Dream

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

teenage dream

_you make me feel like im living a teenage dream, the way you turn me on i cant speak_

teenage dream by katy perry

**authors note: well k I have no people submitting ocs yet so there are no ocs in this chapter im sry but you can submit them plz and they will be in chpter 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 and so on**

**okkkk plz enjoy this chapter it is gon be fine**

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After that incredibly glorious moment that they experienced, Stan and Kyle and the three other teenage faggots were all now at a corn dog stand at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Of Fun because in the time that you clicked that button to go here, they had finished the Fun And Stuff Ferris Wheel of Fun, gone on the Love Boat of Love of Fun where there was a ton of slash and gayness and you missed it all, and then they all went to the beach and splashed each other in the eternal sunset.

But now they were all ordering corn dogs, so fuck you.

Oh, and to clear things up again, with the kiss that Stan placed upon Kyle's supple lips, he had broken the initiative for his _master plan_ and therefore his _master plan_ wouldn't be as amazing as it was going to be because they already had their first kiss on the ferris wheel now so it couldn't be an aspect of his _master plan_, but he was still going to have his _master plan_ there just wouldn't be their first kiss in it or the amount of sexual tension that he had planned that it would have. The end.

But right now they were all ordering corn dogs, so fuck you.

"Yeah, we'll get five corn dog combos, uhm…" Kenny started to say to the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand. "And a chocolate cake."

"We don't sell chocolate cake," the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand said.

"I want some fucking chocolate cake," Kenny snarled at the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand. "Do you know who the fuck you're talking to?"

The person behind the counter of the corn dog stand raised an eyebrow. Who the fuck were they talking to? They squinted and Kenny lowered his sunglasses to reveal his fucking sexy cyanide blue eyes. And then the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand knew whom the fuck they were talking to.

"Oh my god, it's Kenny motherfucking McCormick, the richest, sexiest, money making player on planet Earth. I am so, so sorry, sir. I'm getting you chocolate cake right now. There will be chocolate cake. There will be so much fucking chocolate cake for you," the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand pleaded.

"That's more like it," Kenny smirked.

Kenny's reputation was very, very widespread in California and it goes without question. He was the sexiest, richest money making player on planet Earth, after all, so he was bound to get a few head turns and people getting on their knees for him. Kenny used his renowned reputation to his advantage, to get things like chocolate cake at corn dog stands at the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun. Being sexy and rich was awesome.

The person behind the counter proceeded to tell people at the corn dog stand to make chocolate cake, because Kenny motherfucking McCormick was waiting, and they whispered to each other and shit because they were so honored to be in Kenny's presence. Kyle and Stan and Craig and Tweek knew that Kenny was rich and sexy and a player and brought in the cash, but they had never really been exposed to his public reputation until now.

But Kyle was too preoccupied with Stan who was too preoccupied with corn dogs which Kenny was preoccupied by and Craig was preoccupied by Tweek who was preoccupied with nothing and the fact that he didn't have his fucking coffee today. Where was it. Where was his coffee.

"_Zrztrtdxzrtffzrt_," Tweek said. Craig took his hand away from Tweek's mouth now so that he could talk so that it wouldn't sound like _zezeztrztrtzrfzrt_. "Coffee."

"Okay, hold the fuck on," Craig moaned, and he walked over to Kenny who was impatiently waiting for motherfucking chocolate cake. "We need coffee too."

"Coffee?" Kenny repeated.

"Coffee," Craig said.

"Coffee?" Kenny repeated.

"Motherfucking coffee," Craig said.

"Cake? Cake. Chocolate cake," Kenny began, and he looked at the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand. "_Motherfucking chocolate cake_."

"Yes, Mr. Motherfucking McCormick, it's cooking," the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand said.

"Hurry the fuck up," Kenny snarled like a ferocious savage.

"Kenny," Craig said again. Kenny looked at him. "Coffee."

"Coffee?" Kenny repeated.

"Coffee," Craig said.

"Coffee?" Kenny repeated.

"Motherfucking coffee," Craig said.

"Cake? Cake. Chocolate cake," Kenny began, and he looked at the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand. "_Motherfucking chocolate cake_."

"Yes, Mr. Motherfucking McCormick, it's cooking," the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand said.

"Hurry the fuck up," Kenny snarled like a ferocious savage.

Craig facepalmed and then he got the most brilliant idea in the world. He was going to seduce Kenny into asking the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand into asking for coffee. And so began his seduction process. Craig leaned in close to Kenny, licking Kenny's bottom lip and then kissing him passionately with ferocious passion. Kenny took it, because he liked sucking face with other men and he had only ever fantasized about Craig. Then Craig pulled away when it was getting good and pulled Kenny's face close to his again by his gorgeous fucking blonde hair and seductively whispered "_order the motherfucking coffee" _into his ear.

Kenny turned to the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand who was making a face and started to talk. "And coffee."

"O-okay, coffee coming up," the person behind the counter of the corn dog stand said.

Craig smirked at Kenny and he shot him a sexy-ass wink.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

It was still eternal sunset, and the cake was done. The aforementioned chocolate cake was wheeled out on a cart and there was confetti and elephants and motherfucking cartwheels, and then Kenny told them to "get out the way" and they did.

The cake was glorious. It was chocolate, it was a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Kenny approached his cake and then he ate it.

And then the corn dogs were brought out in the hands of some greasy homeless man and they were thrown in the faces of Stan, Kyle, Craig, and Tweek and they fell on the California floor and became inedible. This was their first lunch in California, because they didn't have lunch yesterday.


	9. Firework

**CHAPTER NINE**

firework

_baby youre a firework, c'mon show em what youre worth, make em go uhh uhhh uhhhhh as you shoot across the sky uhhh uhhh_

firework by katy perry

**authors note: HELLO LOYAL FANS**

**since I have people aksing this is this the only thing I need for OCs to be in this magical adventure**

**NAME:**

**GENDER:**

**AGE:**

**SEXUAL ORIENTATION:**

**ROMANTIC INTEREST:**

**APPEARANCE:**

**PERSONALITY:**

**im also running out of room for OCs i can only take 2895230 more so you should hurry**

**now enjoy this long awaited chapter that you have longly awaited for I LOVE YOU LETS HAVE SEX**

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Kyle's stomach was making sounds like _zrtrzrtrtrt_. He hadn't eaten food in his mouth since 8:00AM, and now the time was almost 4:00PM. Kyle was starving, he was so hungry he could eat everything. But there was a problem, because he had given all of his money to Kenny this one time so he didn't have any money with him, and when Kenny like just now bought them all corn dogs they fell on the floor so that was their lunch. Kyle was hungry.

This caught the eye of Stan, so he grew some balls and turned to Kenny who was currently headbanging to Britney Spears on his iPod as the five faggots walked down the boardwalk. Kenny also lost the map so they were lost.

"Kenny, we need to feed Kyle," Stan snapped at him. Kenny didn't hear him because he had really large diamond headphones playing loud Britney Spears. Stan grabbed the diamond headphones off of Kenny's head and he threw them on the ground, where they shattered into thousands of tiny small shards somehow. Kenny gave Stan a Kanye West shrug and he mailed a punch to the address of Stan's face and didn't pay for shipping. Stan fell onto the wooden boardwalk floor, putting his hands on the spot where Kenny had punched him really fucking hard but Stan didn't shed any tears so Kyle wouldn't see him cry. But Kyle started to cry when he saw Kenny punch Stan anyway.

"Kenny, what the hell?" he cried, running to Stan's level and dramatically clinging to Stan's aching body. "Stan, are you okay?"

Stan nodded and moaned. He hated looking like he was weaker than Kenny in front of his sexy piece of fine ass boyfriend, so this made him really mad furious with rage. Stan squirmed away from Kyle and to Kenny's face the punch came back marked "return to sender". It wasn't very effective and Stan hurt his knuckles really bad when they collided with Kenny's miracle face so he flinched back. Stan must have forgotten that Kenny was an immortal angel from Heaven and Hell, and the punches they do nothing to his flawlessly constructed face. Kenny let out a pitiful laugh and wiped dust off of his face.

"Oh, Stanley, your attempts are all in vain. This is also not the best scene for a fistfight, darling," Kenny smirked, seductively snaking around Stan all seductively with seduction to piss him off because Stan hated when Kenny was all gay and flirted and seduced with him. But it secretly turned him on, but _sshhh don't tell._

"Kenny, I don't want to fight either. Can we please feed Kyle? He's going to pass out," Stan growled at him like a wolf because he was really defensive when it came to the health of his sexy effeminate Jewish whore boyfriend with the ass that transformed everyone within his vicinity into an instant faggot. Kyle moaned in pain and starvation in the corner and clutched his stomach. Stan quivered his lower lip.

"But we _just_ got food…" Kenny sighed, running a single hand through his platinum blonde hair that was seductively blowing with the ocean breezes.

"No, you just got cake for yourself," Stan hissed like a kitty.

"The fuck, I bought you guys corn dogs," Kenny countered, putting his hands on his hips to make his statement.

"Yeah, and they were thrown at us and fell on the sand," Stan rolled his eyes like _bitch pleeease_.

"Okay, fine, I'll buy Jewboy some food. Only because it's him," Kenny came to an agreement, pointing a finger all up in Stan's face. Stan sighed with partial happiness and smiled at Kyle who was smiling back at him but then he stopped smiling because Stan's face was turning purple. He walked up to Stan and stroked the part of his face that was bruising from Kenny's angel punch.

"Awh, his angel knuckles bruised your face pretty badly, Stan…" he cooed like a sad pigeon and pecked Stan's face bruise but not like with his nonexistent beak but with his lips like a gay little kiss. Stan smiled a little bit but he still felt inferior to Kenny. Because he was. Everyone was, deal with it.

"I'm okay, Kyle, I'm okay," Stan grumbles, and Kyle made a face like his feelings were bleeding again so Stan smooched him on the lips to make him feel better because they were so deeply in love. Kyle was metaphorically soaring above the world with the wings of a bird after Stan's four-second-but-still-stunnigly-amazing kiss. "Really. I am."

"Okay, Kyle, you want food or not?" Kenny stammered. This broke Kyle's love trance in space and he blinked up at Kenny who was all angry about Stan breaking his headphones and being a bitchy jackass about food and shit. Kenny raised his eyebrows at Kyle with anger.

"Yes, thank you," Kyle blurted out but he was also offended.

Craig and Tweek were standing and observing this conflict go down the whole time, they just weren't mentioned for the first twelve paragraphs. But they're here and Tweek is having mental breakdowns while Craig shuts that bitch up with mouth to mouth contact. This was how most of their interactions took place.

"_Zrztrztrtrtrtetrtrtrtfrztrr!_" Tweek screamed and flailed around. Craig pulled away from Tweek's supple coffee lips so that his talking wouldn't sound like _zrtztzrtztrftrt_. Tweek's coffee espresso latté cappuccino brown eyes that were bloodshot with purple bags shot wide open when Craig's face wasn't sucking against his own. Now he could talk and be understood by the world around him. "F-food? I… I didn't eat this morning… I'm hungry… Cr-Craig, I'm hungr_yyy_…"

"Okay, GHJSDKGLAHJSKF," Craig told his fag, addressing him by his new extremely creative nickname. His new, extremely creative nickname was GHJSDKGLAHJSKF and Tweek will never be called Tweek by Craig from now on but Tweek will be called GHJSDKGLAHJSKF by Craig and Tweek will not be called Tweek by Craig but it will be GHJSDKGLAHJSKF. Just pointing that out.

Then Craig and Tweek moved closer to Stan, Kyle, and Kenny who were discussing food and locations and then they turned to look at them.

"GHJSDKGLAHJSKF is hungry too, we need to get food right now," Craig begged Kenny. Kenny raised an eyebrow like _bitch pleeease_ and cocked his head at him.

"I'm only buying food for Kyle," Kenny told him harshly. Craig tried to remember what he did to Kenny to get Tweek coffee an hour ago, and then he remembered—seductive seduction. Craig switched into bitchfaggot mode and slithered against Kenny, moving his mouth by his ear.

"_Kenneth…" _he purred in his ear, circling Kenny's mouth with his finger like a circle. "It would make me _sooo_ happy…"

"Th-the answer is no. I'm only buying food for Kyle," Kenny told him again, which was Craig's cue to kick up the seductive seduction. Craig moved away from Kenny's ear and he lightly bit the side of his neck all fierce and he licked his way up to Kenny's lips and Kenny stood and let Craig pleasure himself with Kenny's angelic miracle face. Kenny was unaffected by Craig's seduction right now, and he took Craig's face and moved it away from his with his hands. "_No_."

Craig pouted. What would he do now? Tweek was starving because of a lack of food inside of him. His mental insane addict boyfriend was going to die of a lack of food material inside of him. Craig didn't want that to happen, he finally found true love and discovered his sexual orientation and met his other half who constantly hallucinates and requires coffee every passing minute and if he lost him in his life his life would be meaningless and heartbroken.

Then he saw somebody across the boardwalk and they were very obviously gay and they very clearly had money, or at least enough to buy Tweek food. So Craig flipped everyone off except for Tweek who spazzed like _zrtzrztrWHEREAREYOUGOING_ and then he ran to the guy who was pacing back and forth. Craig ran up to him. He was running. The guy looked at him with eyes that were like blue and gray colors together and then Craig flipped him off as a friendly way to say hello.

"I fucking need some fucking money to fucking feed my fucking boyfriend," Craig told the homosexual. The guy looked at him and then gave Craig a twenty American dollars money bill, and then he turned his head to the side. Craig was grateful but Craig didn't have time to be grateful for people giving him money.

"Thanks, asshole," Craig flipped him off and ran back to his four faggoty friends, and the guy stood there looking offended and he said something to Craig as he ran away.

"My name is Jami-" the guy started to say, but Craig flipped him off before he could finish saying his name and then the guy walked away with sadness and rejection.

Craig ran back after running and he ran to Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Tweek. They didn't wave to him, but Tweek tried to wave to him but he kinda _zrztzrztzt_ed with his hands and Craig tried to stop himself from smiling. Craig hated smiling. Smiling was for fags.

He was smiling.

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**authors note: BY THE WAY I HAVE A POLL UP but you can also answer it with reviews if youre too lazy to click upon the buttons**

**would you prefer short chapters such as this but daily updates or long chapters and weekly updates**

**no question mark im too cool for proper punctuation  
****ROCK ON PEACE OUT AMERICA FUCK YEAH**


	10. Love the Way You Lie

**CHAPTER TEN**

love the way you lie

_just gonna stand there and watch me burn, well thats alright because i like the way it hurts, just gonna stand there and hear me cry, well thats alright because i love the way you lie_

love the way you lie by eminem/rihanna

**authors note: so understandably i feel sad with myself for the chapters where the same thing happens so this will make up for it entierly forever **

**thank you for your eternal love my slaves it is necessary to release**

**P.S.: this is chapter 10**

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They were fucking done with the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun, because it had been five hours and Kenny had gotten them lost inside of the crazy madness maze that the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun was, and now all five of them were starving and enraged and tired and sexually frustrated. Except for Kenny, of course, but immortal angels don't get hungry or tired. Sexual frustration is another story, though.

But, five hours later, it was the time 11:00PM in the morning, and they had been kicked out of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun by the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun police, because they closed at the time 10:57PM so they were overstaying their welcome. One of the security guards was a total douchebag, his name was Ryan. Kenny was going to slaughter that motherfucker in his sleep with his angel GPS one night, but that was like far away from now because bigger issues were at hand.

They were outside of the gates of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun, and all of them dramatically collapsed onto the sandy shore except for Kenny who stood unfazed and with his hands on his hips. Kenny laughed pitifully at their mortal human emotions.

Stan was really, really mad about this whole thing. Not only was Kyle or himself ever fed food ever, there wasn't going to be any time to execute his _master plan_ with Kyle. If they got out of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun earlier, Stan's _master plan _would already be done by now. He was so angry. He rolled around in the sand but it got in his eyes and he moaned and sat up from the sand because that shit was sandy all over his blue sapphire denim skinny jeans eyeballs and scratched the delicate surfaces. He was so mad with everybody. Rage was everywhere.

Kyle was really, really sad about this whole thing. Not only was he starving to death so hard and it felt like the scary monster man with the tentacles that lives outside his window was eating his stomach again. He also was sad because Stan was really mad, and Stan was an intimidating emo faggot when he was enraged with rage so it made Kyle overwhelmed and sad. He also felt unloved by Stan. He always pulled away from his kisses. Okay, except for that _one_ time. But still, Kyle got absolutely zero attention from Stan and he never paid attention to Kyle. But Kyle was totally unaware of Stan's _master plan. _And Kenny was such an asshole. And Craig always flipped him off and Tweek always spilled coffee on him and burned his supple Jew body.

Kyle was so sad. He cried in the sand but it got in his eyes and he moaned and sat up from the sand because that shit was sandy all over his evergreen green jade grass pine trees in a blender forest olives green parrots peas green beans and other assorted green vegetable colored eyeballs and scratched the delicate surfaces. He was so sad with everybody, mainly Stan, and the world around him. Depression and sorrow and agony was everywhere.

Tweek was paranoid because of coffee and shit, but nobody cares about Tweek because he is probably the least sexually appealing of the five of them so let's just move on, okay.

Craig had emotions, too, but they're too deep to explain and plus it's not the time to go over his emotions either because while he may be attractive and have black hair but inferior to Stan's fucking gorgeously stunning raven hair he is still probably the next to least sexually appealing of the five of them so let's just move on, okay. Okay? Okay.

Okay.

Now Kenny was all like "ugh, I hate doing physical labor" so he removed the iBerryDroid 6G from his jacket pocket with the power of telekinesis from his brains. The iBerryDroid 6G levitated in the air like _zrzrztrzrzttetzr_ and it floated right into the palms of his supple miracle angel hands. Kenny laughed because he knew he was too awesome for planet Earth but this wasn't news to him, so he just looked at his iBerryDroid 6G.

"Call Orange Lamborghini," Kenny told his iBerryDroid 6G with the power of voice recognition, and the iBerryDroid 6G vibrated sensually in his angelic miracle hands.

"…_calling… orange… lamborghini_…" it declared before Kenneth like _zerzrtrtrtzrt_ and then, somewhere far off away inside the doors of Club Titties, a phone rang in the pocket of Kenny's annoying as shit asshole excuse for a car that was his orange Lamborghini. But it was the one in California and he was a jerk. The one back at home in Colorado had a nice personality actually. But not this one. This Lamborghini was all slutty and a total douchebag to everybody but women.

Anyway, the orange Lamborghini's phone was ringing like _zrztzrztzrt_ far off inside of Club Titties, and the bitches on either side of his arms which were actually tires —the arms I mean, not the bitches— looked up at him —the bitches are not tires, to clarify— and the orange Lamborghini was like _ohshit_ and he released the grasp on the waists of all nearby women and reached into his pocket with his tires. He pulled out his vibrating noisy obnoxious cellular device that was like _zrzttettzr_ and he saw on the caller ID that it was Kenny.

"Ah, shit, I hate that guy," the orange Lamborghini car muttered to himself but it wasn't meant to be spoken by him but he just spoke it to the whole club of Club Titties so he broke that personal rule already. Bitches looked at him and when their heads turned on their neck sockets it made sounds like _zrzrztzttr_ because Californian women are all kitchen robots.

Kenny's orange Lamborghini sighed, and then he flipped open his cell phone with his right tires. Now back at the gates of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun, where our five faggoty heroes were standing around and dying to death, Kenny was greeted on his cell phone by his orange Lamborghini on the other line of the cell phone, because this is how the 21st century works.

"What?" the orange Lamborghini droned monotonoeously on the other line of the cell phone conversation because Kenny was the last person he wanted to talk to right at this moment, and he really wanted to get back to molesting various Californian women kitchen robots in Club Titties. Oh, and the orange Lamborghini was also really really drunk to make the plotline better and more interesting.

Because when people are drunk, crazy entertaining shit goes down.

"Fucking car, get your million dollar ass to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun gates, we're slowly dying to death," Kenny snapped at his car and told him off like a boss. Kenny was his master and the car needed to obey his loyal incredible master.

"Wh-wh-whw_hztrrtzrtzrztzrt_…." The car made inaudible quietly strange noises into the phone, and Kenny stared at the phone like what the fuck was that noise in my ear.

"I WILL PERSONALLY COME OVER THERE AND KILL MYSELF, DESCEND FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL AND FUCKING SLAUGHTER YOU IF YOU DO NOT DRIVE YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE AND PICK US UP FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING BEACH MOTHERFUCKING PIER MOTHERFUCKING BOARDWALK MOTHERFUCKING AMUSEMENT PARK MOTHERFUCKING PARADISE OF MOTHERFUCKING FUN AND GET US BACK THE FUCK HOME TO SEX ON THE BEACHES HOTEL," Kenny told that bitch, and Craig, Tweek, Stan, and Kyle all stared at him like _ohshit he's really mad_ and they all stood up from rolling in the sand some more to piss themselves off.

Kyle looked at Kenny and then looked at Stan who was looking at Kenny but then he looked back at Kyle who looked at Tweek before Stan looked at Kyle because Kyle thought he was only going to look at Kenny but he was actually looking at him and Kyle felt his eyes gazing upon his delicate skin and he looked back at Stan. Nobody looked at Craig.

So… Kyle and Stan were looking at each other both with concerned looks probably about Kenny's super miracle angel rage and then they suddenly didn't give a shit about that and started eyefucking each other because they found each other incredibly incredibly incredibly incredibly incredibly _orgasmic._

Oh, and just to make yet another clarification, the reason that they can't just walk back to the Sex on the Beaches Hotel like they did to get to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun while relying on Kyle's incredible locomotionary knowledge of timing and directions is because Kyle is hungry and starving to death, and Kyle's Mapquest function only works when he is properly fed sufficiently. Right now, Kyle was starving to death, so his Mapquest feature was temporarily disabled. So they had to rely on Kenny's orange Lamborghini because they were going to get lost if they suddenly wandered off into the Californian abyss. Just a clarification.

On the other line, the orange Lamborghini that was Kenny's car begins to laugh hysterically into the speaker because he is drunk and Kenny makes a disapproving noise like _zrtzrtzrt_. Kenny clenches his fingers into a fist like he would be punching someone or something, but his just makes a fist because he can't punch the person he wants to punch. He could punch Stan again but then Kyle would fag out again too.

Kenny also had a secretive secret. It's a secret, though, a secret that people like you cannot ever secretly know. Secretly, his secret was that he was secretly in love with Kyle secretly, so he was secretly jealous when Kyle was with Stan now which was all the time because now they were officially going out and being totally public about it. And, like, oh my god, how rude and torturous that must be for Kenny. So Kenny also decided he would confess his passionate, deep feelings for Kyle that just formed right now and he would tell Kyle everything.

But that wasn't for like ten more chapters, so hold the fucking phone while we expand on additional things that you may or may not be interested in.


	11. Love Story

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

love story

_its a love story baby just say yes_

love story by taylor swift

**authors note: thanks for the reviews we need to all have a massive orgy okay okay lets get that planned soon but for now lets read this incredible piece of literature**

**btw no review no massive orgy invitation deal with it**

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Not much time really passed since that button click you made, so they're still actually at the gates of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Paradise Amusement Park of Fun because they had to rely solely on the aid of Kenny's orange Lamborghini who was currently at a hot and sexy night club called Club Titties and totally drunk out of his mind so he would have to drive drunk to get our five homosexual except for Kenny who is bisexual heroes back to the Sex on the Beaches Hotel.

That was one sentence. Carrying on, Kenny was still on the phone with the asshole orange Lamborghini and his miracle angel rage was at new heights of FFUUUUUUU. Stan was thinking about totally giving up on his _master plan_ for Kyle, so right now he was holding starving and dying to death Kyle against him which also added to Kenny's FFFFFUUUUUUU- but that was a secretive secret so _sssshhh. _Craig was flipping off cars as they drove through the sand if that makes sense in any way and Tweek was in the fetal position on the sand rocking back and forth because he was going through withdrawal.

"S-so, you…" the orange Lamborghini started to laugh again on the other line. "…wannn me to goh ovher thahre?"

"For the SIXTY-SEVENTH _MOTHERFUCKING_ TIME, _YES. COME OVER HERE AND TAKE US BACK," _Kenny screamed. "…and pick up Subway on the way here."

"S-subway? The plahce withtha sanwishes?" the orange Lamborghini started to laugh even harder and his words were all slurred. He was such an asshole. And finally, Kenny's rage suddenly reached new heights and he couldn't contain himself any longer. Kenny took his iBerryDroid 3G and he threw it on the ground. It landed in the sand, where the sand pieces got into the cracks of the sliding keyboard and scratched the shit out of the touch screen and shoved itself into the volume buttons and holes of the speakers. Then Kenny took his foot covered with a black Converse shoe because everyone fucking wears Converse and this is common knowledge, and in slow-motion Kenny's precious iBerrydroid 3G watched as Kenny's Converse-donning foot slowly descended onto the million dollar screen that was the iBerrydroid 3G and created cracks and cracks and cracks until they split open and exposed the delicate wiring and technology that laid inside of his fucking expensive phone.

"FUUUUUUUUU_UUUUUUCK_!" Kenny shrieked, continuing to stomp the shit out of his iBerrydroid 3G. And this was, like, the third one he broke out of the hundreds and hundreds that Kenny owns. But yeah he continued to mercilessly stomp his Converse feet on the iBerrydroid 3G without any mercy whatsoever. Miracle immortal angel beings have no time for foolish things like… mercy.

Stan, Kyle, Tweek, and Craig all sat in the sand under the starry Californian night sky and watched Kenny beat the shit out of his expensive phone. Stan squeezed Kyle one last time and then released his love grab, clearing his throat and rising from the sand while flipping a strand of his raven-black hair away from his skinny denim blue sapphire cerulean jeans eyes. He held out his hands to calm Kenny down.

"Kenny, Kenny, r-relax…" Stan consoled, placing a comforting hand of comfort onto Kenny's enraged shoulder. "…I… dude, I hope you realize that we're stuck here overnight, right? Or at least until Kyle is fed…"

Kenny clenched his teeth. While Kenny totally had the hots for Stan too, he had more said hots for Kyle so he was all mad and envious of Stan because he had the sexy diabetic kosher effeminate whore Jew all to himself and he wasn't going to share. So Kenny was mad. And then he realized, _oh fuck, Stan's right, we're stuck on the beach all night until we feed Kyle and can use his locomotionary knowledge of timing and directions, _so he relaxed his once tensed and angry muscles and put a hand on Stan's hand that was on his shoulder.

And Kenny also suddenly had an epiphany. If he was super seductive to Stan _too_, then he could get in bed with both Kyle and Stan and wouldn't have to piss either Stan or Kyle off by flirting with one or the other. It was pure brilliance. It initiated starting now, but it will be subtle and you won't notice it for a few chapters.

So then Stan was kind of surprised at Kenny's returned affection, so then he smiled kindfully at Kenny who returned it because he wanted to slowly seduce Stan with his seductive seduction so that Kenny's _master plan _could take place, because now Stan wasn't the only one with a _master plan _but now Kenny had a _master plan _too. There was a lot of _master planning_ secretly going on here. So anyway, Kenny swore he saw Stan's face turn pink because he was blushing but Kenny doubted himself but Stan really was blushing but he tried to hide it. They were both secretly secretively in secretive love.

But Stan shook off this love trance and was serious with Kenny again.

"U-uhm. Yeah. We're stuck here until we get food for Kyle," Stan repeated to Kenny once again.

"Well, that probably won't happen. We're stranded on the shore of the Californian beach for the whole night until my _fucking car_ is sober again and can get his ass over here," Kenny hissed, looking away into the pitch black darkness of the Californian night. Stan cleared his throat.

"B-but you shattered your phone, we have no way of contacting anyone," Stan clarified. Kenny rolled his eyes.

"I got more, bro," Kenny scoffed, pulling out two iBerrydroid 6Gs from out of his pockets in either hand. Stan seemed to have forgotten that this was _Kenny motherfucking McKormick_. Stan slowly nodded, and was like _oh I forgot that Kenny was rich and famous, duh_.

"Oh, well that's good then," Stan nodded, smiling at Kenny under the California moonlight from the light of the moon. Kenny smirked with one side of his smile, and he slithered a hand up to Stan's face like a snake. Kenny leaned in, brushing his lips against Stan's delicate emo kid cheek. Stan froze because he was infatuated by Kenny's affectionate affection and totally forgot about his sexy effeminate Jewish boyfriend who was dying to death in the sand.

So Stan turned his face to face Kenny's face and he smashed their lips together in a fury of homoerotic passion because this was California and Stan knew how to live it up. And even though he was breaking the promise that he made _Kyle_ promise not to break this was different and Kyle also was dying to death so he couldn't see them right now because they were in the darkness of the sandy California night. Kenny moaned dramatically and he grabbed Stan's perfectly flawless but not as perfectly flawless as his own face and they started to make out because this was what they do. Their tongues were tangling like _zrztrtrt _and their lips were smacking like _zrtrztrtrertez _and their fingers were running through each others' hair like _zrztrtrttr_ and Kyle was dying to death in the sand like _zetzrtrztt_ and unaware that his boyfriend was scoring a few feet away from him.

Stan fell back on his back and let Kenny pin him to the cold California sand, and Kenny slid his cold angel hands under Stan's clothing and up across Stan's chest which made Stan shiver with lust. Then Stan started to uncontrollably purr like a kitten as Kenny slowly stripped him and he slowly stripped Kenny. Kenny slid off Stan's black V-neck and caressed his bare teenage emo kid chest. Stan unbuttoned Kenny's white collared button-down shirt exposing his flawless angel miracle six-pack abdominals and while Stan was like _zrztrtr_ with Kenny's tongue down his throat he was crying tears of astonishment at the pure glimpse of Kenny's amazingly amazing angel abs.

And then when Kenny flipped Stan onto his stomach, Stan knew what was going to happen between them. Stan gasped for air because he didn't have oxygen in his mouth when Kenny slid Stan's tight-ass skinny jeans down his legs. And Stan was going to die because he was no longer able to inhale as Kenny seductively slid the boxers off of Stan's legs and they pooled around his feet because it's described like so in every fanfiction ever. Then it all came flashing before the skinny denim ceruleans jeans blue eyes of Stanley Marsh.

He was going to lose his virginity to Kenny motherfucking McCormick, the immortal miracle angel who was also fucking amazing with sex so it was like an honor for Stan to be receiving this.

Kenny grabbed Stan's emo kid ass with fierceness and he leaned his face close against the ear of Stan and purred into it like a ferocious kitten about to eat lunch except Kenny wasn't a ferocious kitten and he wasn't about to eat lunch, but he was a gorgeous angelic homosexual who was about to penetrate the ass of a sexy emo kid. Stan shivered and moans escaped his lips everywhere.

But before Stan could say "oh shit, I'm taken", Kenny thrusted into him and Stan fucking howled as he was rammed against the sandy California shore.

And on that beautiful, starry, Californian night on the beach, two screams were heard: one of pleasure and lust and getting fucked up the ass that was made by Stan, and another of pain and agony and lack of food coming from a dying Kyle who was unaware that a few yards away, in the darkness, his beloved loyal boyfriend was losing his virginity to another man. So Kyle clutched his gurgling, empty stomach that was missing food contents and howled against the sand unknowingly in sync with his darling Stan.

Bitch, welcome to California.


	12. Club Can't Handle Me

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

club cant handle me

_you know how i know how the club cant even handle me right now watchin you watchin me i go all out_

club cant handle me by david guetta

**authors note NO I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT THIS OKAY I WOULD NEVER**

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**DAY THREE IN CALIFORNIA**

When Stan woke up that morning, he was naked in the sand on a public beach and was in the arms of Kenny, who was also naked. At first he didn't care because he just woke up so he was all tired and more concerned with how nice Kenny's bare angel miracle chest felt against his face. He moaned because he was happy with pleasure and snuggled into Kenny like as if he didn't have a boyfriend who was probably dead now and slept alone and starving in the cold Californian sand overnight. But, dude, Kenny felt so warm and sunny like California…

But then Stan really woke up, and he shot up into a sitting sit and it made Kenny's head fall back against the sand and that woke Kenny up too and he groaned like _zrtzretzert_.

"FUCK, KENNY, WHAT THE FUCK IS-" Stan had a fucking meltdown, pulling his emo boxers over his nakedness and tearing his eyes away from the beautiful naked angel beside him in the California sand. "Where the hell are Kyle, Craig, and Tweek?"

Kenny yawned, stretching like he was in a bed but then he realized that he was in the sand and had a similar reaction to Stan but he was slightly more chill about it because that's who Kenny is, he's like Stan but better and sexier and an angel and he was also more chill than Stan was. So he had a chill meltdown, levitating his boxers to cover himself and smiled at Stan with one side of his smile and moaned.

"Mmm, Marsh, you were great," Kenny clicks his tongue, and this made Stan so fucking mad because he didn't want to be reminded of what happened last night at this moment and he really needed to find Kyle and get food into his mouth if he wasn't already dead. So Stan clenches his fists and uselessly punches Kenny's miracle face and his hand bounces off of his face and he hurts his knuckles again.

"You fucking _asshole!" _Stan yelped like a dog getting stepped on, rubbing his bruised knuckles and then rubbing the sides of his head because he was so frustrated with Kenny right now. "Look, I don't know what came over me last night but I have a beautiful boyfriend and he's starving and alone right now and we need to find him."

Kenny rolled his eyes, and then he reached into his beach bag that was conveniently lying right there in the sand, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, inhaled, and then blew smoke into the ocean breeze, because fuck the beaches and dolphins and shit, right now Kenny needed to smoke. So he tapped the cigarette before he responded to Stan and ashes fell against his bare angel miracle torso. He brushed them off nonchalantly and all casual and his actions screamed "I don't give a fuck".

"Well, you certainly forgot about your 'beautiful boyfriend' last night, you dirty whore. Hnng, Stan—don't punch me—" Stan put down his fists that were squeezed together and going to punch Kenny's douchebag miracle angel face again and then hurt Stan's mortal human knuckles again. "—fine, we'll go look for those fags."

"Damn straight, we will," Stan groaned, and he stood up from the sand and put on his sexy ass tight black v-neck over his head and his sexy ass tight skinny jeans and Kenny drooled miracle angel drool from his mouth and it sparkled in the California sun. Then Stan started walking away towards the gates of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Paradise Amusement Park of Fun and didn't even acknowledge Kenny because he was so mad oh my god. Kenny blinked and then realized that his secret-emo-butt-buddy was walking away and he was like ohshit so he got up from the sand and buttoned his white collared v-neck and into his jeans and then he ran after Stan who was all bitchy now.

Stan kept walking like _zrrzrtrztrteter _and Kenny ran up behind him like _zretertrterterrz_ and then he finally caught up with Stan because he was walking and Kenny was running so this would make sense. Stan didn't look at Kenny or talk to him, he just kept walking and grumbling and bitching to himself about all of his problems and his sore ass and the hickeys all over his pale skin that reminded him that he lost his virginity behind Kyle's back.

"Fuck my life," Stan mumbled, rubbing a hand over his tight and aching ass behind denim that was the same color of his eyes.

Kenny just followed Stan as he walked across the California sand and kinda felt bad for him but then thought about how sexy he was and what a little bitch he was last night and then he forgot about things like pity that mortal humans feel. Stan and Kenny walked in silence minus Stan's personal bitching as they slowly approached the gates of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Paradise Amusement Park of Fun where Kyle, Craig, and Tweek should be.

But then Stan suddenly remembered that he was with Kenny motherfucking McCormick, the richest, sexiest, money making player in the universe of Earth and all its inhabitants. So he stopped walking and so did Kenny.

"Wait, can't you just call your car and then track Kyle, Craig, and Tweek through the Personal Built-In People Identification Location Tracker?" Stan asked Kenny.

"What about the Personal Built-In People Identification Location Tracker?" Kenny asked him with a raised eyebrow.

"Can you track Kyle, Craig, and Tweek through the Personal Built-In People Identification Location Tracker?" Stan repeated because Kenny was too awesome to hear him the first time so he had to turn his awesomeness down a notch.

"The Personal Built-In People Identification Location Tracker is in my orange Lamborghini, and we are no longer on speaking terms right now," Kenny admitted, looking away into the ocean under the California daylight and it was sparkling under it.

"What about," Stan paused, hesitating to mention Kenny's secret long lost car that no one ever spoke about until right now. "Your pink Lamborghini?"

Kenny blinked and he swallowed too. "I…"

"It's okay, Kenny. You don't need to hide anymore," Stan whispered.

"Stan…" Kenny sighed.

"Kenny, you have to pick one of your Lamborghinis, or we'll be alone on this California beach for all eternity," Stan grumbled.

"Is that a bad thing?" Kenny said, and was slapped across the face but only Stan felt the physical pain.

Then Kenny took a moment for thinking because serious thoughtful thinking takes time. "Wait, can I just—"

Kenny pulled out one of his millions of iBerryDroid 6Gs and he flipped it open, held down a button, shook it, and slid the touch screen to unlock. He went through his quintillions of contacts in his address book because he was soooo_oooooo_ popular and he found the contact labeled "Car People" and he pressed the button with the phone on it. He put the phone to his face.

"Hi, Mr. McCormick," the person on the other line said to him.

"Get me a car and bring it here," Kenny demanded really strictly because Kenny didn't want to fuck around right now.

"Right away, sir. The usual?" the person on the other line said to him again.

"Yeah, but…" Kenny looked at Stan and moved his mouth away from his iBerryDroid 6G. "What's your favorite color?"

"…Wh-what? Why?" Stan blinked.

"What is it?" Kenny repeated.

"Uh, uhm, it's, uh, black," Stan blurted, raising an eyebrow because he was confused in multiple ways.

Kenny moved his mouth back to the phone. "But make the car black, this time."

"Yes, sir. Right away, sir. We'll be there immediately. Sorry to take up your time," the person blurted because they were so embarrassed to take up seconds of Mr. Motherfucking McCormick's time. Because Triple M didn't take kindly to people who made him waste seconds of his life.

"Thanks," Kenny ends the conversation by closing flipping touching clicking his phone. He looked over at Stan and Stan was actually smiling at him because Kenny was nice and generous to him and Stan ate that shit up. Kenny winked at Stan and Stan smiled wider and he was so adorable and sexy.

"Hey, Stan…" Kenny started to say, and he put his hand cautiously cautious under Stan's chin. "Last night…"

Stan swallowed, because humans swallow, which has been pointed out on several occasions.

"Did you like it?" Kenny asks, looking at Stan with innocent and curious piercing cyanide chemical blue eyes. Kenny's face moved closer to Stan's face, and so did Stan's.

"I…" Stan started to say, but then a really loud sound came the fuck out of nowhere like and they both moved away from each other really fast because it broke their trance of forbidden love and they were both really startled by the loud noise. And then the source of the loud noise plowed through the sand, a beautiful sleek black Lamborghini sped through the sand and got sand in everybody's eyes but Stan and Kenny's eyes and the sand shot up around it like a fountain and it was magical. Stan smiled. He was smiling. Smiling is gay. Who smiles. God, what a fag.

The black sleek beautiful flawless Lamborghini car pulled up to them and they were standing there like ohmygod but actually only Stan was doing that. Kenny grabbed Stan's waist and Stan let him because he was falling in love with Kenny, and Kenny's subtle seductive seduction was seducing him and he was _unaware_.

Kenny opened the back door of the amazing black Lamborghini with his mind and gestured his hands to the door for Stan to get out of his dreams and into his car.

"M'lady," Kenny offered Stan to get inside, referring to Stan in a feminine way to remind you that Stan was the bitch in this love affair just in case you had forgotten or something. Stan blushed because he couldn't help it and even though he topped Kyle and was proud of it he secretly loved being the submissive bitch in gay relationships. Stan got inside the amazing car and he stopped himself from crying from the beauty that was inside and he sat in this really big circular booth that was inside of the Lamborghini and Kenny slid in really close to him.

Then Kenny told his car, "Car, launch Personal Built-In People Identification Location Tracker, and begin tracking and autopilot to Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak, and Kyle Broflovski."

"…_Launching_…" the car obeyed.

Kenny looked over at Stan and Stan looked over at Kenny with the same look. And then, without words to be said because when you have a gay discovery moment there are no words, they both smashed each other's lips together in a fury of homoerotic passion and Stan threw himself against the booth and let Kenny lie on top of him and suck his face as long as he pleased. And, while Kenny's tongue was jammed in the back of Stan's throat, he clicked back into cold reality and it was so harsh and abrupt and it crushed his little emotions and he felt like a monster and other synonyms of evil.

'_What am I doing to Kyle_,' Stan thought to himself, running a hand through Kenny's silky gorgeous blonde hair. '_What am I doing…'_


	13. Grenade

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

grenade

_ill catch a grenade for ya throw my hand on a blade for ya jump in front of a train for ya you know ill do anything for ya_

grenade by bruno mars

**authors note**: **do you love me anymore ;( ;( ;( semicolon frowny face**

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"_Targets located… Kyle Broflovski, Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak, location… Denny's… now autopiloting…" _the car buzzed and talked to them like _zztrztrtrtttr_.

Kenny took his tongue out of the back of Stan's throat and lifted his head up from Stan's but still laid on top of him. "Denny's? Why the fuck are they at Denny's?"

Stan blinked back into reality because Kenny made him all hypnotized with love and lust from their makeout session. He never felt this way with Kyle, their kisses were still magical but Stan never got to be the bitch and always had to make the moves and there were never any surprises for him. Kenny was thrilling and immortal and full of sexy surprises. Oh no, what was he saying. He loves Kyle. He loves Kyle so much. Stan pushed Kenny off of him gently and crossed his arms and sat up and sunk into the leather seats.

"Awh, babe…" Kenny purred at Stan like a kitten and Stan looked over at him. "It's Kyle, isn't it?"

Stan looked down at his feet that were covered with black Converse because everyone wears Converse all the time and everywhere deal with it. He sighed, hugging himself tighter. "I feel so awful, Kenny. I'm cheating on Kyle. I had _sex_ with you, for fuck's sake. I lost my virginity to you. That was supposed to be… Kyle and I…"

"Hey, hey… Stan…" Kenny cooed like a pigeon and hugged Stan against him. "It's okay… we aren't together, I know that you have Kyle… I don't want to ruin that. Think of what we have as like… letting out sexual tension. Not love. We're just fucking around."

Stan started to cry a mixture of sadness and happiness because he was so deeply touched by Kenny's sweetness. Kenny understood him so well. He was understood by Kenny.

"Okay?" Kenny whispered, making Stan shiver because it was so fucking sexy.

"Okay…" Stan whispered back, smiling at Kenny. "Kyle doesn't ever have to know… about this… doesn't mean anything…"

Stan's skinny jeans blue cerulean denim eyes gazed deep into Kenny's piercing electric cyanide chemical blue eyes and Stan metaphorically melted into a puddle of Stan fluid. "Not love…"

"That's right…" Kenny told Stan all sweetly and innocent, moving his face closer to Stan's face and lightly pressing their soft faggot lips together. Stan returned the delicate gentle kiss, moaning into it because he was such a whore for Kenny and then they started to use tongue again and once again Stan was pinned to the black Lamborghini leather circular booth again.

They made out for like ten minutes and then the car made a noise like _zrtrterterrrrrterztert_ before speaking to them again.

"_Now arrived… Denny's… specified individuals inside…" _the car told them.

Kenny pulled his tongue out of Stan's mouth again, aroused noises leaving Stan's aroused throat and Stan leaned up to kiss Kenny again really quick and they both giggled into the kiss because they were so gay. But they weren't in love, at least they told themselves that, because they were secretly secretly in a secretive love and that was their secret that they didn't realize yet. They both pulled away and Kenny helped Stan sit up from the black leather booth and the doors to the black Lamborghini opened by themselves all like _zrtererterztertertert_ and they both got out and they were standing in front of a Denny's.

They both looked at each other and shrugged and then they walked closer to the Denny's because Craig, Tweek, and most importantly Kyle were all inside the Denny's for some mysterious reason that was a mysterious mystery to them. Now their adventure was a thrilling mystery.

Stan and Kenny walked up to the doors of the Denny's and Kenny opened the doors of the establishment of Denny for Stan and Stan blushed because he couldn't help enjoying being treated like a delicate woman. Kenny was so thoughtful. No. No, he wasn't, he loves Kyle. Not Kenny.

Stan was arguing with himself in his brain and then they walked up to the little desk where there was a woman wearing a hat that said "Denny's" and a shirt that said "Denny's" and her face was happy. Kenny looked up at the woman and the woman made a kawaii face like a cat and it was so fucking kawaii.

"Nyaa~ ohaiyo! wercome to Denny's, desu! My name is Ichigokurufukusansama-chan, desu! Can I herp you, desu neeeee?" the woman squealed and put her hands up like the paws of a cat. It was so kawaii but it pissed Kenny off because Kenny hates kawaii Japanese bullshit because god what the fuck is this.

"Actually, we're looking for three faggots, one is about this short and Jewish and effeminate with large gorgeous ginger curls, another is like this tall and he probably flipped you off and he has black hair, the other is like this height right here and he has messy fucked up blonde hair and he has seizures and probably was demanding coffee," Kenny explained, moving his hands to visually demonstrate the heights of the other fags.

"Ohhh, nya~! Yes, they are right over there, desu," she beamed like sunshine and optimism also angels and she pointed to a booth where they could see the backs of their long lost friend's sexy heads. Stan and Kenny looked over and smiled warmly because they were happy and they looked back at the kawaii woman at Denny's.

"Thanks," Kenny nodded, turning back to Stan and smirking. "Last time."

"What?" Stan asked, raising an eyebrow and more concerned with the ginger auburn Jew curls that were bouncing and had their back turned to him from across the room.

Then Kenny smirked with one side of his lips again and he gave Stan a two-second kiss that still fucking blew him away and beyond. Stan blushed and covered his face and then turned to the direction of where his teenage fag buddies were seated at Denny's.

"…Oh," Stan told Kenny, responding to the incredible beautiful astounding kiss after it had been planted on his face and after he recovered from the shock.

"Ahh, I'm gonna miss your lips, baby… mmm, well, let's go see what them faggots have been doing without us," Kenny winked at Stan and Stan blushed and nodded at Kenny's sweet and kind words.

"Yeah…" Stan agreed, starting to walk forward and down the aisle where all of the booths inside of Denny's were lined up and towards the booth were Kyle and Craig and Tweek were. Stan also noticed that Kyle was sitting next to Craig even though he was Tweek's boyfriend and it kinda made him mad but then Stan remembered that he had sex with Kenny last night and made out with him a few minutes ago so he stopped being jealous.

They walked up to the Denny's booth and then the very first thing that Stan noticed was that Kyle's face was red and he was crying tears from his foresty green eyes and whimpering and sobbing while shoving pancakes and ice cream into his Jewish whore mouth. Stan got really sad for Kyle because he knew that Kyle was crying about him and he was so sad and guilty. But Kyle was alive and not starving to death, so Stan was really happy about that because if Kyle was dead that would be bad.

"Kyle…" Stan cooed, and Kyle stopped mid-wheeze and he tilted his head up and his foresty emerald pine trees in a blender mossy earthy peaceful jade green eyes got really, really wide and Kyle's jaw hit the floor metaphorically. Kyle shot up from the seat at the Denny's booth and he leaped into Stan's arms, crying into Stan's shoulders. Stan caught Kyle and hugged his waist tight, and he was crying against Kyle too now. It was a beautiful, tear-jerking reunion that pulled at everyone's heartstrings. Maybe being the dominant penis in the relationship wasn't so bad either.

"I… I th-thought you were dead… you're alive… you're alive, my man is alive…" Kyle whimpered through his tears and Stan clung to Kyle tighter and swayed from side to side. Kyle smelled really sweet and awesome and it reminded him that he was passionately in love with this boy.

"I thought you were dead too…" Stan cried, pressing his lips against Kyle's neck and kissing him sweetly. Kyle tilted his head so that Stan's lips that were positioned against Kyle's neck were now connected with Kyle's lips, and they both moaned passionately and they had this super faggoty reunion in front of everyone in Denny's and this one woman looked at her husband and kids and was like "what the shit is this" and they all gave each other Kanye West shrugs.

Kenny sat down next to Tweek and across from Craig and they all watched Stan and Kyle's sausage fest and Kenny turned his attention to the Denny's menu because he was hungry for breakfast at Denny's and was trying to decide what to order for breakfast. Meanwhile, Stan was spinning Kyle around in circles around the room in his arms and was holding him bridal style while kissing. It was so sexy and additional synonyms of adorable.

Then after like twenty minutes, Stan put Kyle down on the Denny's carpet and Kyle squeezed Stan's arm and Stan wrapped an arm around Kyle's waist and then they walked back to the booth finally. Stan and Kyle sat next to Craig and then Stan sighed with relief and happiness because now everything was clear for him.

"Damn, fucking lovebirds…" Craig droned, sipping his water. Craig just wanted lukewarm tap water for breakfast, so that he received.

Kyle giggled and he nuzzled against Stan's shoulder and Stan nudged his face sweetly because their interactions were so cute like watching little squirrels cuddle together.

"Well, now that that's done, I got a question for you guys," Kenny announced, closing his Denny's menu and looking at everybody individually except Stan.

"Hmm?" Craig asked, sipping his lukewarm glass of tap water all nonchalantly because he didn't care.

"How the hell did you get to Denny's? And where did you sleep?" Kenny asked, raising one of his eyebrows because he was confused and wanted answers to these questions.

Craig started to laugh and Kyle buried his face into Stan's chest like as if he was embarrassed. Stan was curious so he looked at Craig like "what did you fags do" and Craig stopped laughing and waved his hands to calm himself down.

"Well, we slept by the gates of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Paradise Park of fun, then we woke up at 7:00AM and Kyle was almost dead from starvation and Tweekerstweek was hungry too so we decided to go to Denny's for breakfast," Craig explained, and stopped Kenny before he could ask him how they got to Denny's. "We took a cab here, but we were broke, so…"

Craig trailed off and Kenny got angry about this. "So?"

"So the cab driver guy accepted sexual favors as currency, courtesy of Kyle here," Craig chuckled, and Kyle went red. Stan glared down at his boyfriend and then Kyle shook his head really fast. Kenny burst into hysterical laughter.

"W-we didn't have sex. I just had to… suck his dick kinda sort of. I'm still a virgin. But I'm still so sorry, but I had to… I was going to die…" Kyle stammered to get Stan to stop glaring at him and then Stan felt really guilty because Stan actually did have sex last night and Kyle didn't. But he was still mad.

"You've never sucked my dick 'kinda sort of'…" Stan quietly groaned, playing with the fork on the Denny's table. Kyle narrowed his eyelids seductively and slid his hand under the table and squeezed Stan's crotch that was covered by his ass-clenching skinny denim jeans. Stan gasped and slammed his back against the booth and he dropped his fork too oh no. Kyle just made Stan's arousal level skyrocket and they were sitting in Denny's. Kyle leaned his face near Stan's ear.

"I'm ready for you any time…" Kyle whispered, and purred like a horny kitten after his seductive whisper too and it made Stan shiver because it was so seductive. Stan swallowed and he was blushing and sweating really intensely. He nodded really slowly and he was feeling lightheaded from such intense arousal.

"O-oh-ohh… oh… kay… okay…" Stan grinned really fucking wide because he was so seduced by Kyle's seductive seduction right now. In the middle of ordering food at Denny's. Kyle giggled and moved his hand away from Stan's pants, and Stan exhaled because he could breathe again and he leaned back. He wiped the sweat off of his face and then he looked over at Kyle who silently mouthed "any time" and he started sweating again.

"Well, I guess we should order food…" Kenny suggested, and he suggested correctly, because now they should order food. But they were going to order food after these commercials.


	14. Cannibal

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

cannibal

_i eat boys up, breakfast and lunch, then when im thirsty i drink their blood, carnivore animal i am a cannibal i'll eat you up you'd better run_

cannibal by ke$ha

**authors note**: **another update fuck yeah thank you christmas**

**btw luke i am your father**

**and y u no review srsly u gaiz what is this**

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Welcome back. So, skipping a few minutes, our five teenage faggots had all ordered food already at Denny's and were now waiting for it to finish cooking in the Denny's kitchen which inside of Denny's. The five of them all sat and did their own thing and they kinda talked but they were all in their own separate worlds right now.

Kyle was in his own little Stan-obsessed fantasy, snuggled against him and watching his dark raven black hair slide over his eye and then watching him flip it away to reveal two perfect eyes that were so blue like swimming in an ocean that shimmered in the lighting of Denny's and made Kyle twice as hot for him. And then when Stan looked over at Kyle and smiled his easy smile and made Kyle lightheaded. Kyle needed to get in Stan's pants right now.

Stan was in his own little Kyle-obsessed fantasy, Kyle was clinging to his arm and staring at him, his red auburn ginger curls bouncing lightly as he giggled. His eyes were metaphorical forests and when Stan gazed upon the two beautiful orbs he ran deep into the forests of evergreen and jade and he got lost inside of Kyle's forest eyes. Metaphorically. God, that's so deep.

And then, to make it worse for Stan, he couldn't stop thinking about what Kyle had said to him and the way that he had squeezed his crotch and the look in his eyes. I'm ready for you any time, _I'm ready for you any time_, _I'm ready for you any time_… _purrrrr…_ Stan needed Kyle in his pants right fucking now.

Kenny was in his own little world of rage and anger and jealousy and additional synonyms of envy every time Stan and Kyle pulled their mushy-gushy bullshit. He was in love with both of their fine asses, and since he got to experience Stan hardcore he was now lusting after Kyle especially. And all he could hear in his mind were Stan's moans and grunts and he could feel the touch of Stan's bare skin on his own as they fucked like rabbits on the dark, sandy, cold Californian shore. The memories were so vivid and sad and they made Kenny the angel really frustrated and he was also feeling mortal emotions right now so he felt powerless.

Craig was drinking his lukewarm tap water and watching Kenny stare at Kyle who was staring at Stan. He didn't really give two shits about what was happening between all of them and was more concerned with all of the bacteria floating around in his tap water but he kept chugging it because Craig was not yet quenched of his dying thirst for shitty lukewarm tap water.

And who gives a fuck about Tweek okay. Okay.

In the time you took to read that summary, their waitress scandalously walked over to their Denny's table she was so scandalous. Kenny wolf-whistled because you need to keep in mind that he also likes titties and vagina, so he is a bisexual not a queer gay homo like his damn sexy friends. So Kenny wolf-whistles at their scandalous waitress and she winked and she put down three plates of Denny's food from Denny's kitchen onto Denny's table. One of the plates was this really huge plate with vanilla ice cream and a shitload of whipped cream on it and it was ordered by Stan and Kyle who were going to split it and have sexy times. The other had bacon and eggs on it and it was for Kenny, and then the last one had nothing on it it was just a plate and it was for Craig.

All of their food was laid in front of them scandalously and then the scandalous waitress walked away and Kenny slapped her scandalous bitch ass because he is such a perverted immortal angel miracle and then she giggled scandalously. Then Kenny looked back at his bacon and eggs and it was smiling at him but smiling was for fags so he didn't smile but he opened his mouth and ate the bacon and eggs that were smiling at him because they needed to stop smiling.

And then, with a mouth full of bacon, Kenny looked up from his bacon and eggs and he saw Stan and Kyle feeding each other the mountain of vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. Stan was sliding the spoon out of Kyle's supple effeminate Jew mouth and he overdramatically licked it clean and moaned all seductively and it was making Stan so hard for him. And then Kyle took a spoonful of the vanilla ice cream whipped cream mountain and slid it through Stan's supple emo kid lips and then pulled it out and then seductively kissed him and then Stan opened his mouth and they shared the ice cream that way. Kenny took another bite of bacon.

Craig poked around at his empty plate but he wasn't that hungry and there was no way he could finish all that food so he pushed it away from him and in front of Tweek and asked Tweek if he wanted some of his nothing and Tweek agreed and he started eating Craig's nothing in large portions. Craig put a hand under his chin and watched Tweek eat his nothing because Craig was really bored so this was one of the things he did.

And then they all finished their food, "all" referring to Stan, Kyle, and Kenny and "food" referring to ice cream and eggs and bacon. Tweek and his nothing was not included in this because he wasn't done with his nothing yet, because there was so much of it so he was still eating the nothing but oh my god there was just so much of it he could never finish that.

"H-hey, how c-come we're always at family restaraunts eating breakfast—" Tweek started to say, but then he saw that everyone was glaring at him for questioning their behavior. You don't ever question their fucking behavior or actions okay. Back the fuck off. No. Shut your whore mouth. "Nnngh… gah… n-never mind."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, guys, back to _Sex on the Beaches_ Hotel…" Kenny started to say, and he enunciated "Sex on the Beaches" really long and drawn out and seductively seductive while he looked at Stan because the two of them had actual sex on the beaches in case you forgot or something. Stan noticed this and he choked on the saliva that was going down his throat at that same moment and he started coughing and then Kyle clung to him and started patting his back. Then Stan stopped choking he was okay and not dying now. "…right?"

"Yeah, let's go," Kyle agreed, clinging to Stan's side. Stan nodded slowly and Craig just flipped everyone off and Tweek was still shoving his face with the tremendous amount of nothing on his plate.

Then they all slid out of the booth and Craig had to pull Tweek by his flailing hands and arms because he was still shoving his face with all of the nothing on the plate as they were leaving and then Tweek cupped his hands and scopped some nothing into his palms to take along the ride and then he let Craig drag him out of Denny's.

The five of them strode out of Denny's mostly unnoticed but Tweek was spilling a little bit of nothing from out of his hands and the kawaii woman at the front desk looked at him like "bitch you spillin shit all over my floor" and Tweek twitched and looked at her like "ho I'm sorry but it's just spillin outta my hands I can't stop it" and then she gave him a Kanye West shrug as he was dragged out of the door by Craig and then the door slammed in Tweek's face and Tweek still had a handful of nothing though.

Kenny grabbed his diamond keys that were encrusted with diamonds and then he hit a button that made his sleek and sexy black Lamborghini drive up to the front of Denny's and the parking lot was now just sand and beaches and waves and the car zoomed into the orgasmic view and sparkled under the California sunlight and Kyle was getting so hard for the amazing things his eyes were witnessing and he rubbed against Stan and Stan moaned.

"Hey, black, that's your favorite color, Stan," Kyle felt the need to point out, and then Stan felt really sad because Kenny specifically got black for that reason but Kenny had to ask Stan personally what his favorite color was but Kyle already knew what Stan's favorite color was because they had been penis pals since they were babies so Kyle obviously knew everything about his man Stan. Stan moved Kyle closer to him by his waist.

"Yeah, Kye, it is…" Stan purred like a sexually stimulated kitten and also called Kyle by the nickname that Kyle enjoyed being addressed by because when you took out the "L" in Kyle's name it made Kyle really aroused but this was a secretive secret that only Stan knew and he also needed to do everything to get Kyle in bed with him when they got back to the hotel.

Kyle giggled and pecked Stan's cheek with his soft delicate faggot lips and Stan blushed because Kyle was so sexily adorable with his little pecks on the cheek. Then Kenny rolled his eyes and the doors of the black Lamborghini opened like _zzzzrtzrtttttrzt _and then the five of them all started to enter the doors of the black Lamborghini.

When the five faggoteers got inside of the black Lamborghini and slid into the circular booth, Stan started to have graphic flashbacks of making out with Kenny as he pinned Stan against the leather booth and how good it felt everywhere and the raging boner he had and Stan got really tense. And then he also remembered that he had sex with Kenny on the shore again so then he started to get really sad.

Kyle noticed this. "Babe, are you okay?"

"O-oh, yeah, Kye, I'm great. I'm great," Stan reassured his damn sexy boyfriend and broke out of his sad depressed trance and he smiled at Kyle to reassure him again that there was no depression in the emotions of Stan Marsh. But Kyle of course saw through this, because he is effeminate and he can read Stan's emotions like a book that would be called The Current Emotions of Stanley Marsh. Kyle frowned and gave him a look like "seriously tell me" and Stan sighed. "I've just been a little down lately, no big deal, sweetie."

Kyle narrowed his emerald jade green pine trees eyes seductively again and leaned in close to Stan and purred in his ear like a sexually stimulated animal of the feline variety again and Stan shivered intensely in the process of seduction. "Well, you could use some cheering up then…"

Stan started laughing kinkily and tilted his head and leaned in to Kyle's soft faggot lips and brushed his own faggot lips against them, to which Kyle responded by sliding his tongue out of his effeminate Jew mouth and licking Stan's bottom faggot lip. A moan escaped Stan's aroused throat and it left that place. Stan did the same to Kyle but it was a million times better because Stan was clearly the better kisser here and Kyle opened his mouth to let him in and Stan did so and Kyle relaxed his muscles and let Stan ease on top of him as they laid on top of the same booth that Stan and Kenny sucked faces upon.

Then they remembered that they were surrounded by three people and they both gasped and pulled apart and then saw that Craig and Tweek were staring at them but Kenny had his arms crossed and was looking away with jealousy. Kenny was really jealous. He expressed his jealousy in this fashion.

Stan and Kyle blushed, because they forgot that their friends were in the black Lamborghini too for a second because their love blinded them of everything but each other. It was so deep and meaningful.

Stan also realized that he and Kyle weren't physically connecting anymore and he would not allow this because he needed Kyle as aroused as possible, so he brushed his hand along Kyle's thigh and Kyle moaned like the little diabetic Jewish effeminate whore that he was. Kyle's moaning was so hot and Stan tried to contain himself.

Then the black Lamborghini made a sound like _zeertertretre _before saying_, "Arrived at destination… Sex on the Beaches Hotel_… _autopilot sequence complete. Please exit the vehicle…_"

It was so futuristic and cool. The five of them left the sleek sexy black Lamborghini doors and then the doors automatically closed behind them. While Kyle, Stan, Craig, and Tweek had their backs turned to Kenny and the black Lamborghini, Kenny stroked the roof of his car and whispered super quietly so that no one could hear him, "Thanks, Stan…"

Because Kenny named the black Lamborghini after his temporary lover. If you didn't get that. Then the black Lamborghini buzzed at him like _zerzzztrtrztrtt_ and then it drove away into the California eternal sunset, and Kenny turned back to face the four faggoteers and then ran to catch up with them at the sparkling golden doors of Sex on the Beaches Hotel.

Kenny kept running to catch up to the four of them, but then he started to feel a sensation in his eyes as Stan ran his hand over Kyle's sexy tight effeminate Jew ass. His eyes started to water, and his heart was slowly sinking and burning and felt like it was bleeding and getting its heart blood everywhere around him. Kenny couldn't believe it. Kenny was crying. Kenny was actually crying, Kenny motherfucking McKormick, the man who sheds no tears. A warm tear that symbolized envy and jealousy and synonyms of heartbreak slid down his angel miracle cheek and splashed on the California sand.

Then Kenny knew, now he was positive.

Kenny was actually in love with Stan.


	15. Bottoms Up

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN **

bottoms up

_bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green, girl you know I love the way you shakin it in them jeans_

bottoms up by trey songz

**authors note: holy shit 50 reviews you guys are fucking glorious people okay that orgy is happening**

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As soon as the five of them opened the massive golden doors at the front of the hotel, the golden elevator doors which they didn't really need to manually open anyway, and then the fucking massive golden doors of their glorious presidential golden suite, they all went into their rooms that were already determined earlier.

Tweek started bitching and twitching about some shit so Craig flipped him off and gave him the backhand and then shoved him into their golden bedroom. Stan and Kyle were so motherfucking horny it shouldn't be legal it should be illegal to be so motherfucking horny in their pants, so with this Stan chased Kyle's sexy effeminate perky diabetic Jew ass into their bedroom where they were totally going to have sex for the next five hours but we'll get back to that in a second.

Kenny slumped on the couch, sighing all depressed and sad because he was heartbroken and a sad miracle angel with no one to love because all of the other faggots he was vacationing with were partnered up now and off in their bedrooms literally screwing around.

Then he realized he probably shouldn't have only invited four other people which would equal five altogether because it was inevitable that they were going to pair up because they're fucking sixteen and in California, because that meant that one of them would always be without another penis to love.

And right now that was Kenny, and he was sad. So he turned on the television and watched the same old rerun of Barney & Friends and cuddled himself in a state of depression and heartbreak.

Meanwhile, in golden faggot bedroom number one, Kyle bursted into their bedroom and was slammed against the golden bed by his sexy flawless emo boyfriend who pounced his ass. They were both still fully clothed though, so Kyle giggled like the Jewfaggot he is and rolled over onto his back and Stan fell on his stomach. Their individually gorgeous flawless beautifully colored eyes sparkled underneath the light of a golden chandelier that hung on their ceiling. Kyle was metaphorically drowning in the metaphorical sea that was Stan's skinny jeans denim cerulean blue eyes as his lover sat upon his slender feminine stomach. Stan knew this obviously and he leaned down over his Jew lover, pressing their scrawny male chests together. Then he leaned his face in super close so that their noses were touching and slowed the speed of his breathing to a sexy, sexy pace.

Kyle was getting so hot over this and he flailed his limbs, sliding out and away from Stan and then growling like a horny jaguar or cheetah or something. He crawled around the bed because the metaphorical mental light switch inside of his head that wasn't actually for any lights but for his emotional state was turned on "horny" and beyond. He clawed the golden sheets under him as he circled around Stan while he continued to growl and purr like an aroused feline, Stan watching and grinning.

Then Kyle crawled up behind Stan and lightly sunk his teeth into his exposed shoulder, but it was such a perfect romantic bite because it didn't break skin or cause Stan pain or anything it was just sexy and worked with the whole feline thing he had going. A moan slid out of Stan's throat because moans tend to leave throats of faggots with minds of their own in almost every fanfiction ever written. But Stan moaned and Kyle lifted his feline teeth from Stan shoulder and he arched his back and shook his ass and let out a long, drawn-out meow. Like a cat says.

"Nnnr, St_aaa_n…" he moaned temptingly tempting and nudged Stan's arm with his Jew face. He lifted his hands up to Stan's arm and squeezed it lovingly with eagerness and arousal with his imaginary kitten claws. "I want."

"You want?" Stan asked for clarification because he was confused by his cat-boyfriend's words.

"I want _you_," he purred, biting down on Stan's arm flesh and sucking like, I don't know, an octopus. A plunger.

Stan chucked suggestively and moved his hand to brush Kyle's curly bouncy effeminate auburn ginger curls away from his eyes, but Kyle swatted at his hand with his imaginary paws and stopped sucking Stan's arm. He sat with Stan's arm in his kitten grasp for a second, and then he arched his back and shook his ass again and then he fucking pounced at Stan's face, knocking him backwards with Kyle's tongue jammed in the back of his throat. He moaned and moaned and moaned like _zzrtrtrtrtzzet_ and let Kyle run his hands under his shirt and slip it over his head and Stan did the same to his horny lover. Then they were both sexily shirtless and they rolled around on the bed in an intense tonsil hockey session and then Kyle slid his hands further down his sexy emo-but-not-emo boyfriend's slender body, and then down his pants once he reached the top of his pants. Stan gurgled arousedly like _zertrtrztrtrt_ and Kyle unbuttoned Stan's skinny jeans, sliding the tight legs off of his pale, beautiful but still manly legs. He twirled Stan's jeans around in the air and flung them across the room all dramatically, leaving Stan only in his gray and black plaid emo boxers.

Kyle parted his lips away from his lover for a second to let out a purr that needed to escape and then they connected again, and then Kyle spun his finger under the elastic waistband of Stan's boxers just to arouse him and it was working. Stan kicked at the mattress because he was so fucking horny and then he let Kyle the cat expose him completely. Stan also had a beautiful flawless erect dick and Kyle purred seductively.

"_Mine_…" Kyle purred for the twentieth time like a sexually stimulated feline and squeezed Stan's beautiful amazing flawless erect dick. Stan gurgled arousedly and bit his lower lip because he was so stimulated oh my god.

"Nnnhnnng, K-Kyle, _Kyle_, _KYLE_…!" Stan shrieked with pleasure, curling in his toes and clawing at the golden sheets of the golden bed as Kyle pumped him faster and faster as if Kyle did this all the time because he was such an effeminate Jew whore.

Kyle giggled and pumped Stan faster and faster and leaned over his sexy naked emo-but-not-emo lover who was in total ecstasy. This was also making Kyle really horny and he wanted to lose his virginity immediately so he slid off his tight-ass skinny jeans off of his own legs while still jacking off Stan. "Stan…"

"Nngg… nhnnng…" Stan replied behind his arousedly clenched teeth because he was too turned on to reply legibly to his boyfriend who was currently giving him the handjob of his life. Kyle leaned his face right next to Stan's ear.

"Fuck me…" Kyle whispered seductively, clicking his tongue and also purring into his ear for extra seductive seduction. Then Kyle let go of Stan's incredible dick and Stan could breathe again. Stan let Kyle's words process, and then he opened his cerulean denim ocean ice water breeze blue eyes and looked up into Kyle's pine tree forest in a blender emerald jade green eyes. Then Kyle's seductive words echoed in his head again, over and over until they started to sound like somebody else. Kyle leaned his face over and pressed his faggot lips against Stan's in a fury of homoerotic passion, and Stan kept hearing Kyle's seductive words in his head but in some other faggot's familiar voice.

"Kyle…" Stan blurted out mindlessly when Kyle pulled his lips away from him, and Kyle giggled and slid his hands under Stan's back, rolling over and then therefore Stan sliding on top of him. Stan was too caught up with the voice in his brain that wouldn't shut the fuck up and he was trying to identify it.

"Kyle…" Stan repeated, Kyle arching his back and Stan mindlessly without a mind stroking Kyle's soft effeminate Jew flesh along the sides of his torso. The fucking voice kept fucking getting louder and louder in his mind and he was close to figuring out who it was.

"Kyle…" he said for the third time, and Kyle slammed his face against the golden bed and howled in anticipation and other synonyms of excitement for Stan about to ram his faggoty ass into oblivion.

"Stan, _Stan_, I'm ready… _please_…" Kyle moaned, clawing at the golden sheets of the golden bed with his feline claws.

The voice, still in Stan's head, drowned out all of the other noises he was hearing which included just basically Kyle's aroused kitten noises and kept saying "fuck me", "fuck me", "fuck me" until Stan finally at last had finally figured out who the totally mysterious voice in his head that overtook Kyle's words actually was and it all came flashing before Stan's skinny jeans denim cerulean blue eyes.

"Kenny…" Stan blurted out, and then the voice stopped and he blinked back into reality. Kyle stopped in the middle of his moaning and all of the blush and redness in his face vanished and left his face like fuck this shit.

"What did you say?" Kyle asked slowly, starting to sit up from his arched buttsex position and he covered his exposed lower half with a golden sheet off of the golden bed because he was self-conscious about his effeminate Jew whore body.

"Kenny… I… I lost my virginity to Kenny last night…" Stan continued, still thinking out loud without thinking about what he just said to Kyle he wasn't thinking. But then he thought with his brain and he blinked his eyes and then sat up really fast with this realization and slammed his hands over his mouth because he realized he just told Kyle his _super dark secret_.

"You… you, Stan, _you_ _WHAT_?" Kyle fucking screamed, covering his mouth with shocked shock because he was so fucking shocked right now. He started shaking because he was so shocked oh my god. Then Stan gulped down saliva and the room that was once full of moaning and pleasure was now silent and tense and sad.

Then Kyle clenched his teeth, and from his effeminate Jew pine trees in a blender emerald jade green eyes came a stream of tears that symbolized sadness and heartbreak and Stan's betrayal. Then Kyle lifted his hand up from the golden sheets and he took his effeminate Jew hand and effeminately slapped Stan across his beautiful emo face. Stan started trembling now too, and he reached out to stop Kyle as he ran away crying with a golden sheet wrapped around his damn sexy effeminate body and ran out the golden door, and into the master golden bathroom and locked himself inside and Stan could hear him screaming.

Even though Kyle's bitch slap was totally wimpy and Kyle was incapable of serious physical pain because he was an effeminate Jew faggot, Stan's face was still red in the shape of Kyle's hand and it stung and reminded him that he had cheated on his lovely, lovely boyfriend. Stan groaned, wiping away his wimpy heartbreak tears and putting his face in his hands. He was such a douchebag for cheating on his loyal, amazing super best friend Jew lover like this. He sucked it up for now, sliding on his black and gray plaid emo boxers and his black v-neck over his bare naked sexy body and walked out the golden door.

He walked out and Kenny looked up at him from the golden couch with a raised eyebrow. Stan crossed his arms to hug himself and looked down at the golden floor, and Kenny sighed.

"What did you do to the poor kid now, man?" Kenny asked him, and Stan sighed with sadness and depression and sat next to Kenny on the golden couch. Stan ran a hand through his raven black hair and swallowed before he told Kenny what happened.

"I told Kyle that I lost my virginity to you, and I had absolutely no intention of telling him, it just… I started to say your name instead of Kyle's, I heard your voice instead of Kyle's, and then I told him," Stan confessed, sniffling and wiping tears away from his crying skinny jeans denim blue cerulean eyes.

"Gah, bro, why would you…" Kenny groaned, clenching his miracle angel head with frustration and pity for Stan.

"I don't know, okay? And… and we were about to have sex, we were so close… I fucked it all up. He slapped me. We're going to break up, the love of my life is going to break up with me, Kenny," Stan cried really hard and sad, and Kenny looked up and frowned at Stan who was across the couch from him.

"It's okay, it'll… it'll work out," Kenny tried to console the crying emo faggot next to him, scooting over and wrapping an arm around Stan's waist. Stan leaned against Kenny and cried against him and Kenny was secretly happy that he told Kyle because he stopped them from having sex and now Stan was crying in his own bisexual arms, fuck yeah.

"No it won't, Kenny…" Stan cried, which was muffled and quiet into the fabric of Kenny's sexy white shirt so he wasn't heard as clear as it should have been. "He and I are over now. Listen to him, he's fucking bawling."

"Stan, I know how much Kyle loves you… he wouldn't ever give you up, even if I did ram your ass on the beach last night," Kenny tried to console again but he was so happy that he had Stan right now that the fact that he didn't really care couldn't be hidden. Stan groaned with regret again and Kenny squeezed him at the emo faggot waist.

"I don't know… I don't know, Ken…" Stan sighed into him, and accidentally but also maybe totally on purpose called Kenny by his sexy awesome nickname that people occasionally used.

Then Kenny nudged Stan's slightly crying emo faggot face with his miracle angel shoulder and then Stan lifted his head up and Kenny smiled his easy sexy miracle angel comforting smile and Stan smiled back because he couldn't resist Kenny's amazing incredible face and personality and appearance.

"Hey," Kenny began, leaning over behind the golden couch and pulling out two bottles of beer because Kenny really enjoyed beer even though he was sixteen and he was breaking the law and it wasn't really possible for him to obtain beer in the first place but he had beer right now and he held one of the bottles near kinda crying Stan. "Want a beer?"

Stan shrugged, taking the bottle of beer alcohol from Kenny's miracle angel hand and trying to open the metal cap but he cut his hand accidentally because when Kenny was around Stan lost all of his manliness ever. Kenny laughed and snatched the bottle from Stan, opening it perfectly and fast with his miracle angel teeth and handing it to Stan. Stan smiled and he was awestruck by Kenny's badassery and then Kenny extended his own bottle.

"A toast," Kenny announced, and Stan extended his bottle of beer alcohol too so that now both of their beer alcohol bottles of illegal beer alcohol were right next to each other. "To us."

Stan smiled really wide because you already know that he thinks with his dick when he's around the taker of his virginity. Kenny and Stan clinked their bottles of illegal beer alcohol and they made a sound like _zetrtrtrtrtzttt _when they came together and it also symbolized their relationship together it was so deep and meaningful right.

"Yeah," Stan smiled, leaning his head back on Kenny's shoulder and nuzzling into Kenny's miracle angel neck with a huge fucking smile and illegal beer alcohol liquor fluid in his hand. "To us."

Then Kenny tilted his head and planted a totally friendly and seemingly meaningless kiss against Stan's delicate emo faggot cheek, and Kenny felt his cheeks heat up and go red beneath his lips and he pulled away. Stan was blushing, he was blushing and he couldn't stop, and a warm happy tear that might have also been left over from his sadness drama over Kyle slid down the same warm emo faggot cheek that Kenny just kissed, symbolizing a bunch of shit that won't be listed right now okay why don't you just guess.

Then Stan knew, now he was positive.

Stan was actually in love with Kenny.


	16. Poker Face

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

poker face

_can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face, she's got to love nobodyyy_

poker face by lady gaga

**authors note: btw your beautiful amazing creative ocs will be used next chapter maybe hopefully possibly okay **

**okay**

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Stan jumped up from the golden couch beside Kenny really quickly because he was already betraying Kyle enough as it was. He choked on the illegal beer alcohol liquor in his mouth, handing Kenny the illegal beer alcohol liquor bottle and continuing to choke. Kenny raised a concerned eyebrow and stood up to smack Stan on the faggot back, which made Stan's state of choking vanish totally completely. Stan smirked with one side of his smile.

"T-thanks, man. Uhm, I, uh, I'm gonna… talk… to Kyle…" Stan began, but Kenny shook his head to decline Stan's suggestion and put a finger to Stan's mouth to get him to stop talking.

"No, Stan, I'm talking to him. I pretty much initiated the sex on the beach last night, so I should be doing the apologizing," Kenny convinced, and Stan smiled because oh my god he was such a sweet immortal miracle angel. Stan giggled and let his true faggot shine.

"Well, okay, I guess… I mean, he'd probably be madder at me anyway, for fucking around behind his back and allowing it to happen. But, uhm, yeah. Thanks, Ken, I…" Stan started, and Kenny very super quickly and briefly smashed their lips together and Stan blinked and fucking grinned really intensely.

"…Love you," they both said at the exact same time in unison it was so beautiful and adorable and then they both blinked and Kenny turned with a smile and went to the master bathroom to go console Stan's damn sexy effeminate Jewfaggot boyfriend.

Stan giggled, twirling and landing on the golden couch and then slapped himself in the face to remind him that he needed to snap out of this bullshit. He was in love with Kyle. Kyle.

"Kyle, think of him bare naked and emerging out of the sparkling California ocean, backlit by the eternal sunset…" Stan chanted to himself quietly at quiet volume, clenching his head because he was so sexually frustrated right now.

Kenny strode up to the golden doors of the golden master bathroom, Kyle's screaming and bawling getting louder and louder and louder. Kenny took a deep breath for reassurance because he needed reassurance even though Kenny motherfucking McCormick hardly needed reassurance he needed reassurance at this moment. Then he took his immortal miracle angel knuckles and he tapped them against the massive golden doors to the master bathroom.

"G-get the _FUCK _away from me, Stan!" his voice hysterically wheezed from inside of the golden doors, and Kenny laughed quietly to himself and shook his head.

"It ain't Stan, beautiful," Kenny stated and was being matter-of-factly, and also added "beautiful" because Kenny had to flirt with everybody all the time because he was a horny immortal miracle angel flirt. Kyle wheezed again, and Kenny pressed his ear to the door. He heard Kyle's effeminate footsteps against the golden floor because he has miracle angel hearing detection, and then he stepped back just in time before Kyle turned the golden doorknob and really carefully opened the door just enough for his eye to see who was behind the door. Kyle growled like a rabid canine.

"Y-you _bastard_, w-why did my man fuck you?" Kyle hissed like a fucking enraged kitten, and Kenny chuckled nervously and held out his hands to motion with his hands for Kyle to take a chill pill and relax his rage and tame the effeminate beast inside of him.

"Kyle, Kyle, let me explain it all to you. And you think _he_ did the fucking? Heh… a-anyhow, let me in, sweetie," Kenny told Kyle because he wanted to be let in to the master bedroom so that he could get both on Kyle's good side and resolve things between Stan and Kyle so he would also be on Stan's good side. Kyle grumbled, looking down at his feet and still kept the door open by like three centimeters.

"I-I'm not wearing clothes, Stan and I were kinda in the middle of… sex… well, about to-" Kyle confessed to Kenny and he was so embarrassed oh my god, and Kenny laughed hysterically.

"I know that, honey," Kenny smirked because he was picture Kyle's effeminate naked Jew body. Then he realized he should probably get clothes for Kyle so that he would love him more so then he ran at a super angel miracle speed and brought back a pair of boxers so Kyle would still be half naked so that the brain in Kenny's miracle angel dick would be satisfied. "Here, I've got boxers, open up."

Kyle hesitantly opened the golden doors and Kenny slid himself inside the golden master bathroom and shut the door quickly behind him. Then his cyanide blue teal chemical eyes drifted their gaze down Kyle's curvy waist and to his effeminate dick, but then Kyle cleared his throat really loudly to get Kenny realize he was staring and then he jumped because he was so startled and then he handed the boxers to Kyle and laughed nervously.

Kenny looked at the golden ground as Kyle slid on the boxers and then he looked over at Kyle again. "Okay, uh… let's talk, then."

Kenny sat on the golden floor and then Kyle sat on the golden floor only in his boxers he was so effeminate and sexy and then Kenny cleared his throat like Kyle had done earlier but now they meant serious business and they were going to discuss serious business right now on the golden floor okay.

"Well, last night Stan went up to me to bitch about how you needed to be fed because you were starving and dying, then the California moonlight sort of made Stan glow in this ridiculously attractive way and I pecked him on the cheek, then he… he kinda smashed his lips against mine, b-but that isn't the issue, the issue is that we were both in the moment and I was the one who stripped him down and penetrated his faggoty ass and initiated the romantic contact. I'm sorry that I stole his virginity from you, the rightful owner," Kenny explained to Kyle on the golden floor and Kyle listened with wide-eyed wide eyes and he frowned.

"He kissed you, he kissed you…" Kyle grumbled and was grumbling all grumbly.

"No, I kissed him," Kenny clarified for the confused effeminate Jew.

"_You_ kissed his cheek, _he_ made out with you," Kyle snapped back like a crocodile because he was so snappy and angry.

"Actually, I was the one who got tongue involv— _this isn't the point! _The point is, it's all my fault that I fucked Stan. Stan loves you and he's been crying and bitching over you since you ran out of your ass-ramming session," Kenny tried to convince to Kyle convincingly in their deep conversation and then Kyle grumbled again.

"He still started the kissing…" Kyle whined like a little bitch. Kenny groaned because he was tired of the effeminate Jew's bullshit.

"God damn it, okay, here, let me show you," Kenny started and then he grabbed Kyle's shoulders. "You be Stan, I'll be me."

"W-wait, what?" Kyle asked, but then Kenny covered his mouth.

"This is _all_ I did," Kenny told Kyle, and then leaned over to the side of Kyle's face and he delicately brushed his lips over Kyle's soft effeminate flesh, and was surprised he wasn't bitch slapped already. Then he pressed his miracle angel lips against Kyle's cheek harder and he felt Kyle's skin heat up and blush under his lips like every time he kisses a faggot on the cheek. Then Kenny pulled away gently and slowly, and he felt Kyle shiver because Kyle was very clearly seduced by Kenny's seductive seduction.

"Then Stan—" Kenny started to explain to Kyle, but then Kyle inhaled the air in the air and then Kyle turned his face to face Kenny's face and he smashed their lips together in a fury of homoerotic passion like _zzrrrrrtrtrtrzt _and Kenny's cyanide and happiness chemical blue eyes widened super wide-eyed and moved his bisexual miracle angel lips against Kyle's effeminate faggot lips and started giggling with accomplishment into Kyle's faggot mouth because he finally had Kyle around his immortal bisexual finger too. But then Kenny was like "oh shit, wait, now I'm getting on Stan's bad side by doing this", so he delicately grabbed Kyle's delicate face and pried it away from his. "…Then Stan did _that_ and ruined your relationship."

Kyle stopped struggling his faggoty effeminate Jew face towards Kenny's miracle angel face again when he heard the words "ruined your relationship" and then his facial face expression on his face went totally blank and his jade pine trees in a blender emerald evergreen green eyes were talking to Kenny and transmitting their feelings now and Kenny was told by Kyle's eyes that they were feeling guilty now.

"I just kissed you," Kyle trembled all around like _zrtrtrtrt_, touching his faggoty Jew lips where he had just sucked Kenny motherfucking McCormick's face just right now.

"Yeah, you did, uhm, but there's my point. If I hadn't seduced you with the kiss on the cheek, you wouldn't have kissed me, right?" Kenny started to make his point pointily clear and Kyle slowly nodded to answer Kenny's question to make his pointy point. "So, that was the same thing that Stan did, and if I hadn't stopped us I would have eventually fucked you right here, right now on the golden bathroom floor and you would have lost your virginity to me and imagine how Stan would feel. About both of us."

"You would have sex with me right now?" Kyle asked Kenny the angel for clarification because he needed this to be clarified for him.

"Fuck yeah, but I'm not doing that to Stan—" Kenny started to start to say.

"But it's only fair, it's perfect! Stan will learn his lesson and know how it feels, and we'll both have the same sexual experience so that neither of us would lose our virginity to each other. It's the perfect form of revenge, Kenny!" Kyle squealed like a sexually stimulated teenage girl and then clung to Kenny's arms.

"God damn it, _no_, it isn't perfect, I am not going to have sex with you to get back at Stan. That's final," Kenny shook his head even though he wanted to ram Kyle's ass until the sun set and rose again but he thought he was currently in love with Stan so he didn't want to break Stan's faggoty heart. But then Kyle growled like an angry dog again and clawed at Kenny's arms.

"_Yes_, you _are_," Kyle hissed like a furious enraged kitten and he smashed his faggoty lips against Kenny's face again and Kenny pushed him off once more again because he was seriously not going to have sex with Kyle and make Stan hate him.

"I. Am. _Not_. Fucking. You," Kenny snapped, and he put his angel miracle hand in front of Kyle's lips and Kyle mouth-raped Kenny's palm instead of his angel miracle immortal mouth. "Bad Kyle. We aren't having sex."

"_Pleeeaasse_…" Kyle moaned but Kenny's hand was still over Kyle's mouth so it sounded all like _zrrrrtrztrtrztrtr_ instead of normal legible human words. Kenny shook his head and mouthed "no" with his miracle lips but it was silent with no words. "Why _not?_ Stan would get what he deserves."

"Kyle, listen to yourself. Don't you love Stan anymore?" Kenny asked Kyle all heartfelt and sad, and Kyle's evergreen pine tree jade green eyes shimmered and looked down at the golden floor that he was sitting on Kenny's lap on. Kenny moved his hand and temporary faggot shield away from Kyle's lips once he knew Kyle was calm again, and Kyle started to whimper and cry because now he was coming back into reality suddenly and was now totally sane and now longer seduced by Kenny's seductive seduction.

"You're right, Kenny… I'm in love with Stan, I…" Kyle started to confess and cry and whine to himself because he had a mood swing just now and remembered that he was loyal to his amazing beautiful damn sexy faggoty emo boyfriend and he felt like such a monster. And then, before Kyle could continue, he started to hear quiet muffled music. There was music in the air, he could hear music and there was music in his musical ears and everything was musical. "Music…"

Then the musical music got more clearer and louder and then Kyle could recognize the musical music song with his ears because you hear musical music with your ears. And then Kyle felt the musical music emotionally touching his heart and then he didn't know why so he sat up from his seat upon Kenny's miracle angel lap and opened the golden door, and he could hear the musical music song playing super clear now, and now he knew what song it was and it was so original and this was such a special original song that nobody used or quoted _ever_ and, it was Kyle and Stan's song. Also known as the super unique and creative song Wonderwall by the band Oasis.

Kyle felt himself crying from his emerald evergreen green jade eyes and tears were everywhere and he wiped them away and let the musical music song fill his ears and he followed the sound because Kyle knows how to follow sound I guess so he followed it and the song was coming from Kyle and Stan's golden bedroom and so Kyle walked down the golden hallway and now their special song is going to be in italics to be more effective because it is so deal with it.

_There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how._

Kyle walked down the golden hallway, and he pushed open the golden bedroom doors and then his evergreen green jade emerald eyes looked up into Stan's skinny jeans denim cerulean ocean breeze ice eyes and both of them metaphorically melted into puddles of Stan and Kyle fluids. Stan was standing there and for some reason he somehow had a perfectly perfect black tuxedo so he was wearing that and he looked incredibly sexy and he flipped his raven black hair out of his stunning eyes and he was holding a bouquet of red roses because Kyle was a secret whore and lover of flowers and especially red roses and Stan smirked with one side of his smile and Kyle's happy tears came from his eyes. Then Kyle giggled while crying with happiness and leaped into Stan's arms, but Stan put the roses down right before then because otherwise there would be thorns stabbing Kyle right now. Then Stan spun Kyle around the room and it symbolized their dramatic important significant reunion even though Kyle just went to cry in the bathroom and made out with Kenny for like a few minutes but it was still dramatic and important, so shut your whore mouth.

_Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me._

They spun and giggled and kissed and cuddled and it was a touching, touching reunion between the two and now their relationship was more alive than ever. It was beautiful.

Down the hall, Kenny glared at the two of them spinning and the musical music of their song filling Kenny's ears and then Kenny took a switchblade out from his bottomless pants and he _cut himself_ but when he _cut himself_ he didn't bleed because he is an immortal miracle angel so he just _cut himself_ so that he could say he recently _cut himself_. So he continued to _cut himself _and watched his two temporary lovers embrace their love for each other and then Kenny wished he could bleed so when he _cut himself_ everyone would know he _cut himself_.

"Stan, I love you so much…" Kyle cooed like a lovestruck pigeon does because you totally know what that sounds like and then Stan placed a quickly brief faggoty kiss on Kyle's face.

"I love you too, Kye," Stan cooed like a lovestruck pigeon does because you totally know what that sounds like and then Kyle placed a quickly brief faggoty kiss on Stan's face.

What do you mean, where are Craig and Tweek? Wait, who? Don't make up people like that, it's confusing, you dipshit.

_And after all, you're my wonderwall_.


	17. Nothin' on You

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

nothin' on you

_beautiful girls all over the world, I could be chasin' but my time would be wasted they got nothin' on you, baby, nothin' on you, baby_

nothin' on you by bruno mars

**author's note: so this chapter is going to be like all about craig and tweek and their adventures because you guys like them i guess i think idk but yes have fun**

**SORRY FOR BEING GONE LOL**

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Craig grumbled angrily because he was angry and frustrated and he slammed his fists against the golden door of he and Tweek's golden bedroom. He was angry because Craig really hated music and there was music blasting from Stan and Kyle's room next to them and Craig was losing his fucking mind. And Tweek already lost his fucking mind.

"Fuck, that fucking music is so fucking loud," Craig grumbled because Craig grumbles a lot and he started flipping off the golden door and the golden wall and the golden floors because everything needed to fuck off.

"C-cr_aaaig_, m-maybe… maybe you can tell them to turn it off, th-then?" Tweek suggested with his brilliant suggestion and Craig jerked his head around to look at his mentally disturbed boyfriend and he twitched when Craig looked at him. "D-don't hurt me!"

"Fucking relax, Tweekerstweek, we're fucking done with physical abuse today. And, fuck, I know that fucking song, it's Stan and Kyle's fucking song, they wouldn't fucking turn that shit off even if I fucking asked," Craig grumbled again and slinked away from the golden door that he was previously beating with his fists and feet and towards the golden couch where Tweek was cowering on.

"W-well, it clearly b-bothers you, nng, you should ask… w-why are you coming closer? Nnhng, don't hurt me, don't hurt me… I still have b-bruises…" Tweek stuttered and started to flail around and spaz and have seizures against the golden couch.

"Calm the _fuck_ down, I already fucking told you I've hurt you enough today," Craig grumbled for the fourth time and then he sat beside his seizuring boyfriend against the golden couch. Tweek whimpered.

Even though Craig hated everyone and everything for some deep meaningful reason so he felt the need to flip everything off in his sight that so much as barely irritated him, he never, ever, ever, ever, flipped off his spazzy Tweek unless it was to convince him to make out with him or to ram his spazzy ass or something. But the bottom line is that Craig never, ever flipped off Tweek so this was not something that would be happening in the future.

So Craig looked over at Tweek who was clawing at his face and growling and he put a hand on his shoulder to which Tweek responded with a gurgling sound that was like _ztrtrtrztrt_ and then Craig squeezed his shoulder harder and Tweek stopped gurgling to avoid the potential physical pain that was awaiting his flailing body. Then Craig smiled for like two seconds but oh my god smiling was for fags so he stopped doing that. Then Craig sighed because there was like this moment of awkward silence except for Tweek's squawking and tension between them and Craig hated that.

"Sorry for hurting you," Craig blurted out because it was not something he wanted to say because I mean who _actually_ apologizes. Tweek looked over at him like _nghzzrtztrtrt_ and he tilted his head like a confused mammal because he was because humans are mammals too and then he bit down on his lip because he was caffeinated.

"W-what?" Tweek squeaked, and Craig grumbled like _zrtrtr _again and then he grabbed Tweek's other shoulder and pulled him closer to him and Tweek was like _what what are you doing to me why is this happening_ and Craig pressed his forehead against Tweek's foreheady forehead and glared into his coffee brown eyes that were brown like the coffee that Tweek lusted after.

"I am _sorry_. I am apologizing to you. This is an apology, Tweek," Craig grumbled for the fifth time or something. Tweek whimpered the way a tortured kitten would whimper, and he tried to move his forehead away from Craig's forehead because it was making him super nervous and anxious. And then Craig's words actually sunk into his delayed spaz brain and he stopped squirming and he smiled with one side of his smile. Craig had never apologized to Tweek. He was so deep.

"T-thanks, Craig… thank you…" Tweek stuttered because he always is hyper and stuttery all the time. He twitched, too. Craig resisted all urges to flip him off because Tweek was so special to him or something now because of that one time where they had a fight in third grade and now eight years later they're lovers or something. Deal with it.

Craig smiled when Tweek thanked him for his super deep apology, and then Tweek smiled wider and then he put his twitchy face on Craig's grumbling shoulder and while his face was there he twitched. Not to mention it was like _zrtrtrtrtrtrtert_.

So even though they like just got back from Denny's, it's night time now I guess so let's pretend like the daytime never happened. It's night now. Night time makes for more exciting plot details.

Craig and Tweek are lying in their golden bed together, kind of cuddling but not really. Craig grumbled angrily and shoved his head under the golden blankets because something was bothering him again, which isn't actually that surprising considering the personality of Craig Tucker but this is knowledge you should already know. But he was grumbling and he couldn't sleep and Tweek _didn't sleep _so he was lying next to Craig and vibrating.

Craig couldn't sleep because his room was right exactly next to Stan and Kyle's golden bedroom, and they were having loud conversations and interactions at 1:23AM in the dawn. Craig cannot have any noises around him when he needs to sleep, so this was a really big problem.

"Kyle, come over here…" Stan moaned from the other room but even though the walls were made of FUCKING GOLD they could still hear him.

"Mmm, be patient," Kyle moaned and it was super suggestive and it was kind of muffled through the FUCKING GOLDEN walls but not really it was for the most part okay.

"Nnng, _Kyle_… come to bed, please…" Stan gurgled and Craig rolled his eyes and he smashed his own face into the golden pillow and groaned because he was so angry ohmygod so he was going to just sit here and mentally complain.

"Alright, alright, relax…" Kyle's voice was saying.

"Mmmhm…" Stan moaned but it was like happily.

"Mmmmhm…" Kyle moaned and it was like happilyierly than Stan's moans. Craig could also hear other sounds through the FUCKING GOLDEN walls those of which included the following: shuffling of bed sheets, footsteps, breathing, blinking, thrusting, and other sounds that people, specifically Stan and Kyle, would be making in another room. So Craig heard Kyle getting onto the bed and also heard his lips crash against Stan's in a fury of homoerotic passion. He heard them strip each other to the boxers and also heard them position themselves on the golden mattress and then he heard them remove their boxers. Because Craig has really, really, fucking sensitive hearing.

"Holy _shit,_ did you shave your legs?" Stan asked from the other room and Craig could hear Stan lying on top of Kyle and stroking his legs like he was petting an animal that was Kyle.

"Mhm… all for this moment…" Kyle swooned and Craig heard Kyle wrap his effeminate arms around Stan's neck and pull his face closer down to his own.

"Kyle, fuck, they're so smooth…" Stan moaned and Craig tried to tune all of it out but his hearing is just so god damn powerful and he can't do anything to stop this homosexual madness that he is accidentally overhearing. He just wanted to sleep right now.

"I know…" Kyle whispered and Craig heard it like Kyle was whispering into his own ear and he shivered and then he heard Stan and Kyle make out naked on the golden bed.

And then a few minutes later he heard Stan penetrate Kyle's ass for the first time and then he heard Kyle's screams even louder than the other noises that he has been hearing. There would be no sleep tonight for Craig.

**2:42AM**

"Ohh, Stan, Stan, _Stan, Stan, STAN!" _Kyle shrieked like the effeminate girl he was and Craig turned over on his bed because he could not fucking fall asleep with the faggoty business taking place so loudly.

**3:28AM**

That indicated that forty minutes passed just now. They're still fucking and Craig is losing his mind but doing it politely.

**4:34AM**

Stan and Kyle fell asleep. So then Craig fell asleep.

And then some OCs poked their original heads through the window and then they poked them back outside and they left.

Tweek is sitting in the darkness and vibrating.


	18. Drop It to the Floor

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

drop it to the floor

_ooh drop it to the floor make you wanna say it, yeah you can shake some more, make you wanna say it_

hey baby (drop it to the floor) by pitbull

**authors note: hello**

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"Rise and shine, faggots!" Kenny's bisexual voice booms through the golden hallway and he kicks open the golden door of Stan and Kyle's bedroom with his sock-covered foot. He enters the golden room and is determined to wake up Stan and Kyle because he's hungry and Kyle has the capability to make breakfast. So he has entered their room and he walks over to their golden bed where only their sleeping heads are poking out.

Kenny takes a handful of the golden sheets and he yanks them off of Stan and Kyle to wake them up, but was not expecting to reveal their bare naked faggoty bodies.

"Oh, _SHIT_," Kenny backs up and goes red, because he's in love with both of the people naked and sleeping in front of him. The sound of Kenny's voice and the change in temperature makes Kyle wake up, and his emerald jade green beautiful eyes open and they see Kenny backed up against the golden wall.

"Kenny, what…" Kyle groans drowsily because he is tired and he shifts his head a little bit. Kenny pokes his head out from under his arm which he was using to politely cover his eyes because he is courteous and nice. This confuses Kyle because Kyle is apparently currently unaware that Stan rammed his ass last night. "What's wrong?"

"Uhm, uh, uhh…" Kenny stutters awkwardly and hides his blush with his hands. He walks towards the door because he already knows he's going to get the effeminate Jew rage unleashed upon him. "You're both totally naked."

Kenny quickly sees Kyle's face which is expressing every synonym of mortified before he hears Kyle's furious shriek and gets the golden lamp beside their golden bed thrown at him. The lamp hits Kenny in the back and shatters on the impact against Kenny's miracle angel body and pieces scatter everywhere across the golden carpet. Then Kenny gets the fuck out and escapes to the living room.

The sound of the lamp or maybe it was Kyle's screaming but it was the loud fucking noises that woke Stan up. He grumbles sleepily and lifts his head from the golden pillows and strokes Kyle's red cheeks.

"R-relax… Kye…" Stan yawns because he is sleepy from fucking all night but he doesn't remember that right now.

"_RELAX_? Kenny just saw both of us naked!" Kyle shrieks, and he secretly melts into a puddle of Kyle fluids when Stan's delicate hand delicately runs across his Jewish face. But he pretends to be really mad and bitchy right now.

"Ah, whatever, he saw me naked yesterday—" Stan blurts out without thinking because he's stupid and ridiculous now and Kyle slaps his face even though Stan knows he doesn't mean it in a mean way. "O-oww… Sorry. _Sorry_."

"Did we have sex last night?" Kyle asks Stan politely and drowns in his ocean skinny jeans blue denim blue eyes. Stan looks down and gives him an _"are you fucking serious_" look.

"I don't know, is your ass sore?" Stan blurts out again because oh my god he can't control himself today so he gets slapped by Kyle again. "_Agh,_ dude, okay okay, sorry…"

"To answer your question, yes, it is," Kyle can't stop the smirk that infectiously spreads on his Jewish face like a disease or something. So Stan smirks too because of the smirking disease going around. "You weren't gentle with me as I thought you'd be."

"Mhmm… yeah…" Stan nods, leaning in closer to Kyle's face. Kyle blushes, putting his effeminate faggot hand in between their lips like a wall or something. "Awwh, way to cock-block, Kyle."

"Stan, let's eat or something first, I don't feel great," Kyle sighs, and Stan pouts because inside he is just a giant sympathetic pussy, no matter how blinded he gets by his lust to be jammed inside Kyle's ass.

"Okay, babe… I'm sorry," Stan sighs and he feels like a sex-crazed douchebag now. Kyle puts his hand down against the golden bed and really fastly presses his lips against Stan's to satisfy him and show that he's grateful because Stan is such a cool amazing boyfriend lover.

"Thanks, Stan. I love you," Kyle coos like a lovestruck pigeon. "I really do."

"I lo—" Stan starts to say, but then Kenny walks back inside the room and interrupts him.

"Are you clothed yet— oh, god damn it, you aren't," Kenny sighs, putting hands to his eyes.

"KENNY, _OUT!_" Kyle shrieks, grabbing another lamp but he doesn't throw it because Kenny turns on his miracle heel and is already gone. Then Kyle calms his tits and puts the lamp down, getting out of bed and taking the golden sheets with him to cover his effeminate dick because he's sensitive about his body. Stan laughs like _zzzzzrtrztrzt_.

"Dude, you don't need to hide your dick from me. I think we've gone beyond that level now," Stan smirks again and Kyle points his finger and puts it to his Jew lips as an indication that Stan needs to shut the fuck up.

"No more sex talk right now," Kyle groans because he is slightly irritated and angry with Stan even though that's impossible to be because Stan is an amazing gorgeous person. Kyle opens the golden dressers and starts looking through the clothes and pulls out a fucking vibrant neon green shirt that said "MY FUTURE IS SO BRIGHT I NEED SUNGLASSES" in big white letters and he slid it on, and then he put on some denim short short shorts that were as short as you could fucking get. He was the pinnacle of California faggot fashion.

Kyle strutted through the golden bedroom door with his effeminate Jew hips rocking back and forth and his short short shorts framing his ass perfectly, and Stan watched his sexy boyfriend from the bed where he was still naked. And then he realized.

He didn't get to finish his "I love you too".

Meanwhile, in the living room, Kenny was watching TV and by TV I mean porn and then Kyle strides his sexy ass past the TV and then Kenny forgot all about the porn because Kyle's infectious ass made Kenny a temporary faggot. So he shot up from the golden couch and followed Kyle into the kitchen like a lovesick puppy that wanted to ram ass.

"H-hey, Kyle…" Kenny slurs, sliding into the kitchen where Kyle was standing with his hand on his hip. "You still trying to get revenge at Stan by having sex with me?"

Kyle rolls his eyes and his spatula. "No, _no_, Kenny. We've worked that _all_ out… me and him…" he smiles and rubs his sore ass.

Kenny's shoulders sink because he's totally sad now because he denied Kyle when he wanted to fuck him but now that won't ever happen because he was too worried about Stan. He didn't love Stan, he loved Kyle. Or did he. This was so confusing for him and everyone around him but mostly him.

"Okay," Kenny sighed because he was so defeated now what was the point. "That's cool. I'm happy for you guys."

"Thank you, Ken. That means a lot…" Kyle smiles wide and happily and flips over a pancake on the skillet pan that he had already cooked in like five minutes.

Kenny smiled back and nodded and that was as far as he was going to get.


	19. Fuckin Perfect

**CHATPER NINETEEN**

fucking perfect

_pretty pretty please don't you ever ever think that you're less than fucking perfect_

fucking perfect by pink

**author's note: SHIT IS GOING DOWN**

**SHIT IS GOING DOWN YOU GUYS**

**EVERYTHING YOU ONCE KNEW WILL JUST VANISH**

**and where are you guys did you leave me**

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* * *

**

Kyle felt like he was going to vomit on everyone and everything.

He even had to stop cooking, which was like his fucking expert skill other than timing and directions and travel and locomotions and he belonged in the fucking kitchen. So this was not right or acceptable, at all. Right now Craig, Tweek, Kenny, and Stan were sitting on the golden carpet, in the middle of an intense game of Strip Go Fish Truth or Dare Spin the Bottle to pass the time.

"Do you have any sevens?" Stan asked Kenny, totally bored and serious and uninterested in Strip Go Fish Truth or Dare Spin the Bottle because his boyfriend was vomiting his guts and feelings and vomit out in the master bathroom.

"No. Lose the shirt, go fish." Kenny smiled at Stan, looking forward to seeing Stan's bare scrawny emo kid pale flawless chest. So Stan sighed and obeyed and threw his black t-shirt over his head and behind him. Then Kenny spun the bottle in the middle of the four of them and using his angel miracle powers it landed on Stan. Then he crawled up to Stan and kissed him short and sweet but with tongue, then sat back down. Stan blushed and looked away, Kenny grinning with his super pearly sparkly whites. "Truth or dare?"

"Uh, I don't know, truth," Stan droned, rubbing his eyes with his fingers because he was so tired.

"Would you f—" Kenny started to ask, but was conveniently interrupted by Kyle dramatically shrieking from the master bathroom.

"_GAHHH… owh…!" _Kyle screamed and cried, and that was the last straw for Stan and he threw he cards on the carpet and stood up and ran towards the master bathroom where Kyle currently was. What if he was dying. Oh my god. He had to get over there right now. He was running as fast as he possibly could and everything was in slow motion it was dramatic.

Then Stan put his hand on the golden doorknob and flung open the bathroom door and Kyle was lying on the cold golden floor and clutching his stomach. He looked up and his emerald green jade pine trees in a blender forest evergreen eyes cried, cried on the floor, cried in a puddle around him. He was crying so hard and looked like he was in major pain.

"St… Stan, help… _help_…" Kyle cried and made tears and reached up for Stan and Stan squeezed Kyle's hand and pulled him into his arms and against his bare chest dramatically. Kyle wheezed. "S-something's wrong…"

Stan leaned down and kissed Kyle's delicate Jew forehead delicately and tilted his head back facing the door. "_Kenny_, we need your emergency medical kit!"

"'Kay!" Kenny replied to Stan and he slid through the golden bathroom door, and he gasped when he saw the metaphorical puddle of Kyle in Stan's bare arms. "Oh shit, babycakes, are you okay?"

"Don't call him that, and give us your emergency medical kit that you always carry," Stan demanded really seriously because Kyle was probably going to die, and Kenny rolled his eyes like _bitch please _at Stan's strictness.

"Please? Please is nice, too," Kenny grumbled, crouching to Kyle's level at the golden floor. "And, there's something you should know, I'm a legal doctor now."

"But you're sixteen," Stan was confused so he pointed this out to Kenny but did he forget that when you're sixteen, rules of society no longer apply to you?

"Exactly. Now, Kyle, what's wrong?" Kenny pulled out wire frame glasses from his bottomless pants and now he looked like an educated and sexy doctor and Stan was jealous and also charmed by his sexiness as a doctor. Kyle lifted up his shaking hands that were trembling and vibrating with pain.

"M-my stomach h-hurts, I think, but… b-but it doesn't feel like my s-stomach, and I'm really nauseous, a-and… and I really want toffee cake…" Kyle choked out, and Stan caressed his face in his delicate emo hands that were slightly callused from Stan's years of guitar playing but in a sexy way as Kyle explained his feelings to Doctor Kenny.

Doctor Kenny raised his eyebrows together like he had heard startling news, but both Stan and Kyle were uneducated and clueless. "Kyle, did you have sexual intercourse recently?"

Kyle blinked. "…Yeah?"

Doctor Kenny cleared his educated throat like _zrrrtrztrtzrt_. "Okay, well, uhm. I need to run a few, uh. Tests. Yeah."

"Kenny, what's wrong?" Stan challenged him because he was really tense and nervous about Kyle who he was caressing beside him. Doctor Kenny shook his head no like _zrtztrtr_.

"It's, uh, it's nothing. Really. And please refer to me as Doctor Kenny. Uhm, Stan, why don't… why don't you stand outside the room for a moment? I need to discuss with the patient," Doctor Kenny explained educatedly to Stan and pushed the wire frame glasses up from slipping down his angel miracle nose.

Stan frowned sadly at Doctor Kenny because he did not approve of leaving Kyle alone with him. But it was for Kyle and Doctor Kenny was an official doctor so it was probably the best for Kyle, right? This is what Stan decided so he sighed at Doctor Kenny and gave Kyle a kiss on the face and then stood up and looked back at Doctor Kenny and Kyle one last time before existing the golden bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Doctor Kenny turned to Kyle with a serious expression because now he could be super serious and direct with Kyle about his diagnosis. "Kyle, I'm concerned about your symptoms. I think I need to run some tests."

Kyle trembled and nodded at Doctor Kenny like _zrtzrt_ slowly and painfully because he ached everywhere. He whimpered like a puppy getting strangled. "O-okay. Okay, th-thank… you… owwh…"

Doctor Kenny nodded slowly but this meant that he was nervous and unsure. So he bit his lip and pushed up his wire frame doctor glasses up his miracle nose again. Then he flipped a page of paper around his professional clipboard and clicked his professional pen. "Okay, according to my documents, we'll, uh, start with this test."

Then Doctor Kenny pulled out a box from somewhere that was labeled "PREGNANCY TEST" and had a picture of a rainbow and babies emerging from vaginas and he handed it to Kyle and tried to hide the massive label that read "PREGNANCY TEST". But Kyle took it and turned it over.

"Ken—uh, D-doctor Kenny, th-this is a… pregnancy test. Wh-what the fuck?" Kyle shook with pain and sacredness and terror. Why was Doctor Kenny giving him a pregnancy test, Kyle had a penis and could not deliver children.

Doctor Kenny cleared his throat. "I'm… I'm just curious, Kyle, because you seem to have all of the symptoms. And it makes no sense, but you did just have sex, so…"

Kyle sighed on the cold golden floor and struggled to sit up normally but he was too weak from whatever disease he had so Doctor Kenny helped him sit up and then he did and was in the arms of Doctor Kenny. Kyle cuddled and sunk in Doctor Kenny's medical miracle arms and Doctor Kenny let him because he loved Kyle and he was also the patient.

Then Doctor Kenny picked up the pregnancy test box again and he handed it to Kyle who was in a metaphorical puddle on his lap. And he started to open the box because he knew that Kyle would struggle with this task. "Just pee on this stick, and then knock when you're done and we'll just check to be safe. I'll be right outside."

"Th-thanks…" Kyle moaned against Doctor Kenny's chest fabric. "Doctor…"

Doctor Kenny stroked Kyle's back and then lifted him up from his cuddle puddle on his lap and then handed Kyle the pregnancy test into his hand. "Knock when you're done."

Kyle nodded and then Doctor Kenny took his hands away from Kyle's waist and then Kyle fell forward and lost his balance and then his face crashed against Doctor Kenny's face and then they were suddenly kissing oh my god. Both of their eyes were wide open because they were shocked at the sudden makeout session and Kyle was too weak to move away and Doctor Kenny was too in love with Kyle too push him off so they stood there like that and blinked. Then Doctor Kenny's hands moved up to Kyle's face and then pulled him back like an inch and then stroked his face.

"We can't do this," Doctor Kenny whispered huskily, and Kyle hummed in agreement with Doctor Kenny who smiled. "Take the test."

Kyle nodded against Doctor Kenny's forehead and then he stood Kyle up properly and then pulled his hands away from his effeminate body. Then Doctor Kenny stepped backwards one step and then more and then he went to the golden door behind him and then he left the room and waved slowly at Kyle and then actually left the room.

Stan was outside the room too and leaning against the wall and Kenny who was currently removed of his doctor title leaned beside him and he put his head on Stan's shoulder. And then he sighed against him and Stan sighed with him.

"Is he okay?" Stan asked Kenny and ran fingers through the back of Kenny's blonde hair. Kenny nodded against him.

"Yeah, he's taking a test right now. All should be fine," Kenny sighed and then kissed Stan's cheek and he felt Stan's cheek blush and get warm beneath his faggot lips.

"Kenny…" Stan sighed and nuzzled closer against Kenny's head because he couldn't resist though he wanted to. "We can't do this."

Kenny knew he had heard those words before and then he was about to remember exactly when he had heard those words when suddenly there was a knock at the golden bathroom door and Kenny shot up and ran to the door but not before quickly pecking Stan on the lips. Stan blinked and then Kenny slammed the bathroom door.

"So?" Doctor Kenny who was redeemed of his doctor title asked Kyle. Kyle shrugged and shakily gave the stick that he relieved himself on the Doctor Kenny and he looked at the little thing that it supposed to tell you if you're pregnant and he raised both of his eyebrows because he was very confused.

"Uh… uhm, well, where it's supposed to say either negative or positive has Ryan Seacrest's face instead, so…" Doctor Kenny examined, looking up at Kyle who was terrified. "…that means…"

Then it was like in super slow-motion now, because while Doctor Kenny was ending that sentence, Stan was coming through the door at the same time, and Stan twisted the doorknob and stepped inside and then it was all flashing before everybody's eyes.

"…you're pregnant…" Doctor Kenny announced, gulping and looking at the floor where his metaphorical heart was metaphorically shattered upon.

Stan choked on his saliva when the shocking stunning words left Doctor Kenny's mouth and he froze in his tracks and Kyle jerked his head over to look at his lover and Kyle's emeraldy jade shining shimmering evergreen green forest eyes started to cry with the awful terrifying news and Stan couldn't move and Doctor Kenny was also frozen with shock and depressed. Everybody was silent and then Stan blinked and remembered to breathe like human beings do.

"You're getting an abortion," Stan announced.


	20. Jar of Hearts

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

jar of hearts

_and who do you think you are running around leaving scars collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart_

jar of hearts by christina perri

**authors note: chapter fucking twenty ohmygod arent you all excited and by all i mean the apparently one loyal fan but still even better reasons for an orgy**

**also this chapter is so dramatic you will cry please get tissues for yourself**

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"I CAN'T FUCKING _BELIEVE _YOU!" Kyle shrieked like a woman, mailing a golden lamp to the address of Stan's face. Stan ducked and the golden lamp shattered against the golden bedroom wall behind him and into a million and two pieces around him. "_YOU_ OF _ALL PEOPLE _SHOULD BE FUCKING _SUPPORTIVE_!"

Stan trembled, swaying away from the endless lamps that Kyle was somehow obtaining like a plant. He felt like a total jackass, but his thoughts were also very justified. Stan didn't want to raise a child, that would ruin all of the kinkiness forever. Stan is sixteen. Children would ruin his awesome fucking life forever. But Kyle did not see this logic so he was crushed because Stan fucked him and now wanted the baby he was carrying to get its brains scrambled out with a clothes hanger.

"Kyle-" Stan started to try to attempt to console this outraged whore, but instead got a lamp to the face. "Owwwh, _fuck!_ Stop hurting me, asshole!"

"_I'M_ THE ASSHOLE? _I'M_ THE BEING THE MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE, _STAN_?" Kyle yelled so super loud and then put down the lamp that was currently in his hand and hyperventilated. His face was a vibrant scarlet red like the color of cherries and blood and red things. Then he clenched his Jew fists and ran across the bedroom covered in shards of glass and gold and pinned Stan to the wall with rage.

"_I AM PREGNANT_, WITH _YOUR_ _CHILD_, AND _YOU_ WANT TO FUCKING _ABORT_ IT," Kyle shrieks against Stan's face and starts punching Stan's chest, but that doesn't really effect Stan because Kyle can't punch for shit because he is effeminate. Stan reached out his hands to stop him but then Kyle started punching his hands.

"Ky, hear me out… please…" Stan begged and pleaded like a puppy, leaning closer to Kyle's face to try to seduce him quiet. At first Kyle jerked his face back and snapped his teeth at Stan and kept punching him, but then Stan got closer and closer and then Kyle's punches got slower and slower and then he gave up and started breathing heavily, then he bit his bottom lip to stop the tears approaching.

"Fine, asshole. Talk," Kyle grumbled, glaring at Stan with a furious anger in his eyes. Stan swallowed to start to speak.

"Listen, Kyle… I know this is a pretty huge thing, but neither of us are ready for a baby. We can't deal with this shit, we can't pay for the things it needs-" Stan started to explain but was cut off.

"We have Kenny for money," Kyle stammered all monotone and shit because he was serious.

"-and we can't just live off of other people. How are we supposed to go to college with a kid? And high school? You can't bring the baby to school, and your parents are working, and it'll be too young for a babysitter. Kyle, this is crazy, I can't, I _can't_, I love you, but I can't…" Stan cried, grabbing Kyle's effeminate slender hands in his own hands and squeezing them tightly against his own. Kyle exhaled loudly and then shook his head.

"Stan, I can't fucking do this to a human being," Kyle whimpered, and then clutched his own stomach where the baby was living inside of him now. "This is something we created, it's a mixture of both of us. It's a little version of us. I bet they're so beautiful, Stan, I can see their eyes now… skinny jeans blue with little flecks of emerald evergreen pine trees… their eyes would be like the Earth…"

Stan choked back all of the tears because he was a fucking man. "Kyle, why don't we try again when we're ready…"

"You don't understand, Stan, it's all done, there's a beautiful baby in me right now, and I can't kill it. That's such an awful thing to do…" Kyle let the tears flow down his beautiful pale effeminate cheeks.

"Kyle, it can't even feel anything right now. It's probably this small…" Stan made a really small space between his thumb and index finger. "Just a little bean with no emotions. It would be better for all of us if we ended it here. All of us, including the baby. It would live a pretty tough life."

Kyle cried and shook his head, then he jerked his hands away from Stan and turned his head away. "Fine. Fine, whatever. I'll go kill it. Bye."

Kyle was stomping and storming dramatically out of the golden bedroom door and then Stan blinked and realized that Kyle wasn't there and that he was going to abort the baby and he started to sprint and then he ran out of the golden bedroom. He felt like such a fucking asshole right now. Because he kinda was but he also wasn't. So you can feel bad for him or not, whatever.

"_Kyle!" _Stan screamed dramatically, but then he heard the massive golden doors of their golden presidential suite slam shut. And then he knew that Kyle was already gone and out the doors.

Stan swallowed back tears because he was too manly to cry and then he stopped running once he reached the front doors. He collapsed with depression at the golden floor of the doors. Kenny emerged from the kitchen with a beer in his hand, and stretched his neck to notice that Stan was on the floor.

"Was that Kyle?" Kenny asked Stan from across the room, walking closer to Stan who was in a metaphorical puddle on the floor.

"Nnnnnrrrrmph…." Stan whimpered into the golden floor as an expression of his defeat and sadness. Kenny reached Stan's side and sat down next to his body.

"So why aren't you going after him?" Kenny questioned, taking a chug of beer from the can in his fist. Stan put his chin on the floor so his skinny jeans blue eyes could meet Kenny's chemical cyanide piercing blue eyes.

"B-because I give up. He obviously doesn't want me to follow him," Stan cried, putting his emo hands on top of his emo but not emo black raven hair. Kenny rolled his eyes and put the can of beer in his hand that was now empty onto the golden floor next to him.

"Think what you want, but you know who he's with right now, right?" Kenny sighed, smirking at Stan who was on the floor and confused.

"No…? He's with someone else?" Stan choked, grabbing at his beautiful emo but not emo face. Kenny laughed really hard and pulled out a screen from his bottomless pants. The screen had a video of Kyle in the passenger seat crying in a car with… _Craig_. Stan screamed, grabbing the screen from Kenny's hands and then crying at the video of Kyle. "You _dipshit_, how dare you?"

"If I were you, I would run after him," Kenny shrugged, opening his right hand where Stan returned the screen.

"No shit. You bet I'm going to go after him," Stan snapped, clawing at his head. "I deserve this, anyway. I'm such an ass."

Kenny cooed like a lovestruck pigeon, and then put his hand under Stan's chin. "I don't think you're an ass, Stan. And even if you are, I… I love you."

Stan put his hands back to his own sides and then looked up into Kenny's eyes and gazed into them. Maybe he belonged with Kenny, after all. Maybe it was…

Then Stan realized their lips were brushing and he yanked his head back from Kenny's face. He could never ever control himself around Kenny's irresistible tasty love for him. "Those damn eyes of yours… and that voice… and that… _agh,_ Kenny, I'm no better than him, see?"

"I'm sorry, I should know better too. Fuck," Kenny grumbled, getting to his feet. He ran a miracle angel hand through his shimmering blonde hair and then sighed and started to walk away. Stan shot up to his feet too and then grabbed Kenny's hand to stop him from leaving.

"Hey," Stan cooed. Kenny turned his head to face Stan again. "I love you too."

"What?" Kenny choked, raising an eyebrow at Stan.

"I love you too," Stan repeated, gulping and pressing himself against Kenny's chest. "I love you, Kenny."

Kenny's eyes started to water with miracle tears, and this was incredible because Kenny Motherfucking McKormick never, ever, ever sheds tears ever. But right now he was, because Stan's delicate words had touched him so. He sniffled, squeezing Stan against his body and resting his face against Stan's shoulder.

"I've waited so long to hear that," Kenny cries and it's all muffled against the fabric of Stan's black emo kid shirt. Stan claws at the shoulders of the man he's really always wanted and breathes him in, and then lifts up his head to meet his fucking stunning eyes one on one for like the fifth time in the past five minutes. Then they both got closer and closer and then connected at the lips, and in his sixteen-year-old life, Stan had never felt anything so right in his life ever.


	21. I Gotta Feeling

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

i gotta feeling

_i gotta feeling that tonights gonna be a good night tonights gonna be a good night tonights gonna be a good good night_

i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas

**authors note: SO SOME LOYAL FANS ARE REVEALING THEMSELVES**

_**SOME LOYAL FANS**_

_**SOME**_

**meanwhile ill just keep slaving away for you please help me what did i even get myself into**

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**

Kyle was currently pouting against the window of one of Kenny's black Lamborghinis that Craig was currently driving because he stole it. Craig was driving Kyle to Planned Parenthood to get an abortion after Kyle got on his knees and begged him to do so so he obeyed because Kyle has faggotly hypnotizing powers. So here they were.

Kyle asked Craig because he didn't want to deal with Kenny right now and Tweek was too spazzy and lame and, well, he was doing this for Stan and had to be dramatic so Stan obviously couldn't come. Kyle sighed and looked out the tinted windows of the Lamborghini and outside at the eternal California sunset and palm trees and girls and popsicles melting.

"I'll fucking wait right the fuck outside, okay?" Craig explained to Kyle, and then he parked the Lamborghini right outside the parking lot of Planned Parenthood where Kyle was going to get the abortion that Stan wanted him to get. Kyle whimpered and nodded, rubbing his stomach tenderly. "Outside the fucking room, I mean. I'll come the fuck in with you."

"Thanks, Craig. R-really," Kyle smiled, still staring at his stomach and petting it with tears in his Jewish evergreen foresty eyes.

"Don't fucking mention it," Craig tried to brush off Kyle's super deep and sincere thank you but then he looked into Kyle's forestly evergreen green emerald jade green eyes that were green and his heart was metaphorically caught in his throat. So his attitude faded and he smiled at Kyle. "Really."

Kyle shrugged and smiled, and then got out of the stolen black Lamborghini that rightfully belonged to Kenny while still clutching his stomach protectively and motherly. He smiled down at the baby inside of him for one last second before kicking the door of Kenny's black Lamborghini shut closed and shaking his head. He needed to forget about having a child. He needed to forget that a beautiful, flawless human being was living inside of him and waiting to be exposed to the beautiful California air. It couldn't happen. Stan was right. He was right all along…

"Kyle, you coming?" Craig asked Kyle from a few feet away and he was standing on the sidewalk by the door of Planned Parenthood with his hands buried in his blue wintery jacket pockets even though he was in California what. Kyle nodded and smiled back at Craig, because he just noticed that Craig didn't swear at him. Maybe Craig would be a good friend for him right now in this hard time he was going through.

Kyle swallowed down his sadness and pushed away his thoughts about the baby and pulled his hands away from the gay love child's nesting place underneath his flawless effeminate flesh, and then he cleared his throat and started to walk forward. Kyle was going to get an abortion. Stan was right. It's hardly conscious. He should end this so that he won't have to pressure Stan for the rest of his life. And then he thought about his parents too, oh my god, they didn't even know that he was in California or that he was gay or sixteen and pregnant. Oh well, Kyle figured that this wasn't the time.

Craig pulled open the doors of Planned Parenthood and Kyle nervously squirmed inside, pushing auburn curls outside of his sparkling forest eyes and stepping one foot inside the doors and then the other. He cleared his throat and looked down at his feet that strode timidly across the linoleum abortion clinicy floors and made sounds like _zertrztrt_ with every foot step he took. Then his chest finally hit and collided with the edge of the front desk and so his emerald jade forest pine tree evergreen green eyes drifted up and met with a strange mixture of hazel. He raised his effeminate head up entirely and noticed the woman at the front desk of Planned Parenthood in her glorious entirety.

She had scruffy dark brown hair that was pulled back into the tail of a pony, except for two long strips of hair that were dyed purple and tucked behind her ears. She was wearing a professional suit and and fucking neon green tie with black stripes that went down to her waist it was so long. She also had a mustache and it startled Kyle. Her nametag said "HELLO, MY NAME IS TESS". Tess got a massive descriptive paragraph right there.

"Welcome to Planned Parenthood…" she droned because she was so uninterested in this job because she would rather be studying astrophysics or in Alaska or some bullshit but Kyle didn't know so this is pretty irrelevant. She was holding a pen and she clicked it in her hand repeatedly for an added effect to express her boredom with the situation. And her mustache twitched. "…Sir."

Kyle swallowed and stopped looking at the mustache that he knew was undressing him with his eyes. "Uhm, yes. H-hi. I, uh…"

Kyle trailed off of his little greeting there because he thought about the baby inside of him and hugged himself and then he snapped out of it. But he was still hugging himself. He looked back up at Tess who was raising one eyebrow and she cleared her throat.

"Sir, what do you need?" she grumbled sort of like Craig and Craig looked over like "oh is that me" but then he shook his head because it wasn't him. Kyle pushed a bothersome perfect auburn curl away from his eyes and tucked it behind his ear but it just popped back and he sighed like a teenage girl and stomped his foot.

Then he remembered why he was here and he stopped fussing over his hair.

"Oh, oh, right. Hi there, uh…" he looked at the nametag that was obviously displaying her name. "…Tess. I-I need an… an… n'abortion."

Tess raised her other eyebrow. "A nabortion?"

Kyle sighed like a really pissed off teenage girl and clenched his fists and stomped at the ground and shook his head and his hair was in his eyes and he was pregnant _he wanted to die_. "Ugh, n-no, a… an… an…"

Kyle was choking up because he didn't want to say the word because it would make him think about the beautiful offspring of him and his gay lover and it's Earth eyes looking up at him and sparkling and rotating like the Earth does. And his small hands reaching up and twirling one of Kyle's gingery curls with delicate baby caution. Oh, he was oh so beautiful. So beautiful… how beautiful was he…

"Let me count the ways…" Kyle whispered to himself dreamily and closed his eyes and Tess sat at the front desk of Planned Parenthood like _what the actual fuck_. She cleared her throat to get Kyle's fucking attention and he broke out of his Fantasy Land and looked back at Tess but not her mustache. But the mustache looked at Kyle. "Uh. Uh, oh geez, I'm sorry."

"Sir, you're wasting my time. _What_ do you need?" Tess grumbled, twirling a side of her mustache with her finger. Kyle trembled and he looked at the floor as the mustache eyefucked his delicate, smooth body. Kyle rubbed the back of his neck with his hand because he was really tense and nervous. Meanwhile, Craig was kicking a soda machine over and over and over and it responded like _zzzrtrztzr_ because Craig didn't have any money on him and he was thirsty. But they didn't hear this racket he was causing.

Then Kyle remembered for like the fourth time why he was here. He swallowed. _Come on, Kyle, just tell the nice human why you're here… _

he thought to himself, and bit his soft bottom lip. He could do this. It was for Stan and their beautiful buttsex result. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms in a surprisingly heroic and manly stance.

"I n-need an _abortion_!" he forced out of his lips, and then hyperventilated after saying it because oh my god he just got rid off all that pressure. So much pressure that Tweek would have just not been able to endure such pressure. Kyle clawed at his face like an anxious member of the feline family.

Tess raised the eyebrow she wasn't raising earlier and put the other one that she was raising down. "Uhm, _sir_… how are you pregnant?"

Kyle laughed, did she not know how babies were created? Dumb bitch. "Uh, my boyfriend fucked me," he rolled his eyes like _bitch please_. And then he muttered really softly, "Duh."

Tess put her face in her hand because she was pretty tired of this bullshit every day. "You're male, right? You have a penis?"

Kyle nodded slowly. "Yes."

Tess looked up and gave Kyle a Kanye West shrug. "Then it is completely impossible for you to be carrying a child. Where would it even grow? And where would it come out? Your ass?"

Kyle looked down at the abortiony tile and pouted with his lower lip dejectedly. His kind clearly was not accepted around these parts. And he thought this was California. He was a fool. "I know I'm pregnant. I have this friend who is a doctor. He diagnosed me. And, I can feel it inside of me. I can feel the little feet kicking right now…"

"When did you and your… boyfriend… partake in intercourse?" Tess asked, with her sweaty palm on her forehead because she was so frustrated right now at Kyle's fuckery.

Kyle beamed like the California eternal sunset. "Last night."

"Then you wouldn't feel it kicking, dumbass. It isn't even… you can't even be pregnant, even if you were a female, I just don't have time for dealing with this bullshit," she grumbled like Craig and Craig looked over again from kicking the soda machine but then was like "oh nope still isn't me" and resumed his kicking. Tess pulled out a clipboard and flung it at Kyle and pushed the board with a clip all up in his face and didn't look at him. "Fill this out and go into the office."

Kyle rubbed the side of his effeminate head sensually. "Thank you…"

Then Kyle walked away from the front desk and so he turned his nice body around to face Craig who had his arm shoved up the soda machine but like the hole where the soda bottles come out from. He gave Kyle the "'sup" nod and moved his hand around a little bit and then he pulled his arm out and he was holding a bottle of Mr. Pibb.

"Motherfucker," Craig hissed at the Mr. Pibb. "Who the fuck drinks this anymore."

Kyle shrugged really slightly and then he looked up at Craig's totally plain and boring blue eyes. He sighed like _zrzrttrztzt_. "Come on, I'm getting the abortion now."

Craig stopped telling off the can of Mr. Pibb and looked up at Kyle's trippy green evergreen emerald jade eyes. "Oh. Fuck. Okay, you fucking go ahead, I'll be right out here. If you need anything, y'know…"

Kyle nodded sweetly at Craig because he understood him and he was a good replacement for Stan.

…Replacement for Stan… who was he kidding, Stan was such a glorious human being. Even though he was the one who…

"Kyle Broflovski?" A doctor conveniently interrupted his train of thought like _choo-choo motherfucker_ and he was also holding a clipboard because if you are intelligent, you hold a clipboard. This goes down with common knowledge such as everybody wears black Converse and everyone is gay and when you are sixteen you are God.

Kyle looked up at the doctor's gross doctor-like brown eyes and nodded to respond to him that Kyle was his name and he was Kyle. "Mhhmm."

"I see. Uh, come on, it's abortion time," the doctor gestured behind him into a very menacing hallway full of dim flickery lights and abortiony tiled floors. Kyle trembled and looked to Craig for distant security and Craig gave Kyle a thumbs-up, well, he tried to. Meaning that it was originally the finger but he slowly put that down and contorted his hand sideways and slowly moved the thumb upwards as the doctor stood there. And he gave Kyle the thumbs-up but wore the same face he would have if he was flipping Kyle off.

Kyle swallowed the saliva in his throat, rising from the blue chair he was seated in and slowly walking towards the doctor and the scary hallway. He got one last little look at Craig's totally stupid blue eyes.

And all he thought about as he went into the abortion room were how beautiful Stan's eyes were.


	22. Baby

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

baby

_and i was like baby baby baby oh baby baby baby no thought you'd always be mine, mine_

baby by justin bieber

**authors note: FUCK THIS SERIOUSLY**

**but to the person who drew the fanart, you are the first person invited to the mass orgy because dear god it was ****beautiful**

**okay**

**

* * *

**

Kenny had Stan pinned to the golden wall.

Stan could feel Kenny's totally exhausted angel miracle breath tickle his face and breathe his soft warmth all over his emo-but-not face. Stan giggled because he was the bottom, and then Stan slithered down against the wall behind him like a snake because he was losing the control of the things that control his balance. Legs. He couldn't control his legs when Kenny was seducing him like that. Stan's tight ass hit the ground and so Kenny closed in on him like a puma.

"I will _devour_ you," Kenny purred into Stan's sensitive ear, and then he shoved his hand up into and under Stan's two layers of clothing which were recently a black v-neck and a plaid flannel because he was suddenly enamored with flannels over v-necks so this was what Stan wore. Stan shuddered under Kenny and Stan's head slid down and hit the ground and now he was on the floor and Kenny was sitting on top of him. He pointed an angel finger at Stan. "But not here. Ground's cold."

Stan groaned defiantantly because he really wanted to fuck on the floor and he also didn't want to move. So he wrapped his arms around Kenny's neck and let out a long moan of disapproval. "But we fucked on the sand…"

Kenny laughed really softly at this and smiled this amazingly brilliant smile that exposed all of his teeth and Stan swooned beneath him. "That's sand, not a cold floor made of gold."

Stan hissed like a cat. "I don't want to move…"

Kenny's smile went away to go do something but then it came right back onto his face and it was huge and suggestive. "You don't have to," Kenny slurred with his tongue and he slid his hands under Stan's torso and ass and then he lifted him up into his arms bridal style and Stan squealed because he was never treated like this by anybody ever. Except Kenny.

Stan giggled like a teenage girl which he was not but he was a faggot so I guess that was close enough and he buried his face into the chest of Kenny, who was carrying Stan like he was a present. Because… Stan was a present…?

Okay, but Kenny burst through the doors of a golden guest room that was never spoken of and he kicked open the doors with his feet and with Stan securely stationed in his arms. Then he strode on over to the golden bed in the middle of the room and he dropped Stan on his ass but it didn't hurt because it was a mattress. Then before Stan could open the eyes that he had closed upon colliding with the mattress, Kenny viciously pinned Stan to the golden mattress and he snarled with his teeth like an animal.

Stan squealed with happiness and other synonyms of pleasure under Kenny's angel miracle body. And then after all the moaning and squirming and biting they both eventually stripped completely naked and Kenny was just about to penetrate Stan who was horny as fuck but then suddenly Kenny stopped in his movements and Stan hissed with disappointment under him.

"W-wh… why did you stop…" Stan breathed all sad, tilting his head back and looking into Kenny's cyanide blue chemical eyes with sadness. Kenny bit his lip because something was very wrong.

"Kyle is in the elevator," Kenny blurted, and it must have been his human GPS system that was programmed inside of him that was talking. "He's in the elevator on the way up here, Stan… and with Craig…"

Stan stopped panting and moaning and he turned his torso around so he was like facing Kenny. "O-oh. Oh, shit, we—"

Then Kenny pulled out his portable screen imagery that was currently tracking Kyle with satellite video recording surveillance technology, and he handed it to Stan who raised a single ravenly eyebrow as his skinny jeans denim blue eyes took in the visual images that were displaying in front of him.

Inside of the golden elevator, Craig had Kyle in his warm but boring embrace and he was… he was _kissing_ Kyle. Stan hissed and growled and clenched his teeth shut. But Kyle promised Stan that he would control himself! Kyle told him that he would stop whoring around behind Stan's back, right when Stan caught him making out with...

Stan's skinny jeans denim blue eyes drifted up from the visual screen and they met the pair of concerned chemical cyanide electric blue eyes looking down at him.

...Kenny.

Stan's emotions suddenly all changed to super duper sad and depressed, and they metaphorically crashed into him like a metaphorical train. Stan had made Kyle promise that he'd stop making out with other faggots that weren't him, and made him promise when he caught Kyle in the very arms of the man that Stan's naked body was pressed up against, the man who had stolen his virginity like a shoplifter but not really because Stan wanted it, he let Kenny do this to him, he... _enjoyed_ it. Being in a physical relationship with Kenny opened thousands of metaphorical windows to sixteen-year-old Stan, because Kenny was this flawless angel sent before him who metaphorically opened the doors of sex and homosexuality to him and made him feel feelings; feelings that wouldn't be possible to feel with anyone else who tried to make him feel those feelings.

Stan's pale hands slid across Kenny's chest with one final stroke and then away from his naked body, and then Stan rubbed his denim jeans cerulean blue eyes that were glistening with the sad formation of tears inside of them. He pulled his hands away and gazed back up into the delicate angel face of Kenny and he leaned in real close, so that the movement of his lips would just very barely brush the surface of Kenny.

"What are we doing..." Stan breathed against Kenny's mouth, letting the tears come from his eyes and when they came down they came everywhere. Kenny sighed almost peacefully and shook his head with synonyms of sadness and when he did his lips grazed across Stan's. He lifted a miracle hand to Stan's face and rubbed the sparkling tears away with his flawless, caring finger.

"I know you don't want this," Kenny hummed, and inhaled oxygens to begin his super touching romantic speech. "As much as you convince yourself you don't sometimes, you really do love Kyle, Stan. Maybe we are two different individuals, and maybe we both have different qualities that you're attracted to, but a part of me knows that you will never love me like you love Kyle. You don't need to prove to anyone how much you love him because I can see it, Stan... I see it when you look at him, I see it when you talk to him, I see it when you pick him up by the waist and spin him around your golden bedroom while your song plays through the walls..."

Kenny sniffled because, holy _fuck_, Kenny Motherfucking McCormick was crying.

"Listen, Stan, my point is that you need to stop doing this to yourself. Even though I've taken your virginity, even though we've broken romantic boundaries that you and Kyle have yet to cross, you don't love me. And it's not just hurting yourself, it's not just hurting Kyle, i-it... it hurts _me_. I love you, Stan, and for your own sake I'm going to stop you from trying to return my feelings for you. I've never felt so alive, being with you... but I just feel filthy. Every thrust I make is one less you'll make into Kyle. And..." Kenny wiped his own teardrops and cupped Stan's silent crying face in his angel palms. "...he doesn't deserve to feel that way. He's miles weaker than me, he can't take that emotional damage, and _that's_ why he went to Craig, that's why he went to _me. _His intentions are never to hurt you, it's just him struggling to find something to relieve all of the heartbreak you're causing him, maybe unknowingly. And I think that's why you're with me right now. It's not because you love me."

Kenny reluctantly and slowly took his hands away from Stan's precious face that was wet with teardrops, and he inhaled softly again. "It's because you love Kyle."

Stan broke down and shook his head because he felt so stupid for being such a jackass to the incredible sex god that was Kyle Abraham Broflovski, he felt stupid for letting Kenny have his way with him just for the pleasure. The epiphany came to Stan metaphorically bloodily and painfully and he pawed around desperately for the screen containing the image of Kyle and he grabbed the side and jerked it into his arms. There was Kyle, he could see his marmalade ginger effeminate curls framing his face and his jawline and bouncing with his footsteps. They were running through the spaces between Craig's fingers. Stan growled and his heart felt like it was being squeezed. But he looked past that right now.

Because he heard the key that was actually a card and belonged to Craig because Kyle wasn't given one slide through the slider lock on the hotel room door, and his heart metaphorically stopped because if not he would die, and he looked at Kenny like a deer in some bright lights who had the same face. Kenny leaned over and he hurled Stan's clothes that Stan was previously wearing at Stan's face with panic and he caught them with panic.

"Run to the bathroom and change into those," Kenny demanded super fast while shoving on boxers and a t-shirt and grabbing a nearby beer that was conveniently nearby to him and he nudged Stan off the bed. "I've got you covered."

Then they both stood up from the bed super fast and Stan covered himself as he did so, but before he left the room he heard Kenny's angelic cherubic voice harmoniously and melodically calling out to him. "Oh, and Stan?"

Stan turned around.

"I'm sorry," Kenny said, but with a fake, regretful smile that pained Stan to look at because it was all Stan's fault, he was such an asshole. Stan swallowed the saliva in his mouth with a gulp and opened his mouth to answer his temporary lover that was apparently an illusion, but before any words could leave his mouth Kenny had already left the room and he left a cold breeze behind his trail. He was so angelic. Stan blinked, and then heard the click of the door and he jolted to the bathroom and slammed the golden door closed.

Stan could hear Kyle and Craig's and Kenny's voices from behind the golden door as he frantically put on his skinny denim jeans like his eyes, and then he turned on the golden faucet so that Kenny's plan would be more believable for Kyle. And so he let the cold water burst and spew out of the sink like _zrztrztrtzrtz_ as he slid on his black v-neck shirt, and he heard Kyle wheezing and heard him starting to sob and cry and bawl and Stan clutched at his heart that was in pain because Kyle was and they beat and lived in harmony harmony oh love.

So, Stan got his shit together and inhaled and exhaled and then he turned off the faucet in the bathroom and then he put his pale hand on the doorknob. He gulped, sniffling because of the tears and then exhaling but all shakily. And then he opened the golden door of the master bathroom fully clothed and turned off the lights behind him, and then he stepped forward nervously and painfully in many way but primarily emotionally.

The first thing that Stan's eyes saw was Kyle's beautiful, beautiful face turned away from him and toward Craig, and Kenny lounging on the couch and chugging the beer that was on the floor of the guest room. He walked forward a little more and everything around him was in slow motion time pace speed. As his bare foot moved across the floor of solid gold, one of his footsteps squeaked super super quietly but Kyle could hear it because of his unspoken of connection with Stan, and then super super slowly, Kyle's head started to turn towards the direction of Stan's position and as he turned his head his emerald evergreen jade forest eyes started to turn to him, and Stan thought he was going to die from the anticipation in his head.

And then Kyle was facing him. He never looked so beautiful.

Stan blinked, he was standing and he was looking at Kyle who had red bloodshot tear-stained eyes that were looking at him from across the golden living room with disappointment or heartbreak or some synonym of that and his marmalade ginger auburn curls bounced and curled around his peachy flesh and in the wet portions from tears there were curls that stuck to the wet parts. Stan's heart caught in his throat, because the sight of Kyle was just so gorgeous and he never saw him look so incredible and for who he really was and he let warm tears silently pour out of his eyes as he walked closer to Kyle. Kyle had his hands on his stomach still reminded of the baby and then he saw Stan crying and he started to hurt too and he hesitated to walk closer to Stan too, and then Stan sprinted and collided into him and squeezed him against him like it was the last time he would ever hold him like that.

"I-I'm so sorry... K-kyle, I... I'm such a monster..." Stan cried against Kyle and Kyle squeezed Stan back and he cried into Stan's neck and shook his head.

"N-no, Stan, I am... it's all my fault, I..." Kyle paused to swallow and he loosened his squeeze and Stan did too and Kyle lifted his beautiful effeminate face to look at Stan and he was reminded that he really loves this boy. He started to open his mouth again to continue but Stan smashed his lips against Kyle's and shook his head to let him know that he didn't need to say anything more. But Kyle wanted to so he moaned for a second and then pulled away.

"But-" Stan kissed him again. "I-" Again. "cheated- baby- we- should- go- somewhere- else-"

Then Stan stopped attacking Kyle with lip collision and he lifted him up by the Jewish waist and he carried Kyle bridal style into their bedroom, and Kyle giggled while crying out of happiness.

And Craig looked down at Kenny, who was watching the two of them kick the door shut and hear their cries of happiness and then Craig sat next to Kenny on the golden couch and Kenny looked over at Craig who was already looking at Kenny and he was drinking that same beer.

"They're really fucking in love, aren't they?" Craig observed and this was a true fact and he told this to Kenny, and Kenny nodded with the beer in his angel miracle hand. He moved a strand of beautiful angel platinum hair away from his chemical eyes.

"You have no idea, Craig," Kenny sighed _almost_ peacefully and he tilted his beer toward Craig, who at first raised a boring eyebrow but then he took a sip of Kenny's beer and swallowed.

"You have no idea..."


	23. Born This Way

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

**born this way **

_im beautiful in my own way cause god makes no mistakes im on the right track baby i was born this way_

born this way by lady gaga

**authors note: HOLLLAAAA FAGGOTS  
KEEP ON LOVING I'LL KEEP ON GIVING **

* * *

It was dinner time now, because the time in which you eat dinner usually always comes every day. So this was something they couldn't avoid and everybody was super really hungry now. All their stomachs were growling and snarling like if you made an animal frustrated. They were hungry. Everyone just chilled on the golden couch right now and watched the same rerun of Barney and Friends while their stomachs garbled like _zrzrtztrtrt_.

Kyle was leaning against Stan on the left side who was leaning against Kenny who was against Craig who was against Tweek who does still exist actually and they all sat there in a cuddle puddle of hunger and unsatisfaction.

"This is a problem," Stan announced to everyone, because Stan always announces when there's a serious conflict happening. His raven hair, black like the sleek feathers of a raven, fluttered in front of his eyes but then he gracefully flipped it away and revealed his stunning blue eyes that matched the exact color of his denim skinny blue jeans. Kyle swooned beside him and bit his bottom lip.

Kenny nodded at Stan's announcement and tightened his lock around Stan's arm with his own, and then he pulled a beer can up to his lips because Kenny Motherfucking McCormick was always drinking beer always. Then he put the beer back down and slid against Stan tighter.

"We can always go out to eat," Kenny suggested but totally casually and cool. He also inhaled. "Making Kyle cook in his condition probably isn't a good idea."

Kyle huffed effeminately when Kenny said "in his condition" because Kyle was perfectly fine as a matter of fact, even though he had sharp objects up his ass recently and his organs twisted around and a human being taken out of him, in Kyle's evergreen green jade eyes he thought he was totally and completely fine. But actually no, he wasn't and he was weaker than he usually is. Because he's incredibly weak what with the effeminate qualities and the Jewishness and the diabetes flowing through his slender veins.

"I-I'm _fine_, thank you," Kyle harrumphed and he crossed his arms against Stan. "I just don't feel like cooking. But I'm totally healthy. This isn't about my health at all. No, sir."

"It's okay, baby, I wouldn't let you cook tonight anyhow," Stan cooed like a lovestruck pigeon and smooched Kyle's peachy Jew cheek with his tender emo lips. "You need to take it easy..."

Kyle nodded and sighed all dreamily in Stan's arms and Kenny grumbled and looked up at Craig from Kenny's head's place on his shoulder now. Craig's boring blue eyes drifted over and saw Kenny and Craig sighed.

"Craig, you got anywhere special in mind?" Kenny questioned and grinned against Craig's shoulder. Craig grumbled like an old man but he wasn't and then he flipped Kenny off because Kenny was being a gay homosexual and also annoying.

"No, I fucking don't. I don't really fucking care where the fuck we eat. I just want some fucking food," Craig hissed and sighed and groaned and watched that same episode of Barney and Friends. In this one, the kids are sad because they can't count but then Barney comes to life and he sings a song about counting and misplaces the number two for a triangle. Craig especially was a fan of this episode.

"Well, you guys, we have to eat somewhere or we'll all die on this couch from hunger," Kenny stammered because he was the boss and then he inhaled to claim his place as the boss again. "Except for me, who will just be resurrected with angel wings but you guys will all die."

Tweek fucking screamed. "I-I DON'T _WANT TO DIE!_" he yelled like someone had a fucking gun to his head because in Tweek's eyes someone always had a metaphorical gun to his head. Tweek had a sad life of sad.

Craig clamped his hand over the mouth of Tweek and Tweek bit him as a panicky scared reflex, but Craig still kept his hand there like the man that he is to get Tweek to shut the fuck up and stop his screaming, and then Tweek finally started to breath and he stopped screaming. Then everybody was all at peace again and Craig turned his head an his attention to Kenny again. Kenny raised an eyebrow and nodded.

"Right, so... where are we going to eat?" Kenny asked for the fourth time or something and leaned back against the golden couch and Stanley.

Stan shrugged and pretended to watch Barney and Friends in front of him but he was really watching Kyle. "I don't know... you, Kyle?"

Kyle shrugged and hummed cluelessly because he was clueless. Kenny groaned super frustrated.

"You indecisive bitches, _fine_, we're all going to T.G.I. Friday's, then," Kenny threw his angelic arms up into the air and then he crossed them across his chest and the four of them looked away from Barney and Friends and at Kenny. "Deal with it."

The four of them shrugged, and Stan's shrug was the best.

"Eh, whatever. At least it's food. I am so hungry, I could eat Kyle," Stan smirked devilishly like Satan and then he leaned over to Kyle and showed his teeth and growled at Kyle and Kyle giggled like a little bitch and Stan tackled him and growled and purred on top of Kyle on the couch.

"H-hah! St-stan, you... heheh... you asshole, get _off!" _Kyle shrieked and giggled and Stan kept pawing at him like an animal. Kenny and Craig rolled their eyes and Tweek was hyponotized by Barney and Friends.

"Okay, uh, you guys..." Kenny grumbled angrily at Stan and Kyle because they were being touchy-feely lovey-dovey faggot-maggots. "That's enough."

Stan coughed out a few more amused laughs at himself because he thought he was so funny and awesome to Kyle and Kyle contained his giggles and Stan stopped touching him and they both sat up like normal people. "Okay, sorry, Kenny."

"Anyway," Kenny cleared his throat like a fucking man. "I guess we should all get ready before we die."

"Fucking sounds like a fucking plan," Craig nodded but was still apathetic and uncaring and just generally not giving a fuck about anything. Kenny smirked at Craig's attitude, because Craig's attitude turned on Kenny in every right way. He slid over to Craig's side of the couch and seized his hand with his hand-seizing powers and stood up and brought Craig with him up to his feet off the golden couch. Craig raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck."

"Come on, let's get ready," Kenny slurred and turned on his seductive seducing switch power and Craig went wide-eyed at Kenny's amazingly sexy angel voice. And then he let Kenny pull him by the arm into Craig and Tweek's room while Kyle and Stan strode to their bedroom, and Tweek sat alone on the gold couch because he was still fascinated and hypnotized with Barney and Friends.

When Kenny wheeled Craig into his bedroom he kicked the golden door closed and then yanked open Craig's golden drawer of his clothing clothes. "Well, well, well... what should you wear..."

Craig blinked and rubbed his eyes. "K-kenny, what the fuck are you fucking doing-"

"_We're_ getting ready, _Craig_. I told you," Kenny smiled teasingly and started digging through Craig's clothes like _zrztzrttzrt_ and humming an uplifting song to himself.

"No, I fucking mean, what the fuck are you doing in my fucking drawer and with me and what the _fuck_?" Craig asked a question to Kenny but the platinum blonde angel just kept on digging in the drawer and humming like _zztrtztztr_.

Kenny pulled out a black shirt that said "I KNOW WHAT BOYS LIKE" and then a black and white checkered flannel out of the drawer. "A-ha, perfect."

"Kenny, fucking seriously, why the fuck are you doing this?" Craig hissed and grumbled and spat.

Kenny smirked like he was Satan, and he was pretty fucking close but anyway he looked like the devil and then he strode across the room to Craig and then while he was still smiling, shoved the clothes against Craig's chest and then his smile faded and turned to a defensive kitten snarl.

"Listen, Craig," Kenny put a finger under Craig's chin. "You were fucking around with Kyle today."

Craig scoffed and shoved Kenny's finger away from his boring apathetic chin. "Are you fucking serious? Kyle came the fuck over and fucking begged me to go with him."

Kenny lowered his eyebrows. "Maybe so, but he didn't fucking beg you to make out with him in the elevators, did he?"

Craig froze and for the first time in like forever, looked like he actually gave a shit. "D-did that little bitch fucking tell you?"

"No, not a word," Kenny chirped, then he grabbed the sides of Craig's face threateningly. "But you seem to forget I am a motherfucking rich, immortal angel."

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?" Craig spat. Kenny smirked, and he reached into his bottomless pants and pulled out the visual individual locater tracker system screen, and it had an image of Kenny and Craig doing what they were doing right now. Craig's eyebrows went up in disbelief at Kenny's amazingness and he touched the screen.

"Smile, Craig," Kenny taunted all scarily. "I can see _everything."_

Craig gulpswallowed and nodded at Kenny, who smiled like the antichrist again and dropped the screen onto the golden floor and he let that shatter everywhere. He grabbed Craig's face in his hand and pressed his nose against his threateningly.

"Why the fuck were you kissing Kyle?" Kenny challenged, shoving Craig against the golden walls and steaming with rage and fury.

"W-why the fuck are you so fucking mad about it? Are you... are you fucking _jealous_?" Craig snapped, and Kenny exhaled slowly and stopped clenching his teeth for a second. Was he jealous? Or was he just protecting Kyle and Stan? If he really did want Stan, he should just let Craig run away with Kyle. But he loves Kyle, too, and letting Craig do that would hurt Stan and also Kenny because Kyle would be with Craig. Everything was so fucking complicated around here. Kenny got back to the question at hand.

"N-no. No, dude, he's my f-friend, and... and I'm just worried, you know..." Kenny trembled and grabbed for excuses but he couldn't avoid it, because the truth that he was unaware of was that he _was totally _jealous of Craig and anyone who gets Kyle.

"You're fucking jealous. I can read you like a fucking book, McCormick," Craig scoffed and sighed because he was so tired of this bullshit.

"Did... did he kiss you, or did you..." Kenny found himself asking, and Craig sighed and shrugged.

"He was fucking freaking out, because the abortion was pretty fucking traumatic, and he kept fucking crying about how he was losing the love of his life and he was so fucking glad I came with him and then the next thing I fucking remember is us attached at the fucking lips. I feel fucking shitty about it enough, Kenny," Craig explained and groaned and sighed. "You don't have to tell me it was fucking wrong, because I fucking know. I was hurting Tweek with this too, if he fucking cares."

"So you didn't want it?" Kenny asked, keeping his nose pressed against Craig's.

"Well, I mean, who the fuck wouldn't, but I just didn't want to fucking deal with the emotional shitstorm it would fucking trigger," Craig sighed, his boring solid blue eyes gazing straight into Kenny's capturing chemical cyanide electric blue eyes. "Like this."

Kenny nodded against Craig's face. "I get you," he sighed, smirking and tilting his head. "Y'know, I know underneath your 'I don't give a fuck' attitude, you're just a huge softie."

Craig gulped and he felt his face going red and he could feel Kenny's hot angel breath in his parted lips. "W-well, fuck."

"Am I right?" Kenny purred and grinned, running his fingers down Craig's pale cheeks. "The cool thing about us doing this is..."

Kenny leaned forward, the surface of his lips grazing ever-so carefully with modified angelic caution against Craig's own. "We won't hurt anyone..."

Craig closed in the last few centimeters of space between him and Kenny, and Kenny invited him to do so with open lips. The connection they made was full of magic and an intense fever of homoerotic passion overcame them both and they moaned beneath the pressure of love.


	24. Ms New Booty

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

**ms. new booty**

_booty booty booty booty rockin everywhere booty booty booty booty rockin everywhere booty booty booty booty rockin everywhere_

ms new booty by bubba sparxxx and ying yang twins

**authors note: you know what it's cool i don't need multiple reviews i like getting one even though i am your eternal slave  
but yeah man it's totally cool just come and read and bail and i'll just sit here fueled by gogurt and assorted crackers and just **

**_help me_**

* * *

_Zzrtrtzrztrzt. _

Stan knocked on the golden bedroom door of Craig and Tweek's bedroom, where actually Tweek wasn't located in if you forgot but it was just Kenny and Craig, making suspicious noises from the other side of the gold. There was no real answer when he knocked the first time, just some weird shuffling shuffles, so he knocked again and sighed all impatiently.

"Are you guys ready?" Stan asked all bitchily and was wearing a black v-neck shirt with a picture of a cow skull on it and some skinny jeans that went perfect with his amazing eyes and then he wore a dark gray jacket over it but didn't zip it, because he was so fucking cool. Kyle stood behind Stan in a green t-shirt that said "milkshake" on the front and he clung to Stan's arm. But the arm that Stan wasn't using to knock, obviously though.

Stan was getting super impatient with Kenny and Craig right now so he knocked like fifty times as hard as before on the surface of the gold door and he groaned and flicking the ravenly raven hair from his beautiful skinny jeans blue cerulean sapphire eyes.

Then, so suddenly that Kyle was startled, the gold door flung open and Kenny stood with his platinum blonde angel hair all disheveled and messy and with his hand on his hip all dominantly and Craig stood behind him and he looked all shocked and out of it. Kenny threw his hand up and stumbled.

"W-we're _ready!_ Ain't we, Craig?" Kenny almost slurred like he was drunk, and actually he probably was considering he was always holding a beer, but he could also be drunk on love or something cliché like that. He put an arm around Craig's waist and Craig slowly nodded his head and stared like directly in front of him all shocked. "Damn straight. Alright, fags, we ready to get this party started?"

Kenny started thrusting with excitement and Stan and Kyle raised an eyebrow at each other.

"Kenny, it's just T.G.I. Friday's. Not like... a club or something," Stan stated and pointed out because this was something he frequently did. Kenny lowered his eyebrows at Stan like _oh you bitch _because Stan totally ruined his buzz because he states the obvious too often.

"Shut the fuck up, Stan. We're in California. Y-you need..." Kenny slid over to Stan and he put his chin on Stan's shoulder and poked him in the chest and on the cow skull pattern with his angelic miracle finger. "Y'need to live it up, Stan_leeey_."

"I know, I was just saying-" Stan started to say and like explain himself or some shit, but Kenny put a single angel finger to Stan's supple lips which Kenny had explored oh so many times before. Stan went red in the face because he was blushing now because Kenny was invading his personal space bubble.

"Ssshh, don't speak," Kenny whispered, pulling away his finger and ever so slowly and delicately moving towards Stan's face. Stan blinked and was hypnotized by Kenny's blue cyanide chemical eyes and let Kenny move in closer to him.

Then Kyle saw this and grabbed the sides of Stan's face and moved him away from Kenny and facing Kyle now. Stan cleared his throat.

"Come on, _baby,_ we should get _going_," Kyle hissed like an overprotective jealous effeminate boyfriend which he was and he puckered his effeminate Jewish lips and waited for Stan to kiss them.

Then Stan got out of his Kenny hypnotization phase daze and he looked into the emerald jade evergreen green eyes of Kyle Broflovski, and quickly kissed his awaiting lips but just long enough to satisfy Kyle so he would quit his bitchery. And so he did exactly so.

"Yeah, let's get going," Stan smiled down upon his delicate Jewish boyfriend who he was so proud of for one last moment and then he looked back up at Kenny and Craig. But, wait, dude. Someone was missing. Oh shit. "Where's Tweek?"

Kenny looked over at Craig and they both shrugged and shook their heads. "I'unno. He could still be on the-"

Then Stan knew what Kenny was going to say for the last word of his sentence and he nodded and pointed at Kenny with both of his fingers. "_Couch. _Right."

So then Stan went over to the golden couch where the five faggoteers were sitting and chilling around like twenty minutes ago in Californian time because that was where Tweek probably was. And when Stan reached the couch, Tweek was there. Kyle followed right behind his damn sexy boyfriend like he was Stan's shadow or some shit. When Stan saw Tweek and stopped walking, Kyle wrapped his arms around Stan's midsection all lovingly and in a silent way of saying _give me some fucking attention_.

"Tweek, we're go- _Ky, _not right now... we'll have time later," Stan groaned behind him and Kyle sunk into him all guiltily and he looked up at Stan with longing eyes like a longing puppy dog who longed for lovings from his emo boyfriend.

"But, Stanny... it's been like _two hours_," Kyle moaned, running his hands down Stan's back. "Two hours with no love..."

"Kyle, I kissed you like ten fucking seconds ago. Jesus _Christ_," Stan complained, shaking his head and rubbing Kyle's head of curly redhead ginger auburn curly locks nonchalantly and casually and looking at Tweek now while still petting Kyle like a puppy, because that was what he fucking was, a needy puppy who wouldn't shut the fuck up about not getting attention ever. Ever since the pregnancy and then the abortion, Kyle has been so fucking high maintenance like holy _shit. _"Tweek, it's time for T.G.I. Friday's."

Tweek had been entraced and lost within the bottomless hypnotizing void that was Barney and Friends this whole time now, and with the sound of Stan's impatient voice that broke the hypnotized daze spell that he was the victim too, and with a startled scream he crashed against the golden floor.

"Drop it to the _floor_, spaz!" Kenny entered the room and slurred with his laughter and also slapped his knee because that comment was knee-slap worthy. He threw his face onto Craig's shoulder and nudged his cheek against his because oh my god he was so drunk.

Stan removed his hand from Kyle's head and moved to help Tweek off of the cold golden ground and Tweek whimpered in pain from the impact like _zrztrtrztr_ and let Stan pick him up heroically because Stan was a heroic man and he lifted Tweek up to his feet. Tweek looked up at his elegant hero with grateful warm coffee eyes, and Stan smiled welcomely at Tweek and Tweek almost forgot to twitch.

Then Stan turned away from Tweek and Tweek was brought back into real life and he walked up to Stan and Kyle and Craig and Kenny followed close behind and the five faggoteers stood in a circle in the middle of the glorious golden presidential luxury suite at the renowned Sex on the Beaches Hotel.

Kenny put his hands on his angel hips and thrusted to the side. "Alright, bitches, let's go out on the town."

And then they went out on the town.


	25. ET

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE  
**E.T.

_kiss me k-k-kiss me infect me with your love and fill me with your poison_

e.t. by katy perry

**author's note: ...**

**

* * *

**

The five faggoteers were all headbanging to the radio station in Kenny's black Lamborghini and it was some station playing like screamo or some shit or they were all rocking the fuck out. Kyle giggled because headbanging and rocking the fuck out is too much for his effeminate self. He looked at Stan and smiled and Stan smiled too. They had a bonding moment as they all went to T.G.I. Friday's.

T.G.I. Friday's in California is not only a family restaurant, but also a nightclub and part gay bar. The place was like a mile wide and long. So in California if you were looking for a good homosexual rave experience, and also mozzarella sticks, you went to T.G.I. Friday's. And to end their fourth day at California this is exactly what our fags were going to do.

Kenny is driving drunk right now which is unusual because the black Lamborghini secretly named Stan has autopilot and GPS, so this usually means Kenny doesn't want to talk to people or something. But he let Craig sit in the passenger seat. "Let" of course meaning "dragged by the collar". Craig flipped him off and dropped millions of F-bombs per second. Like, like how hummingbirds beat their wings really fast per tenths of a second but the wings beating is Craig swearing. Like that. It was intense, like _zrztrtzrtrz._

So Kenny drove drunk and stared directly ahead at the California skyline that they were driving through because sometimes, very rarely, it's not eternally sunset in California, and if you happen to be blasting screamo music in a black Lamborghini while traveling intoxicated to T.G.I. Friday's you break the eternal sunset curse and it becomes night for like six hours. Kenny is smart because he is an angel from both Heaven and Hell.

Then, with aid from Kyle's travel and locomotionary directions, they all got to T.G.I. Friday's and cheered and high-fived as they were pulling into the parking lot and Kenny turned down the screamo.

"Alright, bitches, here we are," Kenny wooped and fist-pumped like a champion because Kenny is a champion also an angel. "You all got your sunglasses ready?"

Everyone nodded except Kyle and then they all gave each other thumbs-up and then got out of the black Lamborghini in a suave fashion. They were all the epitome of cool.

There was a woman with a child and they were walking through the parking lot and they happened to pass Stan, Kenny, Craig, and Tweek as they all put their sunglasses on and strode slow-motion through the Californian night and she thought _wow, they're so cool._ Then her mother vagina eyes saw Kyle and she thought _look at that effeminate Jew I'm infatuated by his faggoty ass. _But then she entered T.G.I. Friday's even though T.G.I. Friday's was NOT the place for children and female children at that. She must have been from some far off place that wasn't Colorado or California. Mother of god.

So then they continued their stride and within like five minutes it really took that long they all reached the very large but not as large as Sex on the Beaches Hotel doors and Kenny's hand touched the door handle. And then all of them entered T.G.I. Friday's and really fucking loud rave music entered their ears. But they were expecting glowsticks and gay skinny emo faggots grinding on each other but instead it was just like any other T.G.I. Friday's but with some really loud rave music. The five of them stood in the doorway all confused and looking at the families eating to loud rave music.

"Excuse me?" someone with titties asked Kenny. He looked over and there was someone with tits behind the front desk but women don't have emotions so they're only important for titties.

"Hi," Kenny asked while still looking at the people eating. "Uhm, where's... where's the nightclub?"

Then the tit possessor's eyes widened and she put a finger to her mouth and ssshhhed Kenny like _zrztrtzrt_. "Who told you?"

Kenny looked around and then back at the titties with raised eyebrows. "I'm Kenny motherfucking McCormick, thanks."

Then the titties's eyes widened like even wider and she put her hands to her mouth when her boring gray eyes looked up at Kenny's knee-melting chemical cyanide electric blue eyes and she trembled and gasped and was totally hot for Kenny but Kenny didn't like her titties. "O-oh, oh my god... oh my god, the _angel!_ Of course. Oh my god, you're so _rich_ and you're such a _player_... I'm so sorry, I'm so sorr-"

"Save it, bitch. Where's the nightclub gay bar?" Kenny demanded, lowering his sunglasses to completely expose his fucking stunning eyes.

"Y-yes sir, it's..." then the organism with titties pointed away across the room to what looked like a trapdoor on the hardwood floor and it said **EMPLOYEES ONLY. **Then she put her arm back against herself like a good little bitch. "It's over th-there. Right over there. You'll get s-stopped by a bouncer, but... but he'll recognize you. Anyone would..."

"Okay, thanks," Kenny droned because he hated when bitches lost their uterus blood over him. He turned back to Craig and smirked and Craig's plain simple blue eyes looked over at Kenny and Craig furrowed his eyebrows. Kenny leaned in close to Craig's ear and whispered sensually, "Right this way."

Craig nodded slower and then Kenny grabbed him by the hand and he intertwined their fingers romantically. Tweek didn't really notice because he thought there was a terrorist playing the really loud rave music that was going to kill him and eat him for his luncheon. So Tweek kept quiet and hidden while his boyfriend whored around with the biggest player in the world.

Stan looked over at Kyle and gave him a warming smile and Kyle looked up with happiness as the five of them strode through the T.G.I. Friday's full of families eating mozzarella sticks and listening to the really really intense rave music. They shared a connection between their eyes, and suddenly it felt like there was nobody else in the room at all. It was just Stan and Kyle, staring into each other's eyes, their evergreen emerald green and skinny jeans denim blue eyes melding together into a single aquamarine and surrounding them and caressing their bare chests and-

"You guys coming, or what? Jesus, it's like you guys see fucking Narnia in the other's eyes," Kenny snapped and Kyle and Stan because he was so jealous of their love bond that sometimes he let it slip out like that.

Kyle and Stan blinked and giggled at each other like little fucking girls and then they caught up to Kenny and friends who were standing at the trap door that said **EMPLOYEES ONLY** and then they all reached down but it was actually just Kenny who reached down and then pulled open the trap door that wasn't a trap door. Then even louder rave music, if that was possible, filled the room and they were greeted with glowsticks thrown at them and flashing rainbow lights and bass that pumped in their ears and made them shake like _zrztzr_. Kyle bounced because, this is a secret, really intense bass lines make Kyle so fucking horny.

He rubbed against Stan as they all walked down the stairs and then they got stopped by a man who was really really muscular, like almost more than Kenny, and dressed in all black with a headset on his head and he had his arms crossed. "Names."

Kenny shoved everyone out of the way and said, "Kenneth James McKormick."

And then the bouncer security guy almost shit his pants because, oh my god, he was talking to Kenny Motherfucking McCormick right now. The bouncer just nodded slowly and looked at the four other faggots behind him.

"And bitches," Kenny shrugged and also nodded and pointed at the four of them. "Raven hair, boring hair, redhead and messy blonde are all mine. All those bitches in the back are just posers, c'mon you posers, you ain't enough for me."

The four faggoteers squealed as they were let into the T.G.I. Friday's backstage hidden nightclub part gay bar and thrown into the mass of really sexy effeminate emo fags dancing to intense rave music. Kyle clawed Stan's back because also rainbow flashing lights turn Kyle on too and there were lots of those.

"Owwh, Kyle, what was that?" Stan moaned painfully at Kyle's claws in his back and winced and looked at Kyle biting his own bottom lip beside him. "You okay?"

"S-st..." Kyle tried to say but then his horniness took over and he couldn't say any words now. "Aaa..."

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Kyle... what?"

"Aaa... St-st..." Kyle stumbled and clung and bit and then he just grabbed Stan's hand forcefully and he dragged him to the back of the nightclub and through the crowds of dancing emo kids and the alcohol and to the bathrooms in the back. Then he kicked open the door and then kept dragging Stan by the hand and then kicked open the door to a stall but it was a handicapped stall for handicaps so they had a ton of space and then he shoved Stan right the fuck inside. Then he locked it really tight and jerked his head to face his damn sexy boyfriend who stood there really confused.

"Kyle... what..." Stan repeated, and then before he could continued to ask what or why Kyle stripped down like lightning and smashed his lips against Stan's and Stan stopped asking questions and he sunk to the floor with passion and homoerotic tension and he let Kyle strip him down.

And then they had fiery descriptive sex in the bathroom of T.G.I. Friday's while Kenny got a booth for everyone.


	26. Imma Be

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX**

imma be

_imma be poppin that bubbly cool and living that good life oh lets make this last forever_

imma be by the black eyed peas

**authors note: ARENT YOU SO EXCITED BECAUSE ITS BEEN LIKE WEEKS SINCE THIS WAS UPDATED IM EXPECTING TEARS OKAY PLEASE JUST CRY**

**if you're happy and you know it clap your hands**

_**i'd better hear fucking applause because I wrote all of this and then didnt save and then i crashed fuckfuckfuck**_

* * *

"Hello?" an angelic but husky voice that was actually Kenny's boomed through the walls of the T.G.I. Friday's secret nightclub bathroom. It bounced off the walls and vibrated into the ears of Stan and Kyle, who were currently naked and sweaty and finishing up their moment of unprotected fiery sex. Stan and Kyle stopped their moaning and panting and stared at each other like _oh shit_ and Kyle suddenly realized he was pressed naked against a gross bathroom floor that was tainting his vulnerable flesh. He squirmed and froze and Stan looked at him all horrified because he was.

"You lovers in here? Look, if you didn't want to come, you should have said so..." Kenny continued and his manly graceful footsteps echoed throughout the dimly lighted room as he strode deeper. "...I thought you'd be happy."

Stan and Kyle were still frozen and silent and didn't move so that Kenny couldn't catch them in the act of heated anal sex again. Even though he's already been romantically involved with both of them, it was still super embarrassing. Stan's hands were currently under Kyle's thighs and he had him pinned to the cold gross tile floor.

"I know you're in here, it's one of my twenty senses," Kenny groaned, but Stan thought he was just bluffing because sometimes Kenny could be a douchebag like that.

Stan sighed and then slowly removed his hands from Kyle, but to do that he had to slide his hands up Kyle's smooth thighs and perfect ass and tiny waist, and so therefore both of them couldn't control the two loud moans that left their mouths like _zrtztzrt_. Their faces went red because they were blushing and then soon the lock on the door was unlocked and Kenny stood there smirking with his hands on his hips. They jerked their heads around and covered themselves with each other.

"Dear god, really? Sexual urges had to be satisfied like _right now_?" Kenny laughed because this whole situation was funny. Stan and Kyle were so startled and Kyle was secretly really furious because there were no lamps to throw at Kenny. Stan blinked because people blink.

"N-no, Kyle jumped on me..." Stan tried to explain, and then Kyle bitch-slapped him but he was so weak that Stan wasn't really affected but he groaned anyhow. "O-ow..."

"You don't _enjoy_ having sex with your boyfriend? Fuck you," Kyle hissed like a cat, and then Stan shook his head really fast and clung naked to his sexy naked Jew.

"_No, no, _Ky, I was just..." Stan apologized against Kyle's smooth effeminate skin and stroked his freckled cheek. "You know I love you."

Kenny's heart was breaking. Watching the two loves of his life cuddle naked on a bathroom floor just tore him apart but he visibly held himself together because he was a decent angel player, which meant he never would show how weak he can be for Stan and Kyle and sometimes Craig. He was so confused about who he loved and he just wanted to settle down with one of them but they were so set on being in love forever together with each other that Kenny thought that would be a pretty hopeless quest. So he stood there in the doorway, not able to avert his angelic cyanide electric blue eyes from their gaze upon the two loves of his that could never be. He was doing a pretty good job of holding himself together, even when Stan pressed his beautiful lips reassuringly against Kyle's own peachy effeminate ones, but when their faggoty connection at the lips lasted ten seconds too long, Kenny's composure suddenly cracked, and then he sniffled. Kenny sniffled.

Stan and Kyle suddenly broke apart, and they both looked at Kenny who had just let out a sniffle very curiously.

"Kenny?"

Kenny looked at his two lovers and wondered which one just called his name in the form of a question.

"Are you okay?" Kyle now visibly asked, and Stan remained quiet and gazed at Kenny silently because Stan still would always have hidden feelings for Kenneth the angel doctor player. His denim skinny jeans cerulean blue eyes gazed at the sniffling Kenny and then Stan knew that Kenny still loved him too and Stan felt really awful because Stan was making Kenny's heart ache and yearn for their beautiful lost homosexual love. Kenny's piercing cyanide chemical blue eyes found Stan's own skinny jeans denim blue ones, and they stood and stared for a few heartwrenching seconds. Then Kenny pretended to be okay again, smiled mockingly at Stan, then looked at Kyle and said, "I'm fine."

"We ordered mozzarella sticks and vodka. It's getting cold," Kenny told Kyle, then nodded slowly and he walked away from the bathroom stall and down the hall and through the door and slammed it. Kyle looked up into Stan's skinny jeans denim blue eyes.

"Stan... you want to go back out there?" Kyle whimpered from beneath Stan's naked body. Stan looked down into Kyle's emerald evergreen green eyes.

"Yeah, Kyle, I'm hungry... let's just go..." Stan huffed and then lifted his hot naked emo kid body off of Kyle's and then started to dress himself again with the clothes Kyle stripped off of him that were thrown on the floor everywhere. Then Kyle soon followed and he stood up and started to dress himself and Stan and Kyle were silent and didn't say anything because they were both really reflecting on what they did and neither of them were really horny anymore and Stan was thinking about Kenny and his sadness and Kyle was thinking about how Stan called him "Kyle" and not "Ky" like he always did and so Kyle then knew that Stan was mad.

"Stan, what's wrong?" Kyle asked quietly and carefully as he slid on his short short shorts. Stan looked over with a totally serious and somber expression face.

"What? Do I look troubled?" Stan grumbled and zipped up his black hoodie sweatshirt.

Kyle swallowed. "You're... you're acting like Craig."

"Well, would you _rather_ have me act like Craig? Considering your little moment of attachment to him, I'd think you'd dig grumbling and boring people and attitude," Stan scoffed and he was metaphorically dripping with sarcasm and he shook his head at the ground. Stan was grumpy and defensive because of Kenny.

"S-stan... what's gotten into you..." Kyle asked softly, starting to tremble and his beautiful stunning eyes started to water with a layer of tears. Stan looked over at Kyle and saw how hurt that he was and he was metaphorically stabbed in the chest. But then Kenny came into his head and the sympathy wound was healed.

"I feel like we're not really in love. All of this just feels useless. I feel useless," Stan confessed but was just blinded by Kenny's heartbreak and didn't mean that. But he sighed and put his hands in his black hoodie pockets and looked at the bathroom stall door.

Kyle quivered and from his emerald evergreen green eyes came tears, and one drop fell and splattered against the tile. "I-is... Stan... is that really how y-you f-feel?"

Stan sighed. "Kyle, we're in a bathroom stall in California covered in each other's sperm and whatever was on the bathroom floor. Outside these doors are hundreds of gay men grinding in the dark to intense rave music, our three friends are waiting with probably not safe mozzarella sticks and alcohol, and then when we get back out there we're going to end up drunk and horny and in the same fucking situation, you're going to end up fucking pregnant again, and shit, Kyle, you're still recovering from the trauma from the abortion and you'll probably have an affair with Craig or Kenny or _Tweek_ for all I know, and I just, I just... I want to be back in Colorado walking through the snow in winter clothes and going to your house to watch cartoons and drink hot chocolate, before we even considered a relationship. Before the kissing, the touching, miles before the sex. It doesn't... you know, I just don't know what we're doing anymore. I just don't know what _I'm _doing anymore. And, I remember thinking it was so right, you know... I thought it was so..." Stan choked up and his voice cracked and he trailed off.

Kyle was shivering in a metaphorical puddle of his own tears. He was speechless, he was so hurt and metaphorically destroyed brutally from the beautiful inside. Stan had never been so hurtful before. Stan sighed and began to walk a few steps towards the door, and Kyle choked out loud, stabbing sobs. Stan stopped in his tracks and looked over at Kyle and he bit his lip and then looked down at the ground.

"I just need time to think," Stan sighed. "It's just… it's been three days, Kyle, _three_ days, and I've managed to fuck everything up. I feel so lost and awful and and… _filthy_. It's this awful feeling and I just _hate_ it. I hate betraying people and blindly thrusting into you and hearing your moan in my head as I'm letting them pour out of my mouth as Kenny is about to do the same to me. It's terrible. I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"S-stan…" Kyle cried and pleaded and begged. "Stan, w-where… where is this coming f-from?"

"Someone logical," Stan stated, swallowing down saliva and it echoed through the silence. Then Stan took another step forward, and Kyle inhaled all he could and took a step forward of his own.

"B-but, Stan, we w-were... we were so _perfect_... _Stan_... you can't do this, _you can't do this_, y-you're... you're my _everything_, and I..." Kyle wheezed with heartbreak and agony. "I _love you_."

Stan stopped again. "Do you _really_? Think it over, do you _really_ know that you love me?"

Kyle nodded furiously and walked cautiously and trembled like an abused puppy over to Stan's side. He wiped the river of tears away from his left emerald evergreen green eye. "I-I... you're all that I know. Stan, without you I'm just... I'm just a _shell_ of a p-person. You've... y-you've always been a part of me. I _need _you."

Stan shook his head and blinked away the tears that came. "Kyle, I need time. I just need time. I c-can't... don't..." Stan turned around to face the emotional disaster that Kyle was now. He cautiously put his hands on Kyle's shoulders. "Please don't do anything stupid. I care about you. Just let me think."

Kyle blinked and looked deep, deep into Stan's twinkling cerulean skinny jeans denim blue eyes, and he saw something knew. Stan's eyes were watering, and the irises began to flow and reminded Kyle of the ocean, the waves rushing in and out. The ocean. That's what it was.

Stan watched Kyle's emerald evergreen orbs gushing tears and saw something more than the forest, he saw the grass beneath it, the soil, the... the earth. The earth. That's what it was.

Stan moved his face to Kyle's, and briefly pecked Kyle on the cheek with his smooth overemotional lips. He pulled back and Kyle nodded slowly, and as Stan lifted his shoulders he felt like the magnet always bringing them together was taking on full force, and he reached out for Stan as his warmth left him and crashed against his chest and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Stan choked up and brought one hand up to Kyle's forearm.

"_Kyle_... I'll always be here... you _know_ that. I just want to think over things between us and I..." he was cut off by Kyle's agonizing wails, and he gave in and wrapped his arms around Kyle and clung to him with everything left in him and bawled into the beautiful crook of his neck. They both cried, tears splattering against the tiles and echoing with their cries against the bathroom walls. Kyle felt complete again, he fit perfectly against Stan and their tears soaked each other's clothes and their arms were entangled around each other so desperately. For the first time, Kyle knew it was something more than sexual tension, he knew they weren't just fulfilling sexual urges because there was something stronger that he always was aware of but never truly felt.

And as the metaphorical waves of Stan's metaphorical ocean flowed through Kyle's metaphorical earth, Kyle knew that they were desperately in love.


	27. Rolling in the Deep

**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN**

rolling in the deep

_we could have had it all rolling in the deep you had my heart inside of your hands and you played it to the beat_

rolling in the deep by adele

**authors note: lol a month later and chapter twenty seven shows up you love me right**

**yes**

**but actually do you really because i got two reviews last time and two the time before and that isnt enough to fuel this genius okay the fuck is that **

**cAnT sToP mE**

So then, Stan and Kyle separated and Kyle attempted to dry his tears but without his big human love tissue his tears flew freely down his feminine cheeks. Stan was already striding towards the bathroom door, and Kyle could hear Stan's sniffles and wheezes echo off the gross bathroom walls and floors and every sniffle was a stab to his Jew heart.

_Stan, why do we do this… _Kyle thought to himself and that was just in his head because he really really wanted to scream that to Stan.

But Stan knew why they would do this, he knew why they would separate because after all he was the one who had that idea that they should be apart and not be gay lovers. Because, beneath his metaphorical layers but I guess they weren't really metaphorical because people kind of have layers but beneath his metaphorical layers, Stan was scared, he was scared of hurting Kyle and in the end he didn't want to be to blame with Kyle's heartbreak, because Stan knew he couldn't ever be the lover that Kyle wanted.

But Kyle knew that Stan was confused, at least, because that's what he said after all. Kyle didn't really think about what they had been doing for the past three days what with the kissing and making out and sex and pregnancy, they'd had a lot of firsts in California and they weren't even 10% done with their trip. Kyle knew they had a whole lot of time ahead of them, and when he knew they had a whole lot of time ahead of them he kind of saw Stan's logic.

If what they feel really is real, if it isn't just fueled by their sexy hormones and the lust that California injects all of its inhabitants with to ravish whatever human being cared that much about them or was just sexy in general.

And Stan, _Stan,_ when he thought about why he was so fascinated by Stan he couldn't really pin down a single thing of attraction to Stan that he felt for him. Kyle opened his jade twisty winding evergreen eyes that were apparently closed and he looked at the deity in front of him, walking out of the bathroom but hesitating to wait for Kyle himself. _Even his back is attractive_, Kyle thought. And it was pretty true. Stan did have one might fine back. Not even including that god damn stunning ass, Kyle thought Stan had like an attractive _back_, where his bony shoulderblades bones stabbed out of his pale emo kid flesh that were attractive little bumps.

No matter what direction Stan was facing in, Kyle found him beautiful like Stan actually was, all opinions aside. You ask anyone who knows Stan and they would all tell you the raven-haired blue-eyed sex god was not only the star quarterback but the star of their wet dreams. Everyone loved Stan because he was such a might fine piece of ass. Kyle was, too. And Kenny and Craig and Tweek, but right now Kyle was thinking about Stan.

How he needed to take a break from Stan.

"Kyle?" Stan's voice echoed throughout the bathroom like a bat or something involving sound, and it hit Kyle's peachy rose ears and made the color come back to his face. _His voice, too, _Kyle thought. It was husky yet totally faggoty, like an emo kid with a punch of manliness right in there. He loved Stan's voice. "You coming?"

Why did Kyle feel like he was falling in love all over again?

Was he ever really in love in the beginning, in the first place?

Was this actually it?

Or was it just the power of Stan's magical ass cheeks and body in general?

"…Yeah," Kyle breathed out because he didn't have the voice left in him to function with because Stan just wiped him of everything, and Kyle hated that. Even though Kyle secretly loved being the whore and taking everything inside of him, he hated to depend on Stan like this. How everything of his was basically in Stan's sexy little hands.

Behind all of the attractiveness Stan overwhelmed Kyle with and kinda removed him of all other emotion, beneath those strands of raven black hair that reflected in the California sun like a fucking mirror and even in the shitty lighting in the bathroom they still looked sparkly fucking clean, beneath Stan's god damn enticing and hypnotizing Pacific ocean irises that Kyle swore saw rush in and out like the tides of the ocean and swirl into patterns of blue and darker blue, beneath Stan's incredible fashion sense and his retiredly skinny but still with a healthy amount of muscle to make him look manly and human and enough to make Kyle feel lesser and have Stan take him away-

"Kyle, seriously," Stan's voice called and was kinda whiny now. "I know what you're doing and we're going to sort this all out later, okay, stop dwelling on me and us and just come here…"

"Yes, Stan," Kyle responded robotically like Stan's slave which he always would be in heart, and got to his effeminate feet and started to walk towards Stan who wasn't even looking him in the eyes anymore.

- ...he just wanted to be independent.

Stan and Kyle emerged from the bathroom with silence and distance and lost themselves in the fucking massive cluster of scene kid and ravers and faggots and ass while intense glow sticks were shined in their eyes because people at raves were douchebags, and they started to make their way slowly to the table where Kenny, Craig and Tweek were sipping vodka and eating onion rings.

And by "eating onion rings" that means that Kenny wasn't hungry because he can turn off hunger settings because you know how he do, Craig was too apathetic and didn't really give many fucks to be eating onion rings, and Tweek was either ripping them into tiny chunks or taking the breading off of the onion or throwing it into the crowd because they were _evil_ and they were _going to destroy him_. Craig tried to catch most of the onion rings that Tweek threw with his middle finger and it was like ring toss, but Craig kind of sucks at that kind of ring toss so that didn't end well. Kyle and Stan wouldn't know about Craig's ring toss adventures unless he told them and were Stan and Kyle really going to listen?

Stan and Kyle walked into the super sexy sleek black booth which announced the world that you were popular and pimpin' and had lots of friends with Kenny and Craig and Tweek, except Stan sat on one end next to Kenny and Kyle sat on the other next to Craig. And in his head Kenny was like _uh oh bitches are fighting my bitches are fighting this isn't fun I hate their shit_. And Kyle was like _shit guys by guys I mean my organs Kenny knows he can look in my eyes because everyone can read me and address me like an open book called Kyle Broflovski is a Faggot and He's in a Fight With Stan Marsh Who is His Kinda Sorta Boyfriend. _Kyle thought that would be a really shitty book now that he thought about it, and that should never never exist anywhere. And Tweek was like _the onion rings have faces Craig CRAIG WHY DIDN'T WE EVER LEARN TELEPATHY L-LIKE I WANTED US TO FUCK THIS AAAGH_.

Kenny noticed that everyone had really huge problems of their own and he figured that alcohol could solve all problems, which it can, so. Kenny waved a hand and summoned a faggot who approached and he was attractive but not like the five of them were and he brought more vodka. Kenny clicked his tongue and did that finger pointing gun thing at the emo rave fag and he giggled and left because he knew Kenny didn't have time. And no, Kenny didn't.

"So," Kenny clicked his tongue again like _ztrtzrtr_. "Who wants vodka?"


	28. The Lazy Song

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

the lazy song

_today i don't feel like doing anything do do doo do i just wanna lay in my bed_

the lazy song by bruno mars

* * *

So then Kenny opened the bottle of vodka with his bare hands because you know how he do and then like fog swirled out of it. It was so cool and therefore made sixteen-year-old Kenny really cool, and Kyle specifically thought that this was really really cool.

"Alright, everyone gets a chug," Kenny announced and his voice was totally clear and audible over the incredible intense amplified rave music and panting in the T.G.I. Friday's so everybody heard him. Kyle blinked at Kenny's words.

"But we have cups," Kyle pointed out because even though he's a total slut he's also smart and logical.

Kenny glared at Kyle because sometimes he was tired of his shit. "Kyle. Okay?"

"What?" Kyle asked, still kinda depressed from his lack of being assbuddies with Stan even though he didn't know that they were always going to be assbuddies forever. Stan sat across from him and watched him without Kyle knowing and Kyle thought that Stan was ignoring him.

"Kyle, we're each going to take a chug of this straight from the bottle okay because that's the only way we can prove we are friends for life, because we drink from the same bottle of vodka and pass it around," Kenny explained matter-of-factly because it actually was true facts that he just clarified.

And then everything suddenly made perfect sense to Kyle so he nodded at Kenny's clear explaination and thought he was such a genius. All of his previous doubts were invalid and never happened, because Kyle's opinion is very easily influenced especially by Kenny specifically what with his pimpin' angel qualities and just the way that he had with words. For a moment Kyle thought that he could always go to second best if Stan was going to really break up with him for good, Kenny.

Kenny was his second best.

Kenny's cyanide turquoise blue eyes drifted up from the mouth of the bottle that his lips were about to close over, and they met Kyle's striking swirling evergreen forest eyes. It was a different feeling, Kyle realized. With Stan the world felt tranquil, calm, perfect—with Kenny's chemicals mixing and stinging in between Kyle's metaphorical blades of grass, it was a new sort of thrill, it made him feel alive, it was human. He was human.

Kenny felt this through Kyle's gaze too, and for a minute or so they sat and just stared from across the table of T.G.I. Friday's, oblivious to the noise and lights enveloping them, because it was just Kenny and Kyle. It was like with Stan but better. Kyle knew he just found his new escape.

Kenny never saw Kyle in such a light before. He knew that Kyle was a mighty fine piece of ass before, but now a whole new set of doors just unlocked in his head. Maybe it was the fumes from the vodka bottle, but Kenny had to go and talk to Kyle about this right the fuck now.

So Kenny lifted the vodka and chugged a huge fucking gulp of it and slammed the bottle in front of Kyle, panting like a horny dog. "Drink and then get up because I've got to talk to you."

Kyle smirked kind of suggestively and Stan was honestly really jealous and worried, because he would always fucking care about and be protective of Kyle because after all they were meant to be assbuddies from the moment their baby hands intertwined. It was destiny, a certain destiny that locked their fates in stainless steel and created an unbreakable bond. Kyle was always his, even if they were taking a break.

Stan watched wearily as Kyle took a theatrical chug from the bottle, pulling away sensually and leaving a trail of saliva as he did. It was all for Kenny, Kyle was falling for Kenny just like Stan did and this was something that Stan absolutely did not want to happen. Since Kenny was such a sex fiend and Kyle such a secret sex-deprived whore, they would be a complementary match that was made in heaven.

But no, because Stan and Kyle were the real match from heaven. Earth and ocean, clover and cloud. Green and blue. Water and plants. Kenny could never be the tranquility that Stan and Kyle together created. But he could be the thrills and the lust and excitement that Stan never was for him, and that tore Stan apart. He was just going to get left behind.

So then Kenny took Kyle's delicate hand and led him out of the circular booth, like the prize that he had been waiting for forever. And that hurt Stan twice as harder, because did the love that he delivered to both of them mean absolutely nothing? The lifetime of care and kisses and devotion and sex, it was all in vain. Because now it was about the two of them and Stan had no one. He was all alone.

As Kenny escorted Kyle through the pumping rave and the emo faggots and strobe and music, Stan smashed the vodka bottle against the table and let the glass cut into his palm. And then he let the tears pass and cascade down his heartbroken cheeks.

"It's over," Stan wheezed. He looked at Craig and Tweek but then he stopped doing that because he wanted to pretend like they won't there, so he would feel even more alone. He was the fifth wheel now, Stan always wondered why they decided to come as five people in to the land of California, because then someone would always have to be left out. Stan and Kyle were already split apart, now. Which meant.

Craig and Tweek. Craig and Tweek were next. Now Stan stopped pretending that Craig and Tweek weren't there and he rubbed the glass and blood and vodka off on his skinny jeans, smiling wildly at Craig, his new prey and his soon-to-be-boyfriend. Craig was actually really sexy, Stan just never noticed that earlier until like about right now and Craig was driving him insane with his attractiveness.

Craig's hair was much inferior to Stan's luxourious unbelievable strands of raven black, but that was kind of what Stan really dug about it. It was a boring kind of black, the black that everyone had, but it went so well with his person, it defined him as much as his apathy and complements of boring blue did. He was boring and stubborn, and Stan was so into that. He looked into Craig's bland, dull blue eyes that were at the moment not looking at Stan they were looking down at the ground, because the ground was just that interesting to Craig.

Yeah, Stan just found his new everything.

He suddenly did like this snap click clap thing and then Craig's totally boring eyes drifted to meet Stan's pacific oceanic swirling orbs, and Craig wasn't really sure what was going around in Craig's head. Oh I meant Stan sorry what. Okay but he didn't know what was going on in Stan's head, and like even though Stan smashed the bottle of vodka before he could drink it the vodka seeped through his pores into his veins because it was all over his hands. So this meant Stan was kind of drunk.

Since Stan was kind of intoxicated and therefore not thinking like his normal usual self, Stan kind of thought this was the most brilliant idea that he had ever ever had. Of course, Craig. _Craig_, why didn't he see that before. This whole time he had been turning to Kenny but no dude Craig was the seriously better match here. So he turned on his seducing switch in his mental capacity, because in this relationship Stan was going to bottom. I mean he bottoms in all relationships that aren't with Kyle and also Tweek so. That was kind of clear.

But he did this, making his fingers sexually strut like a sexy individual and they strutted right up the side of Craig's arm, which felt really nice to Stan's fingertips and Tweek was pretty much unfazed because he was thinking about the coffee that he doesn't have, or _oh god what is even in these mozzarella sticks? _

But like, Craig sure did notice Stan's fingertips trailing up his boring but boringly attractive flesh. He shot Stan an apathetic but curious glance, wondering what the fuck this emo faggot was up to. Even though they were surrounded by _real _emo faggots and like in comparison, Stan wasn't even that big of an emo faggot. It was just the hair and his mood and like how skinny and sexy he was. And he was also gay but everyone was.

"Marsh," Craig muttered out but at such a volume so that it was made sure that Tweek absolutely could not ever even hear this. "What the fuck do you think you are doing."

The absolute sound of Craig's unimpressed voice was just enough to tickle Stan's faggot fancy, because Stan had been longing to hear his last name in this tone, for longer than he himself was even aware of. It was just so exciting and new to him and opened like all these fucking doors they swung open like _rttr enter us Stan_ and Stan is like _oh god damn yes I'm going to explore all of these doors until I get myself together_ and the doors were like _yes my child very good_ and Stan was like _I know_.

Stan leaned in ever so gently, smiling that classic melting Stan smile with a twinge of drunkenness in his drunken stupor, which made it even more adorable and Craig had to admit that to himself. Stan was just naturally a bundle of attractive and he knew that, so he unleashed it when he needed to wheel in a new prey. And now it was Craig Tucker.

"Sorry," Stan like pretended to apologize but it was totally sexy and intentionally so. "Does this bother you?"

Stan's strutting fingers made their way to the nape of Craig's neck and then Stan snaked his hand around Craig's neck and stroked down the back of it, and Craig shivered he totally shivered down his spine he couldn't hide that. Then Craig blushed a little bit and like Stan knew he had so scored right here.

"N-no," Craig pushed out in between shivers and hidden smiles that he tried so hard to repress, and his boring dull average blue eyes drifted to mean Stan's whirling and horny oceans and they knew they were connecting right then and there. "I-I mean, _fuck_… Stan…"

Stan started to like make more moves on Craig but then he turned to Tweek like _oh shit I still have this thing_ and he put a hand on Tweek's shoulder and nudged him lovingly.

"H-hey, fuck, uh, why don't you fucking like go get us some more food or go drink some fucking coffee, baby? The dancing looks pretty fucking sweet too. I-I want to uhm, talk to Stan about uh, the way he's treating Kyle and uh, fuck…" Craig tried to get Tweek to excuse himself and Tweek flinched and twitched under Craig's touch and words.

"N-nnghh guah! O-okay, _uh_jhjskdfd_ I-I'll go n-now, _yes, C-craig… anghhh…" Tweek freaked out and like responded to Craig. Craig gave him a pat on the back but it was lovingly, and then Tweek obeyed like the good little twitchy dog that he was and he excused himself from the circular booth which would therefore leave just Stan and Craig. So Tweek left and disappeared into the wave of emo faggots.

Stan and Craig exchanged knowing looks and Craig gave him this subtle little nod, and Stan smiled suggestively and drunkenly and then shifted a little closer to Craig, moving his hand around the side of his neck once again. And then Stan leaned in closer, pressing his chilly emo face against the warm side of Craig's neck and cautiously pressing his lips against the flesh. Craig made some kind of guttural noise, very clearly not touched like that for a really long time.

He reached out to clutch to something and his hand found Stan's black t-shirt, clutching to the fabric and moaning like even more which was making both of them so super hot. Then like Stan moved off of Craig's neck and slammed their lips together and it was just magical fucking fireworks, their lips moving fluidly against each other's and the moans reverberating within the caverns, it was just heated magic.

Stan found that Craig was the perfect balance for a partner between Kyle and Kenny—he wasn't that sweet or gentle or delicate like Kyle was, and he wasn't dominant and sex-craved and, well, as pimpin' as Kenny McCormick was. He was just right, right in the middle. Stan was obsessed.

He slammed himself against the circular booth and Craig was on top of him, moaning and slurping and grinding as Stan did. They were already so perfectly coordinated and their erections were like kind of colliding with each like grind from the grinding and when they touched or brushed or anything they both almost cried from the pleasure.

"Angnh… ngn.. nhh, _Craig_…" Stan pulled back from Craig's mouth like by a millimeter and frantically panted, the pleasure was just too much for Stan. "_Craig_… Cr…"

"St-st… _fuck, fuck, fuuuuck…_" Craig moaned back, and then he finally gave in and unbuttoned his boring skinny jeans to reveal his boxers and did the same to Stan but like that made things worse because their dicks collided harder than ever but there was like thin bothersome fabric now and they were about to burst out of their fucking skulls it was so so so hot.

And then like before they could even think about fucking each other's asses, they both suddenly came in their pants and their dicks deflated like balloons that were deflating and Craig sunk against Stan's chest and they both looked at each other like _well fuck_.

Making out was like so hot that they couldn't even stop the orgasms. Stan smiled up at Craig, his new beginning, and breathed in his amazing totally boring scent. Craig hummed with contentedness which was a new thing for Craig, he'd never really been content before in his life. He was so happy.

So Stan looked up at Craig and smirked a little drunkenly and asked:

"So… wanna go out?"


	29. Flashing Lights

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

flashing lights

_flashing lights lights lights flashing lights lights lights lights_

flashing lights by kanye west and dewlwel

**authors note: short chapter because fuck you**

* * *

"I know," Kyle heaved with a feminine twinge, slamming Kenny against the walls of the hallway to the bathrooms, which was secluded and dark and the perfect location for things such as gay discoveries.

Kenny's mind was kind of really hazy right now, not only because of all the vodka but because he had just gotten into the mind of Kyle Broflovski, and his slender arms were shoved against Kenny's pimping chest and his marmalade locks were stuck to his face in the spots damp with excitement and lust, and his heated strawberry breath that had a hint of alcohol in it blowing against his jaw and electrifying his entire body. That little waist cautiously spaced away from his own, testing the metaphorical waters that were Kenny. He did it.

Then Kyle's fucking voice, that sounded sort of like a woman's voice when he was aroused, Kyle's fucking voice registered in Kenny's blurry head and the side of his mouth moved into a hypnotized smirk.

"Yuh… you know wha… what?" Kenny tried to respond coherently, but with each exhale from Kyle's mouth against his jawbone turned his crank even faster. This had to be a wet dream. But then again, they were in California, and shit like this was bound to happen.

Kyle's face got even fucking closer, and he moved his face up so that his lips were ever so lightly brushing against his ear, and then let his hot breath delicately exhale against the surface before moaning through whispers, "I know what we're both thinking."

Kenny made some guttural noise that he didn't realize was possible to escape his lips, and then his shaking hands lifted themselves like magnets towards Kyle's tempting little waist, still inches away from him. He hesitated and let his hand linger an inch or so away, biting his lip with each further exhale Kyle let out.

"Wh… what's that?" Kenny couldn't hold back the grin and his eyes rolling victoriously back into his head and the low, accomplished breathy laugh he let out, he couldn't believe this was about to go down.

Kenny always thought he was the master of seduction, because he could ease himself into everybody's pants, but Kyle was a tough one. Because he was stubborn, womanly, and a fierce little bitch who would smack anyone that came within the vicinity of entering his tight little ass. He had almost given up on the sex goddess that was Kyle Abraham Broflovski, knowing that even his angelic pimping soul had no chance in that ball park.

But now he discovered that alcohol was the special key to Kyle's dick, and he just unlocked that fucking palace that he had to admire from the neglected lands below as a mere little peasant. This was all a huge cool metaphor for getting in Kyle's pants, but like just saying that directly ruins the magic. So Kyle was a palace and Kenny was a sexy angelic pimp peasant who could go in now.

"You and me," Kyle whined, his tone so desperate and lustful that when it slightly cracked with anticipation it sent jolts throughout Kenny. "You and me are fucking."

Kenny swooned back against the wall and was at almost maximum horniness level but not yet because like they didn't kiss or grind yet so he was just aroused. But Kyle gracefully swerved his head to meet Kenny's eyes, and as Kenny stared at those big beautiful jade emerald doe eyes glazed over with a layer of anxiousness that made them sparkle with the reflection of the lights from the dance floor at the end of the hall, he lost his self control and clutched the dips in Kyle's slender sides and slammed Kyle fully against him.

"Nnnn, fuck me, _fuck me, _Kenny McCormick…" Kyle started to pant like a dog and purr like a kitten and grind rhythmically against Kenny's thigh, his effeminate dick pressing into him. His slender hands slide in between Kenny's thighs and stroking the inside all the way up to his crotch. Kenny was seeing stars and fireworks and bright flashing things.

"I know that's exactly what you want," Kyle panted against Kenny's neck, the two grinding at an intense rhythm that excited both of them to tears. "What _we_ want…"

Kenny let out a laugh that expressed all of his pleasure and relief and want, a light, gentle laugh that wasn't manly at all and it was just to make Kyle feel desired and show him how much he wanted this. Then he leaned in, clenched his teeth and showed his canines by snarling like a wolf and moved his mouth centimeters away from Kyle's and hissed, "You fucking _tease_."

"Mmmm, well it was obviously effective," Kyle whispered lustfully and smirked right next to Kenny's teeth.

"Yeah… ugh, _Kyle_, just…" Kenny hissed and tried to inch himself closer to Kyle's mouth and Kyle backed up with Kenny's intentions forward.

"_Kiss you?_" Kyle moaned, taking the sides of Kenny's face in his hands and brushing his luscious lips across the edge of his mouth.

"Nnguaah," Kenny groaned and tried to move his mouth towards Kyle's, the unsatisfied desire too much for him to handle.

Kyle smiled drunkenly against Kenny's face. "Yeah," Kyle panted, then shoved his forehead against Kenny's and gazed hungrily into Kenny's electric chemical cyanide blue eyes, then closed his own and moaned, _"show me..."_

Then Kenny had enough of Kyle's fucking teasing bullshit and he clutched the back of Kyle's neck and captured his mouth hungrily with his own, drool dripping from hotly their lips and smacking against the floor in thick drops.

"Kyle_kylekylekyle_…" Kenny breathed through the kisses and started to ease his hands up under Kyle's shirt and to meet the smooth heated skin. Kyle made a noise into Kenny's mouth that was like a cat or something and it vibrated through both of them and made both of them harder.

Kyle pulled back for one second and yanked his shirt over his head and spun it like a stripper and hurled it at the ground, revealing his sexy skinny effeminate torso. Kenny moaned at the new access and then ripped his own off, then their two bare chests slammed together and made them both howl.

Then as they resumed their intense out making, Kenny began to ease Kyle down to the cold tile floor and they both unbuttoned each other's skinny jeans as this happened. They both had the same exact thing on their minds. Well, clearly.

And then they were both suddenly naked surrounded by little puddles of their own sweat and drool and piles of clothes, their throbbing dicks colliding with each grind and loud sounds leaving their mouths left and right. The cold from the black tiled floor was canceled out by the heat of their bodies and it was just so beautiful.

Then minutes later they were fucking, desperate and dirty, thrusts and pants and screams echoing through the hall and making it easily the sexiest sex they ever had.

And this Stan heard, across the room in a circular booth with his new boyfriend, he heard Kenny entering Kyle and their bodies smacking against the ground and the fluids leaving them and dripping hard on to the floor. And it broke his heart into more little pieces, and as they continued to thrust and pant Stan clutched Craig's hand harder.

"You okay?" Craig asked Stan without using fuck because he was really in love with this raven boy right now. He put his chin on Stan's shoulder and nudged the side of his face too because he was being affectionate now and not mean ever.

Stan smiled at his darling precious boyfriend, boring solid blue eyes looking down at him with concern and his regular black hair in his eyes. He nodded slowly, leaning back against Craig in the circular booth and snuggling into him.

"Yeah," Stan lied. "I'm going to be okay."


	30. Sleazy

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

sleazy

_i don't need you or your brand new benz or your boocshsehceh friends i don't need love lookin like diamondz lookin like diamondz _

sleazy by ke$ha

**authors note: you guys this is the thirtieth chapter ok this is a new record in the legend booklets get them out its time to record this bullshit now read this for me and leave a review to celebrayyyy or ill be crying myself to sleep again ok :'(**

also this is even shorter because i hate you  


* * *

Even if Stan hadn't seen Kenny and Kyle brutally fuck in the hallways, he would have known immediately that they had dirty naughty sex because he knew that fucking look in Kyle's emerald doe eyes when he had just had really amazing sex and was basking in the afterglow and virtue. And when Kyle came back to the circular T.G.I. Friday's booth, that was the exact expression on his face and it went directly to Stan's heart and twisted it.

"H-hey- hey," Kyle panted without looking at either Stan or Craig and Stan just stared Kyle down with a heartbreaking lovesick puppy expression on his sad little faggot face.

Neither Stan or Craig took it to answer Kyle, but since Stan was still boiling with jealousy and heartbreak and sad, he decided to lean over to his boyfriend and nuzzle into his neck and make a happy coo. Craig tried not to go red, because he was not used to surprise nice affection. Ever. Because like Tweek is too scared and upsetting to do that. So Craig leaned over and kissed Stan's smooth cheek, which Kyle instantly heard because he did that all the time and his head shot up and he broke from the sex trance for a second.

"Stan?" Kyle's voice cracked out, which made Stan choke up because Kyle Broflovski's fucking voice was something he could not handle because it just twisted his heart in every direction, especially this certain tone. So he refused to look up but decided to answer him since Kyle bothered talking to him.

"Wh-what," Stan muttered out heartbrokenly and monotone into Craig's neck**, **clutching Craig's hand tighter for support through this moment. And Stan could almost sort of hear Kyle's heart squeeze in his chest, but he was probably imagining things.

"Are… are you two dating?" Kyle asked, almost warningly, like he was speaking to a five-year-old child causing shenanigans but also with a big part of Kyle in there. Heartbroken Kyle. It was dripping with heartbroken and onto Stan's face. Handle the metaphors, can you even.

Then this was when Stan looked up, and made the vital mistake of looking right into Kyle's eyes. This was a vital mistake because this connection between them always made his heart stop for a minute, no matter what the status currently was between them. Those big, sparkling jade evergreen emeralds… something happened when they took even the briefest gaze upon the winding cerulean azure ocean that were Stan's eyes, some spark of electricity that coursed throughout both of their entire bodies and jerked them to life and proved that they were really matched in heaven, their souls- green and blue- picked out before they were even physically formed into human beings, matched from the beginning of time. Just looking at Kyle made all of this rush at him, through him, into him. It was a sensation that he knew they both felt, as if nothing else mattered at that moment they glanced upon each other's eyes, as if it was only them at T.G.I. Friday's, the dance floor empty and two spotlights dancing on just the two of them.

"Yes, Kyle," Stan choked out, biting his lip down hard to keep back the tears. This was all his choice, he let Kyle go and thought it was for the best, and he only screwed around with Craig because Kyle screwed around with Kenny. That was totally logical. No matter how heartbreaking, it was the only way. "Though, you know. It's only fair."

That fiery look in Kyle's emerald eyes erupted, his hot temper clearly broken open and then contained as much as he possibly could do so.

"Oh?" His voice came out almost threatening, he knew the next words out of Stan's mouth and they were something that he never wanted to hear, that they both promised would not ever become a problem between them from the second they were dating.

"Fucking Kenny in the bathroom hallways, that's pretty classy. Who's idea was that?" Stan managed to spit out, every word full of venom and anger and a direct stab into Kyle's heart from the address of Stan's shattered remnants of a heart.

Kyle's red face went white like a sheet of paper like the stuff you write on and then he tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, swallowing and trying to act normal and cupping his hands together on the table and clearing his throat. He had to contain himself, he could not snap at Stan. Kyle had pretty much beaten Stan on the asshole meter, so he had every single right to challenge Kyle.

"Well, Stanley," Kyle cleared his throat again and used Stan's full name like because he did not care about him right now even though he was just really pretending not to. "We just ended up there in a fit of horniness, you know? And then we had the best sex I've ever had."

Kyle lied.

Because the best sex he ever had was the first time he lost his special virginity to Stan Marsh, his everything- because while it wasn't as heated and desperate and full of lust and forbidden as the sex with Kenny he just had was, along with the absolute pleasure he got from the feeling of Stan in and out of him he felt like they were connected even stronger, if that was even possible. He felt every inch of Stan, he felt his breaths and his pulse through him and it ticked throughout his nerves like a metronome, and suddenly they were one. He was Stan, Stan was Kyle. They melded in to one another and became one single requited entity, their irrevocable love tied like a knot at that moment and Kyle knew, with Stan's completely perfect dick fitting inside him like a missing puzzle piece to his rectum, that they were going to be together for forever plus the eternity.

They just went through little speed bumps like dating and fucking other people. And telling lies like this one, which hurt Kyle to tell the love of his life just to get back at him for dating Craig.

"Alright then," Stan nodded and cleared his throat and was so obviously trying not to cry. "Well you know what? You know what the best sex I've ever had was, Kyle? It was with you, feeling like we melded in to one another and became one single requited entity, our irrevocable love tied like a knot at that moment and I knew, with your completely perfect asshole letting me in like the missing puzzle piece to my dick, that we were going to be together for forever plus the eternity. But I guess I was wrong."

And then Stan pulled away from Craig's body, grabbed his jacket and then slid out of the booth, and started to swerve and navigate through the bustling crowd of faggot and penis and emo and he tried to forget about how with Kyle's locomotion ianiary skills he was never lost.

"Stan, no, _wait!_" Kyle called out to him, but it went right the fuck through him and he watched Stan leave. He tried to go reach him but like Stan was already out all of the doors and he was now pretty much out of the building right now so Kyle found a window even though the cool night club was underground and he watched Stan walk away.

I guess that's why they call it window pain.


	31. Party Rock Anthem

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE**

party rock anthem

_party rock is in the house tonight everybsoy ust have a good time and we goon make you lose your mind everybody have good time_

party rock anthem by LMFAO feat. lauren bennet and goonrock

**authors note: so i guess i'll update this  
if anyone ever cares  
no one cares anymore i could die and never continue this magic  
no one care**

**it is a hard life  
well here  
for you**

**show me you care**

**you get to show me you care after I redeem myself for short chapters with this**

* * *

Kyle noticed that Stan wasn't going inside the black Lamborghini to drive back, even though it was named after him and he had that kind of unspoken permission with Kenny, instead Stan was just beginning to walk all the way back to Sex on the Beaches Hotel, without Kyle to guide him professionally locomotionally. And California, in reality, was a really scary place, especially if you were the kind of faggoty sex magnet that was Stanley Marsh.

So Kyle had no choice, he had to chase after him. If he wanted Stan back alive.

"I have to go, Ken," Kyle's voice started to waver and crack because he was so worried about Stan and how he was taking another step with every passing second and drawing the attention of people and just being out there all alone and vulnerable. Kyle couldn't handle that.

"What? Where? Why?" Kenny didn't really gather what was going on because he was still basking in the afterglow from Kyle sex.

"S-Stan. After Stan, I have to go after him, Ken. He's going to fucking die out there, he has no sense of direction or locomotion and he's just going to get lost and have to eat himself to death. And I still care about him. I mean, I always do. He's just," Kyle paused, realizing he was confessing a lot right here. "He's just my other half."

You would expect Kenny to be a little mad about this, but that wasn't the case at all. Because he already knew Stan and Kyle. He knew how they got, he knew how they were. And he knew that there was no way they couldn't be in the same building, no way they could live in a condition like this. It just wasn't how they were.

"Yeah," Kenny almost smiled, looking at Kyle almost pitifully. He was so in love. He just didn't know that completely, he didn't know how to recognize those feelings as, _love_. "I know, Ky. I know you're in love with Stan. You always are, there's no way that can ever change."

Kyle looked up at Kenny, his words establishing in his head. Of course he was in love with Stan. He always was, and he's always going to be.

"But look, Stan does this thing to himself where when he doesn't have you, he has to have someone. And he's together with Craig right now, not knowing how much he fucking loves you. He's just trying to drown that feeling he has about you right the fuck out because it's so powerful, and it destroys him, Kyle. I've seen it happen, I've watched him fall apart and give himself to me because he's just so _lost_ without you. Without you, there's just," Kenny exhaled in thought and shook his head slowly. "There's just _nothing_ for him. You do something to him."

Kyle was practically almost in tears and Kenny was about to, while Craig sat there in the corner of the circular booth taking that in and realizing that Stan didn't want him for him. He wanted him for Kyle. Because he lost what he couldn't have and it was all his fault. And it made Craig feel like total, total shit. He was being used. By the most gorgeous boy he's ever encountered with.

"So go after him," Kenny smiled and intertwined his fingers in between Kyle's more slender, long effeminate ones. "Because he needs you, way fucking more than he's consciously aware of. And you have to try as hard as you can to show him, because he's not going to believe that, he's not going to convince that to himself and this little fight is probably going to last all night, but you just have to pull through this, okay?"

Kyle shook with tears and almost happiness, squeezing his fingers in between Kenny's with such gratitude and understanding and just wanting to kiss him without it meaning nearly as much as he thought it used to. And he did just that, hooking onto the back of Kenny's neck and pressing a smooth, steady, thankful kiss to Kenny's angel lips.

Kenny was taken aback at first, mistaking the kiss for something different, and then instantly understanding exactly what he meant. And he moved his lips fluidly against Kyle's, hugging his shoulders against him, telling him silently, "you're welcome."

Then they both pulled away, and Kyle let his evergreen eyes linger on Kenny's twinkling chemical cyanide electric ones for a moment longer, before sliding out of the booth with grace, and determination to get his man, the love of his life back.

And he navigated through the massive mass of emo fags and cigarettes and strobe lights and grinding, reaching the manly bouncer and walking up the stairs into the normal environment of the family restaurant, T.G.I. Friday's. He looked at the families enjoying their dinner, or perhaps fourthmeal at such an hour, the women wearing total Wal-Mart dresses that didn't make their boobies apparent at all and he wondered why bitches were going to Wal-Mart in fucking _California_.

And then he wondered, looking at all of these families and containing his inner fashion police, if they were aware of the pumping gay nightclub party going on under the ground beneath them. The bass didn't even throb the floorboards up here. No, none of them knew. None of them even could.

Kyle zipped up his tight gray hoodie that had cat ears on the hood, jamming his hands into his pockets and pushing his way out the two T.G.I. Friday's doors.

"Thanks for dining at T.G.I. Friday's. Have a wonderful night," this bitch standing at the door said, and Kyle just stormed past in a fit of sad and pulled up the hood that gave him almost cat ears. It made him feel cuter, which he needed right now, because there was absolutely no one in sight to tell him he was cute. So he just had to make himself feel loved, by himself.

And so Kyle began his quest to track down the wandering Stanley Marsh, and Kyle stared into the parking lot and began to activate all of his traveling senses, closing his eyes and then opening them to reveal a transparent map over his current vision and he immediately established exactly where he was. Unfortunately, he could only track down Stan when Stan allowed his access without really knowing it, and right now Stan was so mad at Kyle that his connection was completely secure and couldn't be located by Kyle at all.

So he was forced to pinpoint Stan's location all by himself, but thankfully, he knew exactly how Stan thought and exactly what steps he would take to the hotel. So he closed his eyes and cleared the map out, keeping it in the back of his mind as he sped up his pace to a sprint, which even though Stan was five times more athletic he knew that not only was Kyle faster, but that he could sprint for a really long time, and that Stan was way too pissy and broken to run right now.

Kyle would catch up in no time.

He starts sprinting, now, weaving through traffic like he was fucking Frogger, never faced with such thrill and determination in his life. Besides doing things that women do, this was like one of the only things Kyle was good at. Locomotions, traveling, speed and maps and getting to where he needed to be. Kyle was like a machine.

He speeds up in long, limber strides, knowing that as he gets closer and closer Stan is taking more and more painful steps towards the Sex on the Beaches Hotel, further away from Kyle yet not at all. Because Kyle knew damn well that he was going to catch up to him, and try to fix all of this even though he knew it was some variation of a lost cause.

But it wasn't. His relationship with Stan would never fucking be a lost cause, even if he hit rock bottom and resorted to fucking the angelic manwhore Kenny McKormick just to prove that to himself. He knew that he couldn't ever be apart from Stan for longer than a day, and he would start to lose his mind and his hair and just his want to continue to live. Sometimes Kyle wished he could fucking control himself, so that he'd never risk having to hurt Stan like this.

So that they'd never be apart.

There were two types of times of day in the California skies. The first was the eternal sunset, which was basically daylight, where like everything was totally beautiful and shining and the sky was a blend of pinks and oranges and reds that reminded Kyle of himself and the drinks they made at the T.G.I. Friday's nightclub. That was the morning, and the sun only rose that much and lasted until like until about 8P in the M and then it was night.

And when it was night it was so beautiful, and that's how it was right now as Kyle finally hit the sand and was on a straight path to Sex on the Beaches Hotel. The sky was perfectly clear, there was no smog or clouds or anything and you could see every star that like ever existed, clustered and twinkling and gorgeous. _Like Stan's eyes_, Kyle thinks, distracted as his locomotions are preoccupied with Stan's beautiful, flowing irises.

Everything is lit up, too, like the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun, which Kyle could see from right there where he was running across the sand, because the dizzying lights were really flashy and seizure-inducing and reflected super strong against the rocking California waters.

_Like Stan's eyes, _Kyle thinks. They really were just like the ocean, and Kyle heard the sounds of the waves rushing past his ears as he ran faster, trying so so so hard not to cry. That would slow him down. He had to be as fast as he possibly could be right now.

And then, through the what would be darkness but wasn't only because of the lights from skyscrapers and nightclubs and the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park of Fun and how they reflected against the waves, he saw a speck of raven black. There wasn't a black quite like that black. He sped up.

_Stan_, he wanted to scream, but nothing could leave his lips because he was breathing so hard from running so hard. _Stan, Stan, Stan._

The speck of Stan got closer and closer, which was funny, because he was walking away. Rejected, alone, broken, hollow, empty. All because of Kyle. Kyle knew it, he knew this as the words that broke Stan's heart even left his lips, and not even that, when the actions that broke Stan's heart thrusted in and out of Kyle's ass. He knew he was tearing Stan apart from the inside, after he made this establishment with him that they were indeed taking a little break, but that wasn't something that either of them could manage and they were going to learn that the hardest way they could.

He laughed to himself, which he couldn't do either since he couldn't make noise, so he just kind of wheezed playfully as he thought about the thought that Stan had no idea he was going after him. Stan thought he was all alone down there, treading mercifully through the sand with his black Converse back to the Sex and the Beaches Hotel, knowing that he was all alone right now. At least that's what he would think. No idea that Kyle is right behind him like he was always going to be. Right? Right?

_Right_, Kyle thinks, and he goes as fast as he possibly can, now- running faster than he ever thought his feet could carry him until Stan became clearer and clearer, until he could see his legs moving with his angsty broken little strides, until he could see the shoelaces on his Converse, the threads of fabric in the denim of his skinny jeans, the individual strands of his raven hair…

And then he's in a dangerously close distance from Stan, and he stops in his tracks a good ten feet away from him, trying to muffle his Converse skidding against the sand somehow. He found a way. But the point was that he was trying to be silent, because Stan couldn't quite know he was here yet, no matter how much he was trying to control himself from fucking throwing himself at Stan's back and rolling around blissfully in the sand. Because it would not go that way, because Stan was really mad at him.

Because they were in a fight.

Because he broke Stan's heart. Broke it, shattered, gone. And he knew it.

So then he walked at a speed that was just a tad faster than Stan's pace, and Stan was almost at the entrancing golden doors of Sex on the Beaches Hotel, which meant that Kyle was just ten feet away from that. Fuck, _fuck_, where was he going to confront Stan and how and just, how was Stan going to react shit _shit_ does he even have the room key? Kyle fumbles through the pockets of his kitty hoodie and his fingertips brush against a slender rectangle of gold and _yes,_ he does. It's all okay.

But then when Stan's side comes in contact with the golden doors, when he pushes with his side and without even using his arms because he was just so fucking _broken_, Kyle thought that everything might not be okay. Except the fact that he still didn't see Kyle standing there fucking panicking and lost and just wanting to fix everything he destroyed and everything that Stan trusted him to keep together. He just felt so _useless_ and he would do fucking _anything_ for this boy.

But Stan got inside, and Kyle stood there behind the slowly closing gold door so that Stan wouldn't, oh _god_ please don't let him, turn to hold open the door for the person behind it and see Kyle's innocently apologetic face, and then slam the door in his face because he was so fucking mad at him. That's just not something that Kyle could bear to even pretend to fucking handle right now. No, he was going to take this slowly. Slowly.

Slowly, Kyle opens the golden door before it can shut in the momentum left over hangin' out from Stan's half-hearted shove, and slides into the Sex on the Beaches Hotel, the gold and just everything even more luxurious than he can remember it. And is that Britney Spears' _Till the World Ends_ playing on the speakers system? Yes, it is, and Kyle wants to stand and jam out but _fuck_, there goes Stan Marsh into the elevator and about to go up to the room and _this is his chance_ and he sprints with all his effeminate might towards the elevator doors and he makes it just in time, before the gold doors shuts all the way Kyle slides right the fuck in, and at last, at _last_ gets one moment to breathe before he hears Stan let out a heartbroken, "oh."

"Oh," Kyle repeats Stan for some reason, feeling desperate and foolish and ridiculous as blush and fear seeps throughout him, and as Britney Spears' jams are amplified louder within the elevator.

Kyle puts down the cat eared hood of his kitty hood, and breathes.


	32. Till the World Ends

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO**

till the world ends

_i cant take it take it take no more never felt like felt like this before come on get me get me on the floor_

till the world ends by britney spears

**authors note: well fuck so i just realized this thing**

**like okay day 3 started on chapter 12**  
**and now its chaptr 32 and its still day 3**  
**so were probably going to speed things up**  
**because there are 21 days right**

**fuck**

**and tweek will be fine  
but first i need to fix this because i fucked with time  
and time is more important than tweak right now ok**

**ok**

**hi jargennorth more fanart would be really cool  
**

* * *

Not even the grinding melodies of Britney Spears could get Kyle out from this fucking death trance that he was in, because the guy he had tracked down all the way through fucking California from T.G.I. Friday's to Sex on the Beaches Hotel, which was actually a pretty large distance if you you could imagine like the whole shore of the beach because T.G.I. Friday's was at the very end where the sand stopped and it was suddenly asphalt and concrete and bitches clad in pink with one hand of Starbucks and the other hand of designer purse and toy poodle- that guy, the love of his life, his _everything, _and Kyle felt incredibly ridiculous for referring to Stanley Marsh as _that guy_, like he was some kid he met on the street the other day and that guy said this and he might grab a coffee with that guy. That guy was really fucking mad at him, and that guy had absolutely every reason to.

That guy was standing alone with him in a golden gold elevator, which suddenly seemed pretty fucking small with Stanley Marsh forced to stand a few feet away from him and was very visibly inching away from him. Kyle would normally be offended and he would switch into effeminate super bitch mode, but right now, he knew he deserved it. He deserved all of the hurt he was going to get tonight, because there was nothing Stan could do that would hurt more than what Kyle had done to him in the past few hours.

No, the grinding melodies of Britney Spears only seemed to intensify their current awkwardly depressing predicament, which Kyle figured was probably only awkward just from his end, and Stan's end would topple and lean over towards _depressing_ which even just his stance, which Kyle tried so hard to resist his evergreen jade emerald doe eyes from taking a little glance at, screamed to everyone around him. Depressing, _depressing_, he was depressing because of Kyle, all Kyle, all his fault.

And as Britney's sexually intense voice vibrated low yet fucking blasting in Kyle's head, the words _can't take it take it take no more never felt like felt like this before come on get me get me on the floor_ reverberated through his skull and only made every urge he was fucking holding back in his body to lunge at Stan and apologize through sex sex sex _dirty, unprotected elevator sex_.

Because Kyle knew, since he knew everything about Stanley Marsh, that any of Kyle's deliveries that were sexual or romantically aggressive in any way would just get mailed the fuck back marked "RETURN TO SENDER", and Kyle would already know that this was the consequence, he would know that he was just making a fool out of himself from the start, that he was slowly realizing that he really, really was just an effeminate, bitchy, Jewish, _whore_.

Kyle absolutely had to speak to Stan but absolutely could not speak to Stan. But they were pretty much almost about to hit their floor anyhow, floor _ten_, because they were on floor nine and nine comes right before ten and Kyle discovered that he was thinking really fast and frantically and just Stan's god damn presence was tearing him ruthlessly limb from Jewish limb, because he knew how mad and just betrayed that Stan felt, all his fault, all his fault.

And then before Kyle's frantic speedy thoughts were even able to move him to tears, they were very quickly abruptly abrupted by a _ding_ of some bell which Kyle thought was really weird, because he remembered the elevators making sex sounds and black ghetto women narrating all this shit but maybe that was just in his head, because the last time he was on this golden elevator he also possessed the title, "Stanley Marsh's boyfriend".

Now he was Stanley Marsh's cheating, selfish, desperate, clingy, Jewish whore of an ex-boyfriend, and Kyle really hated having that title currently because fuck, it was so long. Oh yeah and also he wanted to be Stan's boyfriend but Kyle really wanted _so much more_ than even _that_, fuck, he didn't even want to start thinking about that because there was a really really huge chance that Stan was going to change his mind about Kyle and never, ever take him back ever and then Kyle would grow up and die alone.

Then Stan walked, his strides making Kyle's heart sink and ache, Kyle speedily keeping up right the fuck behind Stan with his golden key right there right in between the spaces of his slender fingers, ready to get inside before Stan and confront him right at the door. Or, you know, he was having huge second thoughts about that. Maybe he would just let Stan go in first because you know, he wouldn't lock Kyle out. But he would too. So Kyle decided this right before Stan was about to insert his throbbing golden key inside the wet, twitching, awaiting slit that would unlock the golden doors.

Kyle was so god damned desperate.

He jammed his own key into the little golden slit right the fuck before Stan was about to, and then this little green light suddenly flashed and erupted and there was a sound and then the door opened underneath Kyle's soft palms, and Stan almost, fucking _almost _was about to look over at Kyle, but he didn't, and Kyle swore he could hear the sound of cracks coursing throughout his fragile, dainty little heart.

Kyle ran the fuck inside, and then he stopped really close to the door because he knew he just _knew _that Stan absolutely had to talk to him, right here, right at the door because fuck he would be staring right at him. So then Stanley Marsh opened the golden door, and he knew that Kyle Broflovski was going to be standing right there, so he didn't make that very vital mistake of taking even the briefest glance into Kyle's eyes, because not even he could deny that there was this fucking connection that made the earth and oceans shatter all around them just by a simple eye connection.

So Stan kept his head down aimed right at the golden floors, and suddenly Kyle's heart lifted like an angel fairy all the way hitched right up in his throat, because Stan stopped right there in his tracks, and then let the golden doors shut on their own right behind him.

"I don't want to talk," the very sound of Stan Marsh's voice grabbed Kyle right by the fucking dick and squeezed, erupting and awakening every sense in his body and then, suddenly, the words sink in. Well, of course he doesn't want to talk. Why would he want to talk to Kyle, Kyle the traitor, Kyle the Jew, Kyle his ex-boyfriend, whore.

"But I don't, I don't mean it like that," Stan's voice kept on fucking going and Kyle was going to have an orgasm right there, right the hell now because the last time he heard that voice directed at him with such passion was like. Less than an hour ago. That's so fucking long oh jesus fuck. Stan ran a hand through his raven black strands and they landed so beautifully and handsomely onto Stan's face and Kyle only saw this discreetly from the part of his eye that was the corner, somehow.

"I don't want to hear myself talk and I don't want to hear you talk," Stan cracked out again and Kyle just knew exactly how that felt because he didn't even want that either right now and he wanted so badly to move closer but he couldn't.

"I'm mad at you," Stan's voice croaked, so empty and broken that Kyle wanted to die. "I'm really, really mad at you."

Kyle nodded slowly and painfully, Stan's voice vibrating through him and while arousing and warming every crevice in him it also shattered every crevice in him into tiny little pieces. Kyle couldn't talk right now, even if he wanted to.

"I trusted you," Stan sounded like he was going to start crying right then and there and that made Kyle start crying, silently and so, so broken, tears breaching and flowing like little whispers down the surface of his cheeks, warm and almost comforting. "I made us do this because I trusted you and I knew I could trust you, but. I shouldn't have been that fucking stupid. Because I clearly just, can't. I can't trust you. And if I can't trust you I can't trust myself and I don't-"

Then he cried. Stan Marsh cried, interrupting himself with the audible gush of his tears and a heart wrenching wheeze, and Kyle was absolutely not going to move a fucking _inch_ closer, no sir, no how, he could not.

"I don't have anyone," Stan cried, he fucking cried, agonizing, lost. Stan was so lost right now and Kyle wanted to fix it. "I want to die, K-Ky… _Kyle_. Kyle, I want to die. I want to put the barrel of Kenny's golden angel pistol right the fuck between my eyes, and I want to pull the golden trigger and let my brains blow out because there's no point, there's no point, except-"

"Stan," Kyle was crying harder than ever, his entire fucking body shaking because he was so terrified that oh god, Stan was seriously about to kill himself. He shook his cute little effeminate head frantically, face a shade of red with tears and love and fear and anger, and he looked up just hint. And then he started to walk ever so slightly forward a few inches.

"_Don't_," Stan's voice was suddenly low and booming and threading because the very sound of Kyle's voice started to metaphorically put that gun in between those two very gorgeous, skinny jeans cerulean ocean waves denim blue eyes. "I-if you t-talk, I…"

"You _don't_ control me," Kyle snapped right back at Stan without even thinking about it, and hating himself for it but right now the Jewishr age bubbling and boiling and filling him up to the brim was doing all the talking for him. "You used to, y-you used to control me, hah, and n-now look, _look_, Stan, look what we are right now and look and see exactly how it's all _my_ fault."

Stan's threatening stance dumbed down just a little bit, though Kyle still couldn't ever pull himself to look at him.

"Right? Why would you deny that, why am I telling you this like it's something you don't know, _breaking news, _Stan, I cheated on you, again. I was blind, again. I don't deserve you, _again_. But," Kyle was like just about a foot away from Stan right by this point, and he stopped there in his tracks. "Here's the thing, this really _funny_ thing, Stan, you did it first. Off the bat, we were just together, I leave the room and you cheat on me with Kenny. We were planning on having sex, you fuck Kenny on the beach. I get pregnant, get the thing aborted, you cheat on me with Kenny. But, now?"

Kyle inches his head up a little tiny bit more, and then stops again.

"Now, you essentially break up with me, in a bathroom. And I know, I know. Trust me, I _know_ what you meant and I still know what you mean and I completely get it, but you almost gave me permission to go out and whore myself around, right? And then I fucked Kenny, I was _drunk_, and I fucked Kenny. A mistake that you have made, perfectly sober, and currently in a relationship with me. But then you actually go out and you have a new _boyfriend_. I knew I wasn't getting anywhere near there with Kenny. I didn't want to, Stan, because that's you. That's always you. Kenny's a fuck buddy. More so your fuck buddy. But, my point is," Kyle walks a single itty bitty step closer. "You've actually hurt me way fucking more than I ever hurt you, but. That doesn't mean this isn't eating at me. That doesn't mean I'm not so, so, so fucking sorry and I feel like such an asshole and, ugh, _Stan._"

"You don't know how much you mean to me, Stan. I don't know what I mean to you. Fuck, I never have. I just feel like, like you're my world, okay, but it's more than that because _we _are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a brighter day, and I cannot possibly live without you because you're my air and my flesh and my blood and my fire and I want to get lost in those fucking miraculous eyes and I want you to _fuck me senseless _but I _can't_, there are so many times where I _can't_ because something is always wrong with you, me, us. And even though we are, just. _Perfect_, there are these ways that we don't work just because we're oblivious but, I shouldn't speak for you, right? This is about how I feel, because I don't know what the _fuck_ you feel about me anymore, Stan," Kyle spat the last word out, and then through his deep, heavy breathing he froze and his blood went cold and he was shaking because _he just said all that to Stan_.

And then they stood there, together, in the deadingly silent atmosphere of their golden hotel presidential suite, standing there with Kyle still panting and fists clenched and waiting for Stan to answer him, or even show any fucking signs of human life.

"And that's just it," Kyle almost started to laugh, a breathy, surrendering chuckle escaping him. "You feel nothing about me any more. Nothing, silence, there is nothing left in you about me. You're just solid and quiet and you don't love me anymore and, well, shit, you have every right to not love me anymore."

And then Kyle turned around.

"I am going to my room," Kyle breathed out, trembling like the earth. "I will be in my bedroom, if you feel like speaking, I am there. I might just, I'm probably going to sleep, anyway. Fuck."

Kyle was completely turned around and he couldn't believe a fucking thing that was happening to him right now because he was walking away from Stan just like Stan always did, and part of it was almost liberating, he felt like he wasn't just an effeminate, useless piece of shit and that maybe he was a person, just like everyone else. And he strode faster towards his bedroom, crying and shedding more tears with every fucking step and he shook and shook and he hit the golden doorframe of he and… no, it was just his bedroom, he hits the doorframe and he throws himself at the golden carpeting and just lets it all out, broken and loud and hollow, tears flowing up and over and under the golden fibers.

And then a reassuring pair of arms wraps around his center, snaking to surround him and then squeezing, and then their chest presses against Kyle's back, the person burying their face in between Kyle's shoulder blades and letting out a heart wrenching, equally broken wheeze. And of course it was Stan. It was Stan, it was finally, finally Stan, and Kyle gave out and laid out fully on his stomach against the golden carpeting, Stan crying with his cries and wheezing with his wheezes, and even while their heartbroken noises screamed into the Californian silence, Kyle wanted to smile, he wanted to smile so bad because finally everything was falling into place, finally he has Stan's arms around him, finally things might be perfect.


	33. Stereo Love

**CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE**

stereo love

_when you're gonna stop breaking my heart i don't wanna be another one paying for the things i never done_

stereo love by edward maya

**authors note: HAPPY REALLY LATE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSAREE CALIFORNIA GURLS  
1 year ago i was like im going to be done and a published author  
but then now its more than one year and i'm not  
so fuck idk**

**but 100 reviews you guys**

**you guys we did it  
guys**

**look what we did together**

okay but this is the chapter  
where i'll begin to fix everything that i fucked up  
i mean most of it  
mainly just time because this californian day has been so long  


* * *

**DAY FOUR IN CALIFORNIA**

Kyle's glassy emerald eyes, like glass, open slowly to a face full of peachy beige. At first he's so fucking confused but then he moves his body a little bit, and he inhales a really similar smell. He keeps breathing on it and starts moving more, forward and back and in a steady rhythm (by his Jew standards, at least, he doesn't even know what rhythm is okay) against this thing he's on top of. And then it registers in his groggy effeminate head, _oh_, Stan.

But then he looks up and he actually sees Stan, not just what he was sprawled out on which was Stan's bare back, but he notices they're in their golden bed, right where they belong, and he notices that the TV is still on and softly playing expected Barney and Friends reruns. It's like he woke up from a terrible, terrible dream. And for a second he's really fucking scared that that's what happened.

So he gently, like a sheep, eases Stan's arm from off of him, and Stan lets out an _nnnnzrt_ kind of moan against the pillow and shifts all around, and then once he's pretty much done shuffling around and he's on his back he inhales and then gasps himself awake, his gorgeous baby blues looking around the room just as lost as Kyle.

"Kyle?" his tired but _so fucking sexy_ voice rings into the eerie morning Californian air, accompanied by the low buzz of Barney and his Friends. Kyle sits up now and looks down at his boyfriend-or-something perched back on his elbows and looking at him like he's an angel or something and Kyle can't breathe for a second.

"Is it morning?" is all Kyle can think to ask, of all the burning _what's going on_ questions he had, he says this.

"I-I think it is, I…" Stan sits all the way upsy-up now, and rubs his eyes with the back of his wrists. Then he looks at Kyle again with his gorgeous skinny denim blue eyes full of curiosity. "Do you remember… falling asleep here?"

Kyle stops and thinks for a second, and _no_, he doesn't, all he remembers is Stan's arms finally around him, everything falling into place, everything perfect. Then his glassy emerald eyes shot open like glass.

"No," Kyle scratches between his big effeminate ginger ringlets. "I don't. I don't remember anything after… you holding me."

Stan clears his throat a little and it's awkward, it's always awkward, and he nods awkwardly too. "I, uh."

Kyle almost makes that fucking mistake of looking into this boy's eyes. "Yeah?"

"I mean," Stan looks really nervous and tense now, the kind of Stan that needs a massage and a soda and needs to be loved. "What's going on?"

"B-between us, or-" Kyle starts to say before he knows he does, and Stan is really quick to answer he _snatched_ that shit.

"W-well, uh, not what I meant but yeah but_ no _but, is everyone else home?" Stan starts to panic and get kind of pink and sweaty and Kyle quietly ogles over his adorable bedhead state.

"Oh," Kyle clears his throat too, because he had to fucking add to the already awkward atmosphere. Alliterations are awesome and also amusing. "Should I check?"

Stan is still pink and sweaty and looking away when he runs a hand pulsing with nervousness through his ravenly locks and says, "Sure."

So Kyle bites his lip to stop himself from doing anything stupid, which is ridiculous when you think about it, because these two have fucked and kissed and grinded and were like born at the same time together or something and were probably sucking each other's dicks before their mother's nipples. But now Kyle had to exercise a little self control, because he didn't know what the fuck was right or wrong anymore. But he just bites his lip and slides off the side of the golden bed, and like immediately wants to flop right the fuck back and roll around in the warmth and pull Stan right on top of him where he belongs.

But he's back to square one, now.

And with that, Kyle slowly and dejectedly waddles (but he's not fat he's just waddling because he's tired and sad and he got fucked all those times like three) out of the golden bedroom doorframe. He keeps going so that he's like inside the main room of living in the hotel, finding a note like fucking radiating with its own sunlight but not in a blinding way. That would be unfortunate because Jews aren't allowed to wear sunglasses here, especially not effeminate Jews.

But Kyle wanders curiously over to the golden shining blazing note, on the couch for some reason, of all places, like whoever the fuck put it there was like _oh well they'll definitely sit down to watch TV sometime and their ass will be met with my fucking note_. It worked, though, and with that Kyle very hesitantly takes the piece of like paper or plasma or whatever it was into his hand, half expecting his palm to like vaporize at the contact. It looked like pretty dangerous shit.

But _no_ it was _letters_ someone wrote _letters on the letter_ so Kyle squinted to read because he thought it was cute or something, but that shit ain't cute.

_Dear Kyle (or Stan, but more possibly Kyle, curiously wandering out of the bedroom in unbuttoned tight-ass booty shorts):_

Kyle paused and looked at his waist. Oh, fuck, they were right.

_You may be wondering why you woke up to the presidential suite at an eerily empty capacity. Well, that's because it is empty. We left, but like we're not really gone we're just not in the room. After you chased after Stan, I definitely had suspected you'd both end up in bed, fucking or kissing or even not, you'd just end up in bed- so I arrived at promptly midnight sharp to check that you were both alive and taking care of each other. You were! At least, by my eyes. You were both cuddling on the golden carpet of your bedroom and had become victims of sleep. So I strode over and lifted you up, first, but my emotional situation detecting fingerprints detected something alarming. You guys hadn't made up yet. You were both just lying there on the carpet, crying to sleep. And I didn't like that, the feeling of knowing that I had fucked you guys up if only even overnight. I really can't take it, honestly. So I lifted you both into bed, tucked you both in (your mattress and sheets are fucking godly I forget what sleeping on a couch isn't like hot damn) and turned on the TV to volume level two. This is most likely what you have woken up to. _

_I quickly informed Craig and Tweek by telepathy that we should leave you two be for the night and morning, so they're here with me at the neighboring total shittown Holiday Inn, you'll probably see it if you look out your window, it's a mystery to me why they built this ugly fucking thing on the California shoreline. Anyway, we're there, room 143, and please take your time getting there I could pay for trillions of years of staying in this god damn ugly hotel, so like eat breakfast and lunch and fuck go out to dinner, or don't, I just want you to know that I need to talk to you guys, all of you guys, Craig and Tweek included. There's something really serious I need to ask you. But it can wait, whatever. Go make up with your boy and kiss him and tell him he's pretty._

_Kisses,  
Kenny_

Kyle sinks down into the golden couch cushions, hugging the sunshine letter against his chest. Something about Kenny, his voice, the way he wrote, everything he did made him feel so safe and protected. He assumed that was why he got all the ladies.

But then he really took in the information that this letter had provided him, and nodded affirmatively. Copy that. Things are going to get better. Or was it like Roger that, or something. Who was Roger and why was he so fucking special?

But seriously, seriously now, he nodded and folded the letter in his palm subconsciously because he has a desire to fold things like a woman, and he trots back to their golden bedroom, and the simple yet powerful sight he sees makes him want to burst into an ocean of cascading tears of beauty.

It's Stan, just _Stan_, half sitting up and trying to watch Barney and Friends, which is a really hard thing to do because half the time it's hard to really tell what's going on because something's fucked up with the signal or some shit so there are these weird bursts of distortion that make the whole thing a lot more confusing. But here's Stan Marsh, laying in a golden bed, the epitome of comfort, the rays of the morning sunlight beaming onto his bare chest…

_Wait, _morning sunlight. Morning…

_"Stan_, Stan, fuck, it isn't eternal sunset and it isn't night, i-it's…" Kyle can't really care that he's actually speaking to the sex god on his bed right now because the sky is actually showing signs of something… real.

"…_morning_… Kyle, it's-" Stan leaps off the bed and presses his face against the massive gorgeous windows that left no fingerprint marks when you pressed your fingers and the rest of your flesh against them. They stayed crystal clear and pristine for high definition quality window viewing.

Kyle clears his throat and nudges Stan awkwardly at the shoulder, and he tilts his head his direction in the most motherfucking adorable way he could possibly manage. Kyle held back any urges of any sort and handed the golden shining letter of radiance engraved by Kenny McCormick into Stan's hands, and Stan was like entranced by the shining for a second too, because it is some distracting shit.

"What's this?" Stan asks while like opening it already, so if Kyle had been like _oh, it's a bomb_, it would be too late.

"A-a, uh, a letter. A letter from Kenny," Kyle nods slowly, watching Stan's god damn eyes like little tiny cerulean oceans.

"What's it say?" Stan asks again, while like starting to read italready, so it started like:

_Dear Kyle (or Stan, but more possibly Kyle, curiously wandering out of the bedroom in unbuttoned tight-ass booty shorts):_

_You may be wondering why you woke up to the presidential suite at an eerily empty capacity. Well, that's because it is empty. We left, but like we're not really gone we're just not in the room. After you chased after Stan, I definitely had suspected you'd both end up in bed, fucking or kissing or even not, you'd just end up in bed- _

"Too long, didn't read," Stan stammered, handing the letter back to Kyle abruptly and the shine illuminating everything.

"O-oh, uh, he's in the Holiday Inn next door with Craig and Tweek, because he says there's, like, some super serious thing we need to discuss, but that we shou- uh, _have_ to wait until lunch time to go see them. Because, uh," Kyle looked up into Stan's eyes, and he swore he could feel his skin melting right against his muscles and bones or like whatever the layer directly below your skin was. Kyle feels ashamed for a second for not knowing this scientific fact, after all he is _Kyle, boy genius, _but he excuses such a silly ridiculous mistake on his own behalf because he was currently entranced with this single individual little strands of ravenly black in his lover's hair, the veins of bending, winding electric blue surging through him and it kind of felt like an orgasm and it actually might have been.

"Because?" Stan prods, and Kyle snaps out of orgasm country.

"U-uh, um, 'cause. I don't know. I feel like we should fix us, o-or, or, you know, if you don't want to, or something, we could just, like, talk I d-" Kyle started fumbling around into awkward and clueless and lovestruck all over again, and it was kind of funny how stan had that kind of effect on him. He felt like nothing else mattered, sometimes, when there would be that one single mental spotlight again, shining and illuminating every perfect line in Stan's face. That was Kyle vision right now, and he was pretty sure he kept continuously falling in love with this boy.

"Yeah," Stan interrupted Kyle's little trembling session, and Kyle was kind of startled with the sudden tint of eagerness in his words- or word, rather- and he kind of lit up like a Kyle lamp. Maybe things wouldn't end up total shit between them, after all. Maybe Stan would kiss him again, someday. It was funny, how he had that all in the palm of his hands. He had Stan at his own will, he was at Stan's will. They were at each others' wills in this binding bond that was calling falling in love with your super best friend, which was a really easy game to fall into, actually, until you hit the bottom, like this. And when you hit the bottom of that rabbit hole, fall fucking smack down on your ass, you realize, _oh_. _Maybe we went a little too fast. _

_Maybe this isn't so easy._

_Maybe there's a lot more to this than we thought._


	34. Cinema

**CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR**

cinema

_yyoouuuu aaarreeeee a cinneemmaaaaaaa_

cinema by benny benassi

**authors note: warning this ends in a few chapters warning over**

**but dont worry youll still get your fair share of award-winning literature from me for years and years to come**

**it never ends**

**also sorry this took like however the fuck long fucking accept it  
**

* * *

Kyle finds himself in the kitchen, again, trying to make a perfect lunch for his perfect man so that maybe Stan could begin to see the eagerness and devotion that Kyle feels towards getting them back to normal again- and maybe he could feel that too, through eating his favorite meal ever. Kyle knew exactly what that was, he's known that since they were little tykes, and he also knew that upon eating this meal Stan was a lot happier and kept a really open mind.

The meal that was the key to Stan's understanding was a tofu burger patty cooked in sizzling Jameson whiskey, with just enough barbecue sauce but not too much which meant it couldn't touch the edges of the fake meat, topped with roasted onions cut into little squares and arranged in the middle to form a heart. And when Stan ate this, it was usually followed by squeezes and nuzzles and continuous mumbles of _I love you. _

So Kyle was making this, while humming a little catchy tune, listening idly to the beating streams of water coming from the golden shower, where Stan was currently showering. It was weird, hearing Stan shower, because that sound used to mean come the fuck in here, and now Kyle knew he probably wasn't really allowed to do that, even though it was unspoken. But maybe he was. After all, Stan must still love him, somewhere, even if he doesn't want to say it.

Kyle comes to the conclusion that he's going to go check, because that sound is quite frankly driving him fucking off the wall, and if Stan chucks a shampoo bottle at him and tells him to get out of his sight, well, that's how it is. So he turns off the skillet, figuring the patty was cooked enough by now, anyway, and he puts down the spatula and starts to walk towards the golden bathroom, towards the source of that inviting, tantalizing noise.

When he hits the door he exhales slowly, reaching out with a delicate grasp and turning the knob ever so slightly, not really believing that he's actually fucking doing this. But there was something controlling him beyond his own control, something that told him that this was completely right, that everything was going to work out, that you can do this- and Kyle figured that was probably the love talking.

He gets the door open, and when his nose is met with that fucking smell, the mixture of mens' shampoo and steam and mixed in with the undeniable scent of Stan, that's pretty much the key to his dick. It's also what makes him start stripping, while watching the blurry fleshy silhouette that is Stan behind the translucent curtains, because there's absolutely no way that he can contain himself much more.

So he exhales deep and slowly takes a handful of the curtain, bracing himself for whatever potential physical damage is at stake here.

"Stan?" he calls out, soft and vulnerable, like a lost kitten mewling for its mother, something without purpose, something without anyone or anything to love. He hears a soft breath of surprise from Stan, and peels back the curtain a little bit to reveal the rest of his face, and Kyle realizes that with every twitch of his dick stimulated by Stan's drop dead gorgeous appearance, Stan can actually see the evidence now. So when he meets his eyes, eyelashes wet and dark, drops dripping and clinging against his face, his raven locks sleeker and wet, and his cerulean crystal sapphire blue eyes looking more like the ocean than ever before- he regrets his lack of skinny jeans to hide his physical want.

"Kyle," his voice is like a husky whisper, and Kyle wants to let out the longest sigh of relief and victory and triumph, because Stan's tone was so free of anger or rejection that it was the most rewarding tone that he had ever heard. It was almost like an invitation, Kyle realizes, with Stan's perfect pink lips parted and twisting to the side in an almost almost almost smirk.

Kyle starts to walk in beside Stan beyond his own control, stepping over the edge of the golden bathtub and pausing once in before any flesh could meet flesh, before he could do anything that would break any boundaries, testing the Stan waters. Kyle watches Stan's pupils expand against the cerulean waters in his eyes, darkening with a desire that he'll always keep.

"I-I'm sorry, I was making you lunch, but I just..." Kyle started, still at an enhanced whisper even though no one was home and the sound of the water beating against Stan's bare back almost muffled it.

"No, uh," Stan whispers back, and Kyle sees him hold back jerking forward a little bit, obviously just as lost as he was. "I was, uh, honestly, thinking about you in here. L-like."

"Yeah?" Kyle prods with a lower whisper, feeling like he's dreaming what with Stan looking at him so reverently and perfectly and framed by the steam, like he's some sex angel parting through the fog.

"Y-yeah, and I was wondering why I was leaving you alone, 'cause," Stan lets out this reluctant chuckle, but it's almost like a whispered chuckle, like a secret he's kept all this time that Kyle is about to know. "Like, you're just. _Mine_. I don't know."

Kyle can't stop the frantic nodding that he starts into, wanting so bad to give in to the magnetism pulsing through their naked, dripping bodies, connecting them in a sort of unspoken mixture of love and lust and devotion.

"Yeah," Kyle takes a little smidgeon of a step forward, tilting his head the tiniest bit. "I-I'm yours. I'm always yours. When I'm against you on an airplane, I'm yours. W-when you kiss me on a ferris wheel, I'm yours. When you impregnate me, I'm yours. When you tell me to abort it, I'm yours. When you fuck someone else, I'm yours. When you tell me we need to take a break, I'm yours. When I'm getting fucked by someone else in the hallways of TGI Friday's, I'm _yours, _Stan."

"Jesus," Stan chokes out, shaking his head at all their foolish mistakes in this godforsaken state, that they were taken over by the California vibe that they told themselves they wouldn't become a victim to. But he feels like those palm trees he sees out the golden window in their shower are a part of his identity, like those palm trees and that ocean view and that unusual morning sun define who he is. He can hardly remember the frosty slopes of their hometown.

"Look," Stan begins again, trying to regain his composure and give Kyle the speech of his god damn life. "I know I, um, I know I kind of gave up, for a second. And I let you go. Which was just fucking stupid, and it was me trying to convince myself that I didn't deserve you, that you could find better, and that by going out we were only fucking everything up, but."

He looks Kyle dead in the eyes, right deep into those forested pools. "But I was so wrong, dude. _So _wrong. W-what you… what you need isn't for me to just fucking abandon you, or whatever I had been trying to prove to myself. Because the fucking second I let you walk away, I felt more alone than I have my entire life, because you weren't like unconditionally by my side anymore, you were walking away from me. But I gave you the fucking permission. I gave you the permission to let Kenny fuck you, and you know what? I didn't ask you _shit_ before Kenny fucked me, before I lost, fuck. Before I lost my fucking virginity. To _Kenny_. _God. _How did you let me do that?"

Kyle opens his mouth, and Stan frantically shakes his head upon realizing he was actually about to respond to that. "N-no, don't answer that, fuck. I just, I really wish that had been you, y'know? It wasn't really special with him, like, it was sex, but there wasn't any feeling with it, it was just. Sex, I don't know. I don't fucking know anymore, dude. I really don't. I feel like I had _everything_, all in the fucking palm of my hand and I just let it all get away from me and let you actually physically walk away. That's not fucking cool. So."

Stan starts to get down on a knee, which only sends another pulse coursing through Kyle's dick, only makes him think _oh fuck he's going to suck me off for the first time_. But, alas, these were not the intentions of adolescent Stan Marsh, as he began to pull what looked like a ring out of his ass or wherever the fuck he would have smuggled a ring.

And upon further inspection on Kyle's behalf, this was no ordinary engagement ring (_fuck, he was actually getting out a fucking ring_), for it was much to wide to fit on a single finger, let alone two. No, this shining golden ring which almost camouflaged against the golden bathtub and caught drops from the showered against its glistening surface, against the gorgeous, enormous diamond that brilliantly shimmered, perched along the side- this was no engagement ring. This was a cock ring.

This observation once again deflated Kyle's spirits, as Stan slowly began to move it towards his dick, because he had no intentions of running away and eloping with Kyle anyhow, all he was doing was taking out a cock ring. A diamond encrusted cock ring, in fact. That was a lot to pay for good sex.

"Kyle," Stan starts, and it's all deep and throaty and grinds Kyle back up again, staring down at this blue-eyed boy dripping with his face so lethally close to Kyle dick like that. "I know I've fucked up."

Kyle watches his every movement, slow and steady, braver and braver. Stan starts to continue once again, clearing his throat and shaking his head and biting his lip. Maybe he was so nervous about bestowing Kyle with this dick ring because they haven't had sex in so fucking long, or something. But this was a deeper sense of nervous, a boiling anxiety that only came across to Kyle as some kind of looming dread.

"I've fucked up, like, royally. But. I'm going to try to make it up to you. So," Stan touches the ring to Kyle's dickhead, and Kyle sighs with the contact and rests his head against the golden tiled shower walls. Cool, he's sucking him off to make up for all the shit he's given him. Perfect.

"Will you marry me?"

Kyle's dick goes soft.

What?

"…What?" Kyle echoes, staring into the painful gaze that were Stan's expectant sapphire kitten eyes with alarm. "I… I, fuck, wait-"

"I knew it was stupid. Look, look, it's okay-"

"Stop-"

"-wasn't going to ask until the last day-"

"_Stop_-"

"-shouldn't fucking bother-"

"Fucking _stop!" _Kyle yells, at a much higher and broader volume than he thought was actually possible out of him.

"O-of course, I want to do this, dude, of course, I just, _shit_," Kyle rubs at his eyes, ignoring the constant stream of water pattering against his scalp. "Why are you doing this… _now_, and, with a… cock ring?"

Stan smirks a little, and Kyle's heart is mended a little bit at the sight. "It was so no one else could make you come. You're hard for me forever."

Kyle rolls his eyes but smiles because Stan is the cutiest cutie and he couldn't deny that no matter how fucking stupid his ideas could get, or how fucking stupid his actions could eventually spiral down into. "That's somehow cute in a twisted, irrational way."

Stan shrugs, and that single shrug courses throughout Kyle's body in a wave of _this boy is so cute_ and he thrusts against the ring, slipping it somewhat onto his dick and then bending down to Stan's level. "Also, yes."

"You'd marry me? After all the bullshit I put you through?" Stan asks at almost a whisper, looking deep against those radiating emeralds belonging to Kyle Abraham Broflovski, future husband.

"Dude, don't be stupid," Kyle rolls his eyes and then finally, _finally_ presses his lips ever so slightly against those of his ravenly counterpart, who moans hard at the union and pushes Kyle's naked body under his in one swift, seductive movement. And they made out and fucked, etc etc my eyes hurt i am tired bye


End file.
